I feel very conflicted about pretty much everything. I spend a lot of time reading writing from women of color. I want to be less of a douche and I’m not going to learn that if I only read white people.

Have you noticed how brutal our culture is? I don’t honestly know if we are the most brutal ever, that seems like a stupid thing to worry about. We are brutal. Are we more brutal than other cultures?

I honestly can’t judge. I don’t live in those cultures. I know my culture is brutal.

A woman I respect is from a Native tribe and she tells me about what it is like for her to have her culture with her all the time. I… I try to imagine that. I try to imagine what it would be like to have a culture you can pull around you like a blanket of safety.

There are white people who feel safe. I don’t.

There are people who believe that being white is a glorious thing. I think of the mass murders. I think of the atrocities we commit. I think of our tendency towards committing the same crimes as everyone else but only non-white people have to be punished.

I read an article today on pushing back on privilege. One thing she recommended was never going to spaces that are exclusionary. Ever. Because you are hurting marginalized people.

In light of going to Michfest…

You know what? I met transwomyn there. So it is billed as an exclusive event… but it only sorta was. But that’s complicated. I thought it would be and I went. I was delighted to find the cracks.