I’m in a weird spot. There’s a lot in my head. Talking about it seems like I will only create more problems. If I talk about how I am feeling I will cry. I spend too much time reading how people believe that folks only cry to be manipulative bastards. People only express emotions because they are controlling, manipulative bastards.

But why don’t you negotiate more to get your needs met? But do it without emotion. Without any way of indicating how you feel because otherwise you are bad.

I can’t talk about my needs without talking about my feelings and my feelings make me bad. Which feels an awful lot in my head like me having needs is bad.

And so it goes.