—Side note–I’ve added some people to the school filter. If you don’t want to hear me talk about my job a lot, feel free to ask to be taken off. During the school year this filter will probably see about 70% of my posts and when I’m around some crunch time I get really posty.—
From what I can tell, most teachers are nervous near the beginning of the school year. I’m getting pretty terrified. I think English 3 will go well (hell, I start out my day with Tigger-boy and my favorite dyke from 7th period last year [Uhm, she failed–despite my being on the phone with her mother daily and having her in for detention frequently. This time she will have to be in detention *before* assignments are due so that she never develops a backlog of work to make up.] so my day will at least start well every day) but I’m worried about 2A. What if the smart kids don’t think I am a good teacher? *insert nervous hand-wringing* The problem is that most 2A kids desperately want the other guy because he is well known as being the best thing ever. I can’t ever be him though. I’m really not looking forward to the unhappy resignation in the first week when they realize they have me.
I’m having a tremendous number of scary dreams where I completely fuck up. This is not making me sleep well. My consolation and indication that I probably will not fuck up too badly is that I have been in more prepping than any other teacher in my department. I’m so worried about doing well it isn’t funny. The funny (to me) thing is that my coworkers and department chair are all convinced that I will be absolutely fabulous. My chair told me he expects me to do 2A for a couple of years then take over the 4AP classes. Uhm… he isn’t aware I probably won’t be there in a few years. It’s flattering anyway. 🙂
I got into an argument with an idiot online. I know, kind of hard to avoid when talking to people online. She (in completely incorrectly spelled language) first criticized my usage of vernacular English and then went off on me when I defended myself. I have felt nervous and sad for days. When people say that all of my coworkers and students must hate me because I am so rude and disrespectful I half giggle (it’s ridiculous) and half feel nervous (oh God, what if they’re right?!). It was just enough to make my already existing apprehension suck a bit more. I hate people on the internet. {Uhm, if I actually know you then you don’t count as a “person on the internet”. Well, except for one of you.}
I have the daily plan for English 3 done for the first three weeks already. 2A I don’t have completely planned, but I know most of what I am doing for the first 7 weeks. 🙂
(Have I mentioned that several coworkers have told me that they hate me because they have no idea what they are doing in the first two days?)
I miss my childhood nightmares of monsters. Scary monster dreams are so much easier to deal with than scary failure or scary life-issue dreams.
You’ll do well, and the 2A students will come to love you, because you respect the kids who put in effort, and have little tolerance for those too lazy to do so. It may be harder, because the smarter kids might be mentally lazier (smarter, but more inclined to just “coast by” because they’ve been able to), but that level of respect you have for people who make an effort will show through. Or I may be projecting in that regard.
This is just stage fright. You know what you’re doing and you know what you’re doing and with both of those, it’s just deep breath and plunge-in time. It wasn’t luck that got you to this point, it was you. When it comes down to it, it was all you.
Part of your fear comes from the fact that you really do care a LOT about getting it right for your kids – which is one of the reasons why I (and others) love you so much. I won’t try to tell you “Oh, don’t be afraid” ‘cuz you know I’m not gonna try to tell you what to feel. But I do encourage you to recognize it as a good sign that it matters that much to you.
As far as the 2A kids go, they’re only “desperately wanting” Mr. Other Teacher because he, or his legend, is known to them. Once they get to know you, they’ll love you. It’s what happened last year. The kids who had you last year are gonna be thrilled to see they have you again, just like you’re looking forward to having them at the start of your day. It’ll be that way with the 2A kids soon enough. And then, your legend will grow. 🙂
((Hugs))