Do you ever get that feeling where you feel uncomfortable and unhappy and you wish you could just scrape your skin off? I’m there. I have so many thoughts, so many feelings, so much I don’t know how to talk about.

My children are learning about just how unkind people are. I am sorry. I wish I could spare you. I wish I could bubble wrap you. But I can’t. People are unkind. People hate you for existing without ever meeting you. It’s us vs them always and forever. You won’t like a lot of the “us” camps you are put into but this isn’t a democracy. You are assigned. It’s a lot like gym class. You don’t get a choice.

Now my kids understand what I mean when I say that. They hate gym class.

So does pretty much everyone else, kiddos.

Asking for support is a mixed bag. It fails more often than it goes well. It’s not anyone else’s fault. If you can’t articulate what you want, that is how things go. If what you want is to be in an “us” that sees you and cherishes you and believes you are good enough as you are… hahahahahahahahahahaha.

People will tell you that you are there chosen family. That fails. Blood will not be enough to bind people to you. People will choose their own self interest over and over. If you hurt yourself to help other people… all you will be left with is a mountain of pain.

I don’t know what the future will bring. But I’m off to Edinburgh and I’m not bringing a computer. That way maybe I will actually look at the people in my “us” without distraction. Maybe it will help.