I am really frustrated. This apartment size is getting to me. There is literally no where to be out of the way unless you shove into a corner of the room. Most of those corners mean you can’t eat because the god damn rug is electric and we all spill our food so we have to stand/sit/crouch around the tiny bit of bare floor. And then if anyone wants to get up and get something else everyone has to god damn shift over. I am losing my mind.

Eldest Child’s knee is almost better. She has cabin fever. But we are up three flights of stairs and she was irritating it a lot and I need her to be all the way better before we go through another airport so we have to sit around and wait until it is FULLY healed, not almost healed. I am so bored.

I am tired of my entire days being laundry, cleaning, go get food, clean, interspersed with constant nursing and diaper changes.

I went out on a self date the other night. I got 2 whole hours away. The restaurant I picked had great food and shitty attitude. The host and another customer asked where I was from then had a loud sneering conversation in Japanese about “California” and “English only”. Given that they have a Japanese word that doesn’t sound like English they were pretty clearly making sure I understood they were talking shit. It wasn’t peaceful or fun.

I don’t get to go explore the city. Even if I did go I would have to take the two younger kids and Middle Child would loudly complain the whole time if I did anything other than go to a children’s play area.

I don’t get to have down time.

I don’t get to sleep.

Dealing with food is a nightmare. I am so frustrated. We have to walk to the store every day to get preprepared food that varies day by day and my kids are being really snotty about anything being weird and I am fucking out of patience. YES. THEY EAT FUCKING CHICKEN SKIN HERE. SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT AND GOD DAMN EAT BECAUSE I AM NOT WALKING ANOTHER TWO MILES TO TRY TO FIND SOMETHING OTHER THAN THESE GOD DAMN SKEWERS. THIS WAS THE NON SEAFOOD OPTION. WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!!?!?!?!

Obviously I have not said that. But I am gritting my teeth a lot and I’m getting really short with their complaints. At first I told them they didn’t have to eat anything they didn’t like. Then that turned into living on fruit and sugary bread. Guess what, you have to eat the fucking protein I can find. I am sorry they don’t exclusively have chicken breasts for you. Suck. It. Up.

I have had to eat more than one thing that probably had seafood in it because that’s what there was. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

We can’t only have familiar food. And no you can’t live on cream buns. That’s not ok.

I am really glad the kids told me they only wanted to be here for three weeks instead of longer. They show great wisdom.

Every other apartment for the next few months will have an easier kitchen. That’s turning out to be an even bigger deal than I could have imagined. We need a table. We need a place where we can sit down and eat together. It’s important. We need a way to cook so that we are not dependent on whatever the store puts together that day from mostly seafood.

This country is both more polite than my experience of Paris and less polite. It’s fascinating. I don’t want to “go home” but I don’t want to be here anymore.

Thank you, next.

I miss scrambles. Eating raw fruit and vegetables every day for breakfast probably isn’t helping. I’m hungry. The meals in restaurants here usually leave me feeling hungry and I need to go supplement. The people here are smaller and their calorie needs are lower. But I also kind of feel like a pig when I buy 5-6 preprepared “meals” for our family of 4 adult sized people and a baby. But we eat them.

And the baby is sick. I am frustrated. I am probably getting sick too. But I sucked a looooooot of snot out of her nose. The nose Frida is simultaneously awesome and truly disgusting.

I just want to rest. I want a bed day. I want to not have to clean for a day. I want to not have to go take care of anyone or anything.

That won’t be happening any year soon and today I feel super bitter and angry about it.