There are parts of caring for a baby that are hard, even when the baby is easy for a baby. There are nights of disrupted sleep even if the baby sleeps pretty well. There is fussing and discontent because sometimes it takes mama a few minutes to figure out that the current problem is what position I’m holding her in. Baby screams are designed to climb inside your ear drums like shards of glass. Do not ignore me say the frantic screams that can erupt in a minute when the baby realizes OH MY GOD MY DIAPER IS WET. THIS IS NOT OK. FIX IT.
But I’ve been through this rodeo. I remember crying because I needed time off from EC. Now I’m still thrilled to get time off from EC but don’t you touch my baby. She will only need me for a little while.
The load on my brain and body feel different. I have been all the way through this and come out the far side with functional, interesting big kids. I don’t feel impatient with my baby this time because in my body I know that this dependency period is so short. Then they pull away and want to do it alone.
She will only think I am everything for a few months. I can be patient for that long. It means I get to snuggle her sweetness. I’ve been calling all of my kids my/your/her/their sweetness as in almost a stand in for “highness”. It keeps me from calling them “your heiny” which sometimes I am inclined to do because I am a turkey butt.
She’s not the most robust nurser ever. She doesn’t suck very hard and then my nipple falls out of her mouth and a pool of milk spills. It’s not spit up, she just didn’t swallow fast enough/hard enough. But the double chin tells me that she’s getting enough in her. She just prefers to stimulate my let down and then just let it spray. This is wise; my older children would suck hard after my let down and then get mad because they choked with the intensity. My boobs are energetic about how they deliver milk. HI. YOU WANT MILK. HERE HAVE ALLLLLLLLL THE MILK WITH GREAT FORCE.
It’s funny to me. But I spend a lot of time staring at walls so I need whatever levity I can get.
Height wise, baby is about out of 3 month clothes. She has plenty of chub space left, but the toes are getting tight and that makes it hard to dress a baby. Luckily some kind friends are going to come get my we-are-done-with-it pile this weekend. R will pick up the stuff she lent me that I don’t need to keep and Y is picking up stuff we are culling so she can sell it on the internet. She has time, energy, and the extreme need for money so she’s happy to do it. I’m happy I don’t have to get all this stuff to a donation center this month. Yay. It also means she can pick through my stuff to see if anything is useful in her new apartment. Shopping in your friend’s house for free is the best shopping.
I am not hosting an Easter party this year. I just can’t. I’m tired and not up for the amount of stress I put on myself for it. I spend 30-50 hours getting ready for the Easter party every year. I do a lot of yard work over months prepping for it. I do a massive deep clean of the house so I can have other people’s children come over and dig through the nooks and crannies of my house. I don’t want all the germs around my newborn.
I am going to hide eggs, of course, but my kids are going to spend a freakin week finding eggs.
The kids asked if we could put the house on the market next year after Easter so we can have one last big party because wouldn’t it be sweet for YC to get a real Easter egg hunt in this house…
We’ll see but it’s not a bad time line.
And I’m totally out of time.