Mixed feelings

It may have been the best school day of this school year. Apparently kneeling on rice is a fabulous inducement?

I have so many mixed feelings.

By “best” I mean that we worked together without fussing or yelling or being nasty about anything. Nobody had to be glared at. “Ok, it’s x’o’clock and you haven’t finished, time for 15 minutes of work on rice.” Then all of a sudden they finished SUPER FAST and they weren’t upset and I wasn’t upset and the work got done…

Being mean is being nice. Being nice is being mean.

Parenting is so confusing.

I feel physically better than I have in a while. I didn’t yell today. My body is very happy about that. I am really embarrassed and ashamed of how much I have been yelling. I have been very out of control.

If I tell the truth and set boundaries people will leave me.

Maybe only the people who need to be gone from my life anyway. Even if that hurts. Maybe hurting and setting boundaries is good. How many times do I have to learn this fucking lesson.

2 thoughts on “Mixed feelings

  1. Dana

    I…am glad it seemed to work as a threat I guess but it’s not any different from any other form of corporal punishment.
    If you think spanking is wrong so is kneeling on rice. Just because it’s another culture’s version doesn’t make it more ok. If your moral problem with spanking is only that you’re afraid you’d lose control, I guess it’s an improvement there?

    It does, as far as I can tell googling, make it far more likely you’ll be reported by shocked people trying to figure out if it’s abuse, although I did find several “well, it’s a common punishment in Hispanic and Asian cultures, so please try not to completely panic” things written for teachers.

    Reply
    1. Krissy Gibbs Post author

      Well, I asked my kids if they wanted to try it as a deterrent to daydreaming the whole time they are doing academics and they said yes. And then they got their work done quickly and they were pleased with themselves and I didn’t spend the whole day yelling.

      Ok. If that is as hideous as hitting them then I am hideous. I need to stop yelling at them. I have not found other things that work to change their behavior. I don’t think this is going to be a daily occurrence. My children don’t have much that motivates them. I asked them if they wanted to try this. They said yes. If they tell me that they need this to stop it will stop.

      If that is the same thing as hitting them whether they like it or not…. uhhh ok.

      Reply

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