It’s been absolutely gorgeous here and I am forcing my kids to be out in the yard as much as possible. I haven’t started moving all of my plants from the polytunnel to the yard (well, the ones I will move at all) yet because we keep having -1 at night still. I’m hopeful for next week. After next week I think it is do or die.

I’m using the treadmill. I am surprised by how much faster I go on it than I do on the road. I can do 4.5 miles on a treadmill going faster than 12 min/mile. I can’t do that on the road at all at this point. Although, I haven’t been on the road much lately and I don’t really know where I am. I have started using the TRX for PT again. It is fucking killing me. My shoulders are so fucked up. Doing the exercises means hearing grinding and clicking the whole way through. It’s almost exciting only it sucks.

I’ve been pushing too hard on gardening and painting the wood. My hands are a mess. They hurt more than they have since we got here. Ok, I found my limit. 14 hours of painting in three days after building a rock staircase… that’s too much.

I’m super unhappy that yet more things have broken in the house since my last fucking journal entry. This house is ridiculous.

I think we are going to start playing in the burn further up the road a bit. My neighbor is… being mixed in his signals. He tells me it is fine for my kids to go play on the other side of the fence then he erects barriers. I’m not sure if he is worried about us or the random other people I keep seeing on the driveway. Either way I’m going to stop listening to his words because most people are liars.

I broke my glasses and I’m still using them until replacements arrive. The focal point moves around while I wear them and I keep getting dizzy. This is super annoying.

We have gone through just about 5kg of flour in the last two months. Holy saucebuckets of baking, Batman. That’s on top of multiple kilos of self-raising and strong flour. Turns out baking is a stress activity for me?

I hope I stick with this, but when I run out of alcohol in the cupboard I want to not buy any for a while. I should probably pick a plan like T and say I can buy a bottle for my birthday, Yule, pick one or two other holidays during the year and other than that… don’t buy it. I am still not a problem drinker by Scottish standards but I am not happy about the weight I have put on and I strongly suspect it is alcohol related. I am exercising enough that I should see the numbers move. I’m not. Something needs to change and you will pry my cake away from my cold dead hands.

I’ll give up fucking meat before I give up cake.

So. First: booze.

The tap I got to replace the broken one in the bathroom is wrong and cannot be used. The tap I got to replace the broken one in the kitchen doesn’t fit because there isn’t enough space in the cabinet to install it. The lights I got to replace the broken one in the kitchen has the wrong facing on it. The powder room toilet seat just snapped off entirely.

I want to cry. I am so tired and so frustrated.

I don’t want to be nice.

I’m on my period and my back hurts so much I feel like I would like really heavy drugs. And a bath. And I can’t take a bath.

Fuck and fuck and fuck everything.