My left shift key is broke. Sometimes some letter keys are sticking. I can’t download Firefox, Hangouts, Skype…. all of this is broken since Apple “fixed” my screen. Sigh. I didn’t want to pay $1300 for a new computer right now. It’s not convenient.

Oh my cheese on toast.

$1,000 expenses are convenient or inconvenient not possible or impossible. How in the fuck is this my life?

We are so ready to go. I know I am going back and forth listing things here and on Twitter. I’m trying to not let details slip through the cracks so I’m repeating stuff a lot.

Today we take care of switching our addresses with banks. We bank in three places right now. We have one account attached to the safe deposit box and that will have to stay active or we lose the right to the box. But they are a shitty bank to use for anything overseas so we will probably have all of our US auto payment stuff go through that bank and we will just send a set amount there every month.

The credit union where our five main accounts are we will be keeping the kid saving accounts there and moving everything on to banks we can use overseas more easily. But the kid savings might as well stay there for now. So we will only have two bank accounts with them after today, I think.

And then there is the fancy international bank account. I have mixed feelings about this one. I am not a fancy international person. I’m a slobby international person.

Taxes are coming along. I think I gave Noah the last of stuff from my share of record keeping. I hope. He is so nice to handle taxes. They make my stomach hurt.

That list of address changes I needed to do? Last three places bam bam bam today.

I think we’ve notified utilities. We have to tell garbage on our last day in the house, but whatever.

Kid classes have ended.

Noah has one more Japanese lesson.

We have one more dinner with a friend scheduled.

We are going to a party on Saturday! A neighbor is going to babysit the kids so that Noah can hit me before we give away our hitting toys at the party.

I have 6 more medical appointments. Noah has 2 massages scheduled before we go and leave our favorite people. We are both lucky.

Our wonderful M and B will be staying with us for two days next week so we can have a slow paced visit before we go. I’m looking forward to that. I don’t get to see them enough.

12 days. Plugging right along.

I am not sure we will be able to eat all of the food we have in the house in 12 days. Ha. We really love grocery shopping. It’s a hobby.

That is 36 meals for 5 people and 7 or 8 meals for an extra body…. maybe we’ll get through it all. *cross fingers*

Today I will put a bunch of stuff on the driveway because the rain is over.

We have flights booked to Japan. I was anxious about that step. Now we have planes to Hawaii and Japan booked and lodging in both Hawaii and Japan booked. I don’t have ground transportation yet, but that’s feeling so much less scary. Worst case scenario in Hawaii is we take the city bus that will take 1.5 hours to get to where we are staying. In Japan I am almost certain looking for public transit anyway and I have four weeks of sitting in Hawaii to figure it out.

This is just not much stress at this point. I will get it all done with time to spare. I am relaxing a little more. I’m nervous, but it’s not at a fever pitch.

I wish I was spending less time ranting in my head about what a horrible person I am for expressing my anger and disappointment that people didn’t give me what I wanted from them. I didn’t deserve it. I wasn’t entitled to it. I’m just a selfish asshole who will throw tantrums when I’m not given things I don’t deserve. Fuck me.

I tried not to throw a tantrum. I tried to walk away. But that parting fuck you over my shoulder was uncalled for.

Why do I hate myself for expressions of anger? I’m setting these boundaries because without setting them in this way I walk into you hurting me over and over and over again because I want you so much more than you want me.

I want you and I love you and I spent years pouring energy into you. I walk away with an empty bucket and a lot of pain. But I really don’t think I deserve to be angry about that. It’s just life. Shut up, buttercup. You didn’t do anything bad to me. You didn’t do anything wrong by not wanting the relationship I wanted.

I think that is a lot of what hurts so much. I’m the only one doing anything wrong. I want things I shouldn’t want and then I hurt myself in the process and I take it out on you.

I am such a shitty person. I’m going to go cry now.