I have been withdrawing a fair bit this week. Noah had the kids for 7 hours on Tuesday. He took the kids down to the shop for necessary stuff on Wednesday and was gone close to 2 hours. I stayed up late last night watching Outlander because I wanted space away from other people’s bodies.

I think it is funny that a cumulative 10.5ish hours of not interacting in a week feels like oh my god I am rejecting everyone and being awful.

Well I’m going out on Sunday for about 5 hours too.

That means that this week I will have less time off from my kids than I used to get when we had a steady babysitter. And I feel like I am being horribly extravagant and selfish.

I need this. I need this a lot. I’m feeling guilty that I’m ignoring everyone so much… but I literally haven’t had this much time off in a week in over a year. It’s a need not a want and I wish I weren’t beating myself up internally for taking the time.

I can’t take so much time off mid-week every week because… Noah needs protected work time. But I should probably be taking a bunch of weekend time off every weekend until we go to Portland. That’s going to be a rough three week stretch alone if I don’t do something to put some spoons back in my drawer.