Last time it took almost five years after MC before I had renewed interest in sex in a sustained way. This time Her Sweetness is only 18 months old and I feel like I am crawling the walls. I have initiated sex several times this week and I haven’t done that in years. I don’t think I have been this interested in sex since the last time I was in full hunt mode. I am not sure how this switch flipped. I suppose it is for the best that I am only thinking about Noah.

I wonder if getting more privacy is going to result in a renaissance in our love life. I have hope.

I am not just interested in vanilla sex. I am thinking about all sorts of depravity.

I am reading the book Come As You Are and I am thinking about stress and anxiety. I am thinking about what things were like after the older kids were born. I felt so much pressure to hurry up and perform. So much worry about holding appropriate boundaries for the kids. I don’t feel either now. I feel pretty confident that I am a good mother and I have definitely sheltered my kids from my sex life.

They regularly declare things like “You haven’t hit anyone in years.” I think about cutting my submissive open and licking up his blood. They really couldn’t come close to guessing. That’s good.

I don’t know how much I will hang out with local kinky people in the Highlands. I worry about my attraction to people with poor boundaries. I clearly have some scene friends with good boundaries. But the entire city of Inverness is so much smaller. I am trying to think about how to leave space for my kids too.

I have some suspicions about the apples and the tree and all that.

We will see. For now I am just enjoying feeling desire.