I’m not sure what happened yesterday but I fell in a hormonal pit. The day was lovely for the first two hours I was awake before everyone else. Then I feel like I just did everything wrong.

I am really struggling with how much of my time I spend telling people no or monitoring behavior and saying it isn’t good enough. I’m a fucking bitch and no one is going to like me.

Fuck. I don’t even like me when I spend this much of my day telling people that their behavior is unacceptable.

Even when the behavior is completely and totally inappropriate and is stepping very close to the line of being abuse.

I feel like shit. I want to hurt myself very badly. I want the reminder that no one gives a shit about my stupid opinion. I’m just a stupid bitch.

Fuck. I am spinning out on that word. I’m trying not to. I’m sorry P.

Bitch isn’t it. I’m trying not to say it. I don’t want to flip myself out more.

I am struggling in this moment to see how any of my boundary setting is good. I feel like I should go behind a shut door and shut the fuck up because nobody is any of my fucking business. Stop being such a control freak you stupid, horrible bitch.

Saying no to some of this stuff is skirting too close to stuff from my childhood. This is freaking me out.