If I felt more entitled to be upset about how things worked out… it would be different. But I don’t. I feel like I am hurting myself with this anger.

Things didn’t work out. Maybe things had no possibility of working out for a person like me.

I mean, some things worked out so well! I have a pretty great family. I have friends. I have people who are careful about what they promise because they follow through and they don’t want to hurt me.

People aren’t acting the way they are acting because of me. They are trying to take care of themselves and I am just not that important.

I deleted over 300 people from my contacts today. I think that is healthy. I need to stop feeling like I should reach out to these people.

I feel so sad and I don’t want to be sad.

I want to feel like it would matter if I died. Not because someone would have to raise my children for me, because *me* being here makes the world better. I don’t feel that way at all. I feel bad. I feel like I make the world bad.

I don’t know what balance means. I want to feel like I am helping my children and my husband and my friends and other people and instead I feel like I am bad because I need help.

I am a taker.

I am a user.

And I don’t like me very much for it.