It’s really weird how much stuff is breaking. My laptop is being repaired right now. A replacement watch is on the way, because my Christmas present already broke. Most of my socks are wearing out. They aren’t getting one hole, they are getting 4-8 holes all of a sudden. There has been a little bit of anxiety around Eldest Child going to see grandpa. As of this moment she is going. We leave for the airport in 12 hours. No pressure.

She has a prepaid gift card and $260 in cash. I hope that is enough money to buy her food in the airports and groceries and the admission she will need to pay for when she does stuff with grandpa. He does not intend to pay for anything. He can’t right now. His girlfriend just got laid off. He would like to borrow $25,000 from me. I’m having really big feelings about that right now. I’m pretty sure I need to say no just because I am not feeling stable in friendships right now and I feel used. This is a really bad time for me to do a loan like that. This break up is hurting.

I have done my PT exercises at least three days in a row. Some of them are getting easier. I can do a wall sit for a full minute. I am struggling with that mindset problem where I want to get ahead. I want to give myself some kind of slack. So I want to do tomorrow’s homework today. But doing two rounds of PT exercises in one day does not actually work like that. I’m feeling deep frustration.

I’m having a lot of trouble sleeping. I’m so anxious. My thumbs hurt. I’m tired of feeling sad.