The only clothing that isn’t in the garage are the adult day-to-day hanging clothes, and the jackets in the hall closet. Everything else is in here now. Really… just about everything is in here now. We’ve really gotten rid of a lot of stuff. I am enjoying burning candles right now because when I use up the ones that are lit it is time to get rid of a bunch of candle holders and two more shelving units.

I think the only stuff left in the kitchen are the two drawers of stuff (silverware and the odd cooking supplies random assortment), the fridge, the microwave, and the tea. Because tea is accessed waaaaaay too often for me to move it to the garage already.

Middle Child has moved his bed into the garage. I like this mattress more than the one in my bedroom so Her Sweetness and I have been sleeping out here too. Once everyone is out here we can run the little space heater to keep the chill off (it’s electric) and not use the gas heater much (super expensive) which will be a nice bonus.

I have updated AA with our frequent flier stuff. Which is good because I’m sick of thinking about it.

I have not yet done my PT exercises and I need to.

I haven’t even the tiniest tiny bit yelled today. I pulled back instead.

Middle Child is no longer scheduled to do 3 pages/4 days a week. He gets to do 4 pages/5 days a week. That will have him finish his book on time. I will be checking daily so he literally isn’t capable of falling behind again because he isn’t catching up and he isn’t showing signs that he can handle it. I have to adjust my expectations.

At this same age EC was doing like 1 hour of homework a day and she had not yet ever looked at a real textbook. Two years later she can easily do 8-15 pages a day and rarely make an error. I don’t think my approach is wrong. I think I’m not giving him quite enough grace. But it’s complicated. I don’t know.

He is making progress. He’s at grade level. If he transferred into a public school next week he would be fine. That was absolutely not true for his sister at the same age. She was dramatically behind. I should have more faith in him. I believed she would catch up and she’s doing so rapidly. She’s most of the way through the 4th grade textbook now. She just started her third notebook because she’s done so much math already.

They are both writing about what they learned in Malaysia. I wish they didn’t want me to dictate their topics, but I think it’s normal.

They are both doing more religion writing. MC is still doing a lot closer to copywriting. He was forced to start reading and writing before he wanted to with the charter school. I wonder how much his reliance on copywriting is part of not getting to it with his own voice and timing. I’ll never know.

The religion study is feeling so relevant these days.

Guess how many cubes of books we still have in the house? (We started off with over a hundred?) 9. 3 will be packed up and put into storage (language learning and religion) but the other 6 are things we are going to hurry up and read then pass along.

Time’s running out….

I should stay off the computer in the next few months and read some dang books.

I have three boxes ready to mail to Jenny. I’m glad I didn’t send them earlier because I found more stuff.

I need to wrap up a few more pictures and take a handful of boxes to storage, but it’s maybe a trunk load.

This garage is looking remarkably like a studio apartment. Because we don’t want to deal with staging a house we are going to mostly leave it bare. We will leave the coffee table and use that for meals until we go.

That’s going to be a really fun Christmas.

For Christmas planning this year we are looking into all sorts of fun food gifts. And I think we will donate a bit more than usual.

I am not moving the boxes already by myself because my back is sore and if I hurt myself while Noah is gone it’ll be really rough on the kids. It’s fascinating how much I base my decisions on other peoples need for me.

We need to exercise more. But today has been wonderfully restful and maybe that’s a good thing too. I have made two meals. Washed two loads of laundry (about to go start a third). Watered the yards.

Oh, that’s another thing that’s eating at me: I haven’t been working in the yard because the air quality is so bad I really shouldn’t bring the baby with me and I can’t leave the baby inside with the big kids because they don’t feel comfortable being responsible quite yet. They think another 6 months or so.

I’ve been thinking about sex a lot more. That’s fascinating. I haven’t thought about it that much in years and it’s just… kind of there in my brain. I even reached out to the neighbor to ask about babysitting so maybe we can use these canes before they go away.

I want. I want something. I want…. I don’t even forking know.

I want Noah to come home. What was I thinking? (I booked him extra days in LA because good golly he needs a break.)

I am really enjoying my kids. I get irritated too…. but I still feel like I am living my best life right now. I’m tired. I’m in pain. So? Such is life. I get to hang out with people who explode with joy when they see me. My life is awesome.

I’m still getting a lot out of the private chat forum I’ve been hanging out in. My social anxiety is ramped up because of course I am feeling like all I am is an angry monster. I’m not. But I feel like that is the accusation that has been made. I don’t think that is something that anyone else said. I feel like that is the accusation.

Feelings.

Where is the middle path?

I need to get started on that Buddhist book for Pam’s reading group.

Oh! I sat down when I had some actual good moments of quiet and I did a bunch of catching up on Jenny’s vlog! I think I now understand why people tell me they binge catch up on my blog. I have, of course, been eager to know everything about Jenny for 25 years and counting so it was absolutely delightful and wonderful to get to listen to extended periods of her talking about herself. I don’t understand a lot of the knitting stuff, but I love that she will explain it to me. And I am a huge dork who was giggling and excited/amused about her going back and forth from centimeters to inches. I live that world.

Watching the vlog was neat because it made me wonder if other people get those waves of pleasure and delight as they read what I write. My friend wants to share her thoughts with me (and the rest of the world). It feels like such a gift and an honor. It’s like the epic emails Pam writes. They feel… like a mirror into a happier place.

I keep reminding myself that we probably have less than three months in this house. The rest of November, December, and as much of January as necessary to get an offer and get out. I really need to get started on the yards…..

Noah will come home. I’ll get it done. It will be truly smashing when I’m done.

Leaving is going to be hard. But I was up late last night crying about my mother. It’s time to leave. It’s time to not worry about running into my family any more.

I don’t think my nephew’s wife kept the baby. I have been a horrible stalking person and all the recent pictures of her show no signs of a pregnancy. The gossip I was told would indicate that she should be second or third trimester at this point and it’s pretty forking rare for someone’s body to stay that static so late in a pregnancy.

I feel really sad that both my niece and nephew have almost become parents recently and have been unable to actually do so. That has got to hurt them tremendously. Poverty is probably the main reason.

Life is not fair.

I have no idea what I’m going to do for dinner tonight. I should probably figure that out.