There’s a lot that’s great here. If I had a real kitchen I think I could handle the other inconveniences of being in a really small space here. I’m not ready to leave because I haven’t gotten a massage in four weeks and I’m in a lot of pain. I am exhausted. The night wakings are slowing down a little, but I’m going to jump time zones again and poor little Sweetness is going to not appreciate that.

I am worried about almost 22 hours of travel right now. But, we’ll get through it. It is going to hurt. I am going to have to take some Ibuprofen whether I like it or not. I am going to have a rough two days because when we arrive we truly must get provisions. And then I think we will sit in the flat on Wednesday and do virtually nothing. I mean, change diapers and eat and all that. I will have to cook, but that is going to feel like a relief at this stage. More familiar food sounds lovely.

Wonderful Miss Jenny is helping me figure out how to get groceries delivered so that maybe we won’t have to leave the apartment on Tuesday after all. (She doesn’t have a car so she is familiar with this pickle.) That would be really rad.

I am a bit apprehensive about being separated from Noah for two weeks. It started out this way because Noah and Eldest Child were going to be taking a side trip for a week to deal with teeth stuff. That got jettisoned once I started looking into the fact that going in and out of the bay for a retainer would be more expensive than doing braces again and probably be more frustrating and difficult for EC. She has lost several retainers and that experience is making her feel bad about herself. Whereas she did great with managing her braces and she came out feeling super self confident.

Wherever we land, Middle Child is going to want braces. His mouth looks just like mine. Ha.

Beautiful had a good thought about my fear of rejection/people saying no to things I ask. I already tell myself no for a lot of things. I don’t ask for 10% of what I want because I don’t feel entitled. So when someone tells me no… it feels like a much bigger rejection due to me having already rejected myself. It feels like my friend is agreeing with my internal dialogue that says I shouldn’t be asking at all.

My brain is an asshole.