I would like to make this in-depth. We’ll see how much I manage in the next few minutes.

I’m such a roller coaster. My life is great and wonderful and incredibly frustrating so I’m up and down more than I like. For example: this Saturday I started out in a terrible mood for no specific reason. I was just feeling horrible and awful. I was assured that I wasn’t actually taking it out on Noah, but I was sure being pissy near him. *sigh* Then I got a call from my beloved stand in mom, ditenebre (did that code work?) saying she had comp tickets for Dickens Fair that we could have for this weekend. Originally I didn’t think we would be able to go on Saturday given the list of things we wanted to get done in the day, but she wouldn’t be there on Sunday so we decided to make it on Saturday despite the inconvenience and my general pissiness. I decided to wear my corset cause… well, I could. And it was an attempt to feel dressy cause I don’t get to do that much these days.

We were both so happy we went. The day there was wonderful. I got to be reminded that there are actual real live groups of people who like me! Dude!! I feel very isolated most of the time lately and it is hard to remember that people like me. At Dickens we couldn’t walk 3 minutes without someone being ecstatic to see me and often jumping up and down before hugging me hard. My self esteem drastically needed that. I felt happier than I have been in a while, and I haven’t exactly been miserable lately. A hot girl at Dark Garden played dress up with me and I ended up leaving with a sheer gorgeous black shirt that sorta barely covers me, but is entirely flattering in the process. And hey–said hot girl dressed and undressed me several times. I so win. Many hot and lovely boys flirted with me like crazy. I very sadly had to turn down the many kisses offered because my cold sore isn’t completely healed yet, but I was quite flattered that I was having to turn them down constantly. 🙂 Oh baby the flirting rocked. 🙂 When I finally got to Fezziwig’s I was passed from boy to boy to boy and that rocked. I did have it reaffirmed to myself that it isn’t that I miss dancing that much, I miss dancing with terpsichoros. He taught me how to dance and I can follow his lead better than any one else’s. I like dancing with other people, quite a bit even. But with him I feel light and graceful and beautiful. Thank you honey for introducing me to dancing. I will never be able to repay the debt I owe you.

So many other lovely and wonderful people. Miss barelyproper did my hair and I left it in all weekend and was thrilled. And and and… too many people to name. I love you all. I was so happy to see you. I was asked if we would be returning and told that as a bribe people could arrange comp tickets to get me there. 🙂 I am strongly considering it. One day may not have been enough. I am so grateful that ditenebre gave me the opportunity to go. Thank you. I really needed that.

And then on Sunday we got a Christmas tree!!! That rocked. It was a serious pain to put up and it still seriously leans. *grin* It’s as non-straight as I am! Then Noah’s dad called. … Intimidating much? It was a very interesting conversation. He went a long way towards repairing the anger I was feeling in his direction and expressed a great deal of support for my position with regards to Noah’s mom. I’m grateful for that. He is right that I don’t really understand his position, but I’m glad he is willing to understand how hard I have worked to get away from people like his wife. That made me feel much better, which in turn relieves some of the stress between Noah and I right now. Yay all the way around.

I have been forgetful like crazy lately and seriously beating myself up about it. But I’m trying really hard to get that under control. Cause despite my negative self talk, I am smart. I am capable. I am good at most of the things that matter in my life. I’m just also very overwhelmed. It’s ok that I make mistakes when i’m massively overwhelmed. 10 days till Christmas break.

Oh! And my AP (assistant principal) observed me yesterday. She had only positive things to say so far. We haven’t had the official sit down meeting, but when we walked past each other she stopped to note that I have really great classroom control and excellent relations with the kids. She specifically said, “You are great at noticing when someone gets off task and getting them back on track without it being a disruption of the overall class and the kids take it well which shows that you have a very positive relationship with them in general.” Still grinning about that. Yay!

And despite feeling like I was showing up with no plan or ability to be on task today I have managed to get everything together and organized and absolutely set for the next two days in time to finally update my lj. 🙂 Go me. And I found time to go get lunch with my buddy and I went over the entries for the MLK Jr contest and submitted my official judging ballot. Damn I’m on task today

Have I mentioned lately that I love my friends? And that I love my husband even more than all of my friends combined? We’ve been talking a lot about my insecurities (you know–all those things that live in my head and really aren’t about him despite the fact that they inadvertently affect our relationship?) and he is just so amazing. He is supportive and tolerant and he is getting WAY better at standing up for his own boundaries as he supports me. I couldn’t be prouder of him. 🙂 Yay. Ok, still feeling overwhelmed and that is scary. But my life is really good.