It is interesting seeing what things make me angry. What things make my anger seep through my entire body and poison everything in my life.

Broken promises are a big thing. If someone says they will do something and they don’t… I get more and more angry. If I am then told that my anger is the reason for the broken promises and everything is all my fault? That makes me more angry. It becomes a cycle.

And all of a sudden all of the promises are broken and I’m not waiting anymore? Oh. Oh yeah. This is what it feels like in my body to no longer be looking for those promises to be kept.

Ok.

Just keep moving. Nothing to be angry about. No point in caring. None of those needs will be met. Just shut up and keep moving. There is nothing to be angry about. There is nothing to notice or care about.

Just keep moving. Don’t ask anyone for anything, no matter how much they encourage you to depend on them. They didn’t really mean it anyway. They meant, “Ask me to do things that are not important or serious because I will do it when or if I feel like it not when you need it.” Ok.

Why do I worry more about your feelings than mine? I do. It’s a big problem. Then I get angry because the reverse doesn’t happen and I’ve hurt myself for nothing.

I know that a lot of this is my fault. I believe people when they tell me to lean on them. I shouldn’t.

And of course there is a parting shot about how I’m a bad parent. That’s as predictable as the sun coming up.