Some of the conversations I am having around the DHP are showing me why I don’t really need to stay in CA. I’m not slamming anyone, it’s ok that people have other priorities in their lives. It’s just making me realize how few people I actually consider friends. It isn’t that I am the best person about making it to events–I’m really not. Usually my reason for not going to events is that I am too tired to make it out of my house. I’m not trying to claim this is a morally superior reason. In fact, the people who have told me they would love to come to the DHP only X, Y, and Z are going on the days before and there is no way they will have the energy–that I really get. But “I already have plans with X friend I see every week” is… something I notice. I don’t think it is bad. Everyone needs to pick priorities and making sure that you follow through on solid commitments to the people who are your good friends is a wonderful thing. But I know that I am not one of the good friends.

Once upon a time I had a very active social life. If an event invitation was sent out I took it as a given that I would be going to the event. I didn’t prioritize much beyond “who sent the invitation out first” because I wasn’t actually close with 98% of the people doing the inviting. My life changed. Now I try hard to make it some events because I genuinely love the people and I skip everything else. This means I rarely go out. I am losing contact and priority among the people who have only been acquintances anyway. And my world has shrunk more quickly than I would have thought possible. I’m actually really ok with that.

There are people I am going to miss a lot. The funny thing is, some of the events I prioritze going to now, I will fly in for in the next few years because they are high enough priority. I’m really not going to miss the rest. And now that I am not going out constantly and people know that trying to fuck me is a futile effort I’m really not someone to draw a crowd the way I used to. That’s ok. Learning who your friends are is important.