I’m glad to see that y’all are less worried about me. When my hit count comes back down I know that I have not worried you lately. That’s good.

I’m really sorry. I tell you to take breaks if it feels stressful. I’ll still be here writing when you are ready to come back. I might even be having a different, less shitty mood.

Noah says that he doesn’t really want me ever doing another medication trial because he thinks another one of those might be the end of me. Given how depressed I have been… I don’t think I can continue to allow anyone to speculate about a fourth kid. I think we will get fixed right away. Cause this much shitty depression isn’t ok for my family.

I came into this marriage saying I wanted three kids. I’m getting three. Thank you, Noah.

This fucking sucks and I can’t do this again.

I had blood drawn today to see if there has been any movement from the fucktastically high doses of vitamins (including IV) I’ve been getting. If it’s not detectable…. I’m done paying for/taking vitamins. Fuck it.