We put in ~ 40 screws out of 66 before the battery on my drill died completely. Not bad. The corded drill isn’t buff enough to do this work so I’m waiting till tomorrow. No biggie. We didn’t test the tent.

I’m up to about three weeks of having one normal poop a day. For the last few days I’ve been eating a fair bit of garlic. I’m breaking all the FODMAP rules and still pooping normally. I’m done tracking food.

In the past ~20 days I’ve had a few days with one normal poop and then a small squirt of diarrhea later in the day. I consider that acceptable. I don’t have any desire to continue tracking. It doesn’t seem to be doing me any good.

I am deeply frustrated that I did the process and found… no clear connections. I *am* pooping normally… which is a big change. Near as I can tell the fast or some combination of just dropping foods out for a while was good for me. I don’t know.

I’ve spent the last two days reminding myself that how other people feel about me isn’t my business. I’m having really big feelings. I am so ridiculously insecure. But I’m not reaching out for any validation. It is inappropriate to ask and ask and ask.

Sometimes I feel very sad that there has never been a period of my life that is safer than right now in which to make mistakes… and I still don’t feel safe enough to make many kinds of mistakes.

I don’t even know what I would “want” in terms of validation from people. I feel like folks have generally been very decent to me for a while here. Well, my friends are being fine. I haven’t had a sticky moment with a friend in several weeks. Notice how I’m not going out as much as usual. I think there’s a connection.

I’m not having good luck with all people but that’s different.

I feel like I am not good at figuring out perspective. Either I am underestimating or overestimating how important something is.

A long time ago I spent a lot of money trying to have a cross country relationship with someone. I found out that person got married on my coast just recently. Interesting.

I lose people. Lots of people. Mostly I think of it as “my fault” but I shouldn’t. I can’t have relationships with thousands of people–it isn’t physically possible. Given how many people I know I probably can’t be closer to anyone than I am.

Sometimes it is really hard knowing that I have to carefully balance out not seeing people for too many hours in a year or we have problems.

I lost that relationship partially because the person in question could only handle the strain of so many bi-coastal relationships and I was an outlier. Everyone else was wound into their life more fully. So I… just didn’t fit.

I’m used to that.