The last few days have been pretty incredibly up and down. I’ve been hit really hard with emotional stuff for a variety of reasons. Getting through this has been very difficult. I wouldn’t exactly say that I feel great or fine at this point, but I’m working on feeling less crappy. I feel like I’m past the honeymoon phase on some things in my relationship but I don’t know if that is so or if my body is going nuts from pregnancy hormones. All I know is that some things are being much harder right now than I can remember them being. There are some very specific people who came through for me on Thursday night and I am so incredibly grateful that I have such amazing people in my life. Thank you and thank you and thank you again. I love you so much.

Last night I went to a party where I knew maybe 10% of the people and it was a crowded party. I had more social anxiety than I have had in a long time. It didn’t help that my stomach was hurting basically the entire time I was there and that limited my interest in being actively social. Being that close to hoards of humanity was difficult so I spent a lot of time hiding in corners. I did get to talk to a few people whom I rarely see and that was pleasant. In the past around this social group I have been pretty boisterous and I noticed how different the atmosphere was when I could not manage that. I think my one regret was that when I sucked up the courage to ask someone to dance I was turned down and I didn’t have the courage to ask anyone else. *shrug* I generally have about one dance per day in me at this point and I really don’t have the chutzpah to push for partners the way you have to when you aren’t one of the “in demand” dancers. Such is life.

Tonight is the DHP. I’m torn between being excited and being terrified. I’m scared that no one will show up. (I know that at least some people will though.) I’m scared that an enormous crowd of people I don’t know will show up. (The hazards of an open-invite party.) I’m sad about scheduling conflicts. (Such is life in this area.) I’m hoping that my body cooperates and lets me have fun. I’m hoping that more than five people show up whom I actually want to talk to. I’m hoping they show up *before* I pass out. (Or that they come late climb in bed with me so I can sleepily talk to them while cuddling. That could be good too. Uhm–if you worry that I wouldn’t want you in bed with me, probably a better idea to err on the side of caution. Please only do this if you really *know* I would want you to.) Well, we are most of the way to ready but of course there is still stuff to do. Time to get moving.