I read the first chapter of the Buddhist book. I caught up on Mint. I loaded the table in the front yard.

Tidying the house is never ending.

I’m looking into the travel for the next year. Woof. The kids only want to be in Japan for three weeks in between Washington DC and Noah needing to go to Minneapolis. I am wondering if when he goes back to Minnesota if the kids and I will just go straight to the UK. I’m looking into it.

So many factors. How expensive is rent in a given area. How much does it cost to get to that place. How long can I handle not being medicated? How many hops should I do alone with the kids while Noah is off doing work hops?

Lots to consider.

Today I am going to move more stuff out to the driveway. And I will police my children’s behavior. And we will drive to Mountain View, of course. Like we do.

I am having mixed feelings about all the stuff going. It’s both freeing and terrifying. I find it funny how many people want to know why I’m not obsessively trying to get every dollar back that I can. That would take so much time and energy and I will get so little back.

The kids are caught up on academics! We can plan an advent season! I’m thrilled! We debated if we wanted to have anything on the calendar that centers around friends. We elected not to. If we see friends, great. If we don’t–that needs to not be something that makes us sad. I expect to not see people much before we go.

I am struggling with wanting to make noise about breaking ties and wanting things to just blow over quietly. I’m feeling sad but not in ways that I feel justified for. I feel like this breakup is largely my fault so I don’t get to be sad. But every breakup is sad. I notice the gap when I want to talk to someone effusively about Christmas presents. There isn’t anyone else for that. So I kind of sort of talk to myself and move on with my day.

There is going to be a big hole in my heart.

It has to be ok because it is going to happen no matter what.

I am glad I have Noah.

I should get moving. I’m so tired.