As I was lying in bed this morning I was thinking about what makes sex good for different people. So here I am, soliciting the comments of my fun friends. 🙂
What makes sex good for you?
As I was lying in bed this morning I was thinking about what makes sex good for different people. So here I am, soliciting the comments of my fun friends. 🙂
What makes sex good for you?
HRM…..what makes sex BEST?….relaxed trusting intensity, simultaneous orgasms, tingly goose bumps all over, neck biting…..what makes sex GOOD?….having it! Tee hee.
Simply in terms of numbers I have had way more sex than you. So my scale is a little different. I’ve had enough sex to have had bad sex. 😉
Well, the question wasn’t what makes sex bad. And you did put me on a filter with your fun friends. I guess I’m not fun enough. 😉 I’ve had the bad sex, too, and it’s largely been my own damn fault….when my head runs amok, and my insecurities take over.
😛 You *know* you are fun. It’s more that your ‘better’ sex was what I was hoping for. Yay for giving me what I wanted and smart assery too. 😛
Hey – you smart assed first!
If anyone else needs to “scale” my sex, here it is….I’ve only ever had PIV sex with one man, and have done so with that one man for the last 13 years. Yup, freak’o’nature here. Oooh….ahhhh!
I don’t think that the number of partners decides how interesting the sex is. I’m willing to bet that if we put percentages on numbers of times of good vs. bad you have had overall percentage wise more good sex than me. (I’ve had way lots of bad sex. Especially early on.) Which is why I am more concerned at this point that I try for good sex cause I’m really sick of having bad sex.
I meant that the teasing part of your answer was in your first response when you said good sex was just having it. I wasn’t trying to be mean honey.
I think it is a great thing that you didn’t have to go through so many people who were awful in bed. I’m envious in many ways. I don’t think that my experiences are superior.
I think the most relevant answer for your context question then is “trust, commitment, emotional intimacy.” The reason I only have one partner is that I didn’t want to have “casual” sex, or even sex before I got to know and trust someone. Believe me, there were offers and opportunities, but that wasn’t the kind of sex I wanted. Because it is the connection and love and ability to be honest and trust that make our sex best, those core elements are what allow the other stuff to line up and be really good. Learning about how I orgasm with another person meant a lot of sharing and trust that would have been impossible to achieve otherwise.
Knowing they want me… whether that’s because they love how I pleasure them or they love to give me pleasure.
And the voice. Words are nice, but the shivers come from a vocal tone, regardless of what it’s saying.
Contact: especially with someone I’m in love with, but also just with anyone I’m very attracted to, the feel of them all over, pressing against them, lots of contact.
Connection: Almost all the sex I have is with friends (including relationship partners in that set), who I want to grow closer to. Sex doesn’t have to do that but if we both intend it to, it does. A great way to get to know someone better 🙂
Reactions: People are the best, most stimulating toys! I love experimenting to see what sounds and expressions she’ll make and how she’ll move and what rhythms of time work and how.
Empathy: I wish I could have girl orgasms, and experience sex the way they do in general. It seems more powerful and satisfying. However, the closer I am to someone, the better I can empathize during sex, and get the experience vicariously, which is as close as I’ll ever come.
Fantasy: A good roleplay lets me dive into a fantasy as completely as while watching a movie – except it’s one I get to create (sometimes collaboratively with my partner(s)).
These are just some, there are more things. Sex rocks 🙂
Being in a fairly new (four months now) relationship that already feels better than any I’ve had in the last five years, I’ll offer this:
the fact that he’s into me, not just into the sex
that he’s into both of us having fun along the way, not just waiting for me to ask for what I want
that he’s into exploring. “Hm, I hadn’t thought of doing it *that* way before.”
that he takes direction well. 🙂 he’s learning to give direction well, too.
that we laugh. A lot. In the right spots. *g*
that he’s not threatened by my previous experiences
he’s also not threatened by the fact that I don’t orgasm from PIV sex
that he’s not afraid to either act or react
that he has good surprises
that he’s someone I thoroughly enjoy being with *outside* the bedroom/playspace
that orgasm doesn’t have to be the goal or the finishing point – for either of us
he’s not afraid to be mushy. or rough-&-serious. or giggly, depending on what seems to be called for at the moment. he’s also flexible enough to realize that even if the plan called for one of those, the circumstances may redirect things.
That’s what I can think of right now.
Knowing that I’m wanted – that the person I’m with wants to fuck me for their own selfish desires.
This is a big one for me.
oooh.
For me?
Sexy smart pillow talk.
Creativity!
Wickedness. Not evil, just wicked.
Playfulness.
Rough. 🙂
What makes sex good?
Intensity. Surprise. Gradual build up. Flirting before during and after. Tenderness and passion.
that’s all I got on this little sleep. I’ll try to revisit this tomorrow and see if I’ve got other ideas.
now I think I’ll drag my sexy old man to bed.
Fun sex?
partner willing to put for at least, hopefully more, effort as you… for me this normally causes me to want to put in more effort… and then the possibilities are numerous…
partner who can tease somewhere near as well as I can…
someone I can laugh with here and there…
Someone I can tease, who will tease me back at least as much…
someone who kisses incredibly well… and uses that as a diversion…
someone that wants me to have as great of a time as possible, while I want them to have as great a time as possible…
I’ve been having awesome sex with the same someone for about a week now… and every time has been great fun… we’re both caught up in the NRE, and I expect that to wear off… but I don’t expect the sex to go downhill or get monotonous… he definately ranks in my “best sex” list.
and now I feel as tho I’ve rambled…
All of the above adds to fun sex, enjoyable sex, meaningful sex, athletic sex and all sorts of other wonderful sex. But in the end, I need something more, something very hard to find. The best technique in the world doesn’t cut it for me – which is rather sad. I don’t orgasm easily, but I’ve spent years trying to figure out what my partners had in common.
All the people I’ve had truly mind-blowing sex with have been empaths. If two empaths can lower their shields and power eachother’s pleasure through. . . I don’t know what to call it, a bio-feedback loop perhaps?
Curiously, its not about technique or what hits where or any of the purly physical sensations. I know my body very well, and I’m very good at giving feedback. My partners are usually very accommodating (or they cease to be partners). Unfortunately, there aren’t that many people out there who I have that level of connection with.
The best sex is when I don’t have to say “a little to the left”. While I appreciate a partner who wants to hear what I desire, if I have to engage my left brain to put it into words, I drop a notch or two in my arousal level.
Involvement, fantasy, friction, small amounts of conflict, partners who look/feel good to me, but mostly…
passion.
Lust. Both ways. For it to be good for me, I need to want them. I want to need them. I must feel the smoldering inside me that drags my hips against theirs, burns up through my chest to tighten my throat into a low growl, and then sparks in my eyes to show that dangerous spark of urgency…of compulsion. And I need that in their eyes too. I need to know when my body presses against theirs, the only thing they can think of is tearing off my shirt so they can feel my skin against them. I want to hear in their voices that their loins tighten at the thought of me.
Trust, Intimacy, those are important for making love…but for good sex…the most essential thing is lust.
Your mileage may vary.
Trust. Willingness, intent and desire to be present. Generousity. Obvious desire shown. Openess, depth, imagination, keen perception and a certain feralness. Compassion.