Well, when I was about 21 I had cancer cells removed from my cervix. Thank you HPV. I caught it fast. I treated it fast. It hasn’t mattered.

But now that I have a second form of cancer… it matters. It is showing a pattern. A predisposition. And I’m very young for skin cancer. It’s a really bad sign that I’m getting it before 40 because even if this round is caught early and treated in a proactive manner… I’m very likely to get it again. It is more likely to spread to being other kinds of cancer in my body.

I am having big feelings about the fact that the man who gave me HPV (he knew he had it and he didn’t disclose it until after I came home sobbing about what a horrible person I was for having this disease and I’m so sorry I exposed you to this, I don’t know which one of my partners gave me this…) also used to enjoy giving me sunburns on my back because it was funny. He liked knowing I was in a kind of pain I couldn’t get away from.

So much for “risk aware consensual kink”. That relationship did a lot to harm my body permanently.

Oh, he’s also the partner who broke my arm.

I HAVE SPENT SO MANY YEARS TALKING ABOUT HOW GREAT HE WAS. Maybe just being better than my rapist/serial pedophile father isn’t a high enough bar.