I am frustrated. I am not medicated. I am in pain again after the most beautiful reprieve of my adult life. I feel stupid, worthless and like if I am going to be worked like a dog until I drop then I should just drop now because I am so fucking tired. I feel really hopeless today. I feel like a failure at absolutely everything and in every relationship.

I feel incapable of sustained happiness. I should have accepted the Oxycontin prescription and climbed into a closet for the rest of my life. Then I wouldn’t notice how much I hate myself and how I am treated.

My children shirking their work and lying on the heels of Sarah breaking up with me… I feel like I am nothing but rage and pain. I didn’t lie convincingly enough. I didn’t pretend it was ok for her to lie to me and abandon me so I am bad and I deserve nothing.

“By the way I want your points for next year for a trip with my family.”

Which I am not a part of. Thank you for reminding me, oh “chosen family” that you want my money and resources and not me.

I feel a lot better about giving the money to women of color or single mothers. Fuck you.

Fuck you for using me the same way you use your grandmother. You lie and steal money from her too. You have effectively stolen money from most of your housemates too and none of us are allowed to talk about it or we are picking on you!

If anyone gets mad at you for treating them like shit obviously they have Borderline Personality Disorder.

Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.

Bitch you bought a $500 plane ticket with money that was supposed to feed my children. That’s far from your only shitty act, it’s just one of the easiest ones to explain. That’s how much you care about my children.

You said you would be there for my kids. Then cancelled constantly because you always had better things to do.

I see you. I see your lies.

Stop making promises you will never, ever keep.