So this month I’ve had dates with most of my folks, group dates and otherwise. I have only had penetrative sex with one of them on one of the dates. It just isn’t really happening. I’m having lots of sex free dates this month. After not dating last month.

Feast or famine. What the fuck? Why aren’t I fucking?

I’m not feeling dominant. I’m not feeling bossy. I’m not feeling like saying, “Do this.”

I’m not feeling brave about asking. I’m not willing to risk a “No” right now. Sometimes I can’t.

So I’ll gaze at you with adoration and hope that this feeling will pass. That this divided feeling will go away and I will be able to touch my desire again. Volition. Desire. Wanting. Possession. Ownership.

What does owning my body mean? Fuck if I know.