Have you told the people you love how much they mean to you lately? I don’t do it enough. I don’t spend enough time telling people that I love them and I want them to be happy–whatever that means to them.

I know it is selfish and all, but no one else can die for a few years. I need to know you are out in the world shining brightly, guiding ships through the storm. You have guided me through storms and you show me who I want to grow up and be. I am so scared of losing you. Even if I don’t talk to you all the time I think about you. I think about you when I am trying to decide how I should act. I flip through your images in my mind like a playing card deck. Who would react to this situation in the way I would respect the most? Who should I emulate today?

I know that everything that is born must someday die. I really want someday to not be soon. I am weak and I am pathetic and I am not ok when you are not in the world.

Too many people that took me in hand at 18, 19, 20 are dying. I will do everything I can to try and honor the love you showed me. I will speak of you forever. As long as I am alive I will ensure that your stories and your memory are spoken and honored. That is all I truly have to offer. You are on your own journey and it isn’t about me.

I will think forever about the times when we shared a path for a while; I will think about you holding my hand and helping me to find safer places to put my feet. You showed me love and I will pass that on tenfold because that is what your gift deserves. You made me bigger and I will try to share that on.

Thank you. I love you.