My poor big girl is sick. It’s nasty. 38.7 temperature (about 101.7). That’s not high enough to need a doctor but it’s high enough that she has a nasty headache and she feels terrible. She is having uhhh other symptoms. Let me pretend she has a wee bit of privacy here. She feels just awful. I am trying to push fluids and rest. I have all the food options she could/should possibly have on standby. I may want to walk down to the store again today to get more fizzy juice.

ALL THE SPRITE AND 7UP HERE HAVE ASPARTAME. UGH.

No.

So fizzy juice it is.

Today will be an ALL THE LAUNDRY sort of day. I started the first load at 4:30am. When this one finishes I am putting Eldest Child in for a long bath and I’m going to boil her sheets like whoa. All the towels need washing.

I was excited to see a full size separate washer and dryer in the house.

I am worried my kids are going to fall like dominoes with illness. Ugh. We leave in 10 days.

So many feelings right now. Gratitude. Trepidation. Worry. Concern. Appreciation.

Noah is absolutely ridiculously wonderful. Most of the visa application stuff falls on his shoulders because it is about selling how awesome he is. He is adding that work to his mountain of work and doing it with a smile.

It’s interesting to me how much my kids have fallen in love with Scotland. They keep telling me how grateful they are that they get to come back. They want this place for their home. Most of the places we visit feel like a stop on the road and it’s nice and all…. but not for us. Scotland feels comfortable.

And by golly we can talk about the weather all day so we’ll do ok.

Art, writing, climbing, walking. We will get used to hill walking. I am excited about the biking opportunities.

So far the whole paying-for-chores thing is going well. My kids are feeling really excited about the link between “I didn’t do much this week so I didn’t earn a lot but last week I worked a ton and I put a bunch into savings.” They are both looking forward to the future where they will want more clothes and toys and they don’t think that a bunch of sweeties are a good plan. We (the grown ups) are still providing two desserts a week and they don’t feel deprived. We also aren’t constantly fighting over candy or crappy food. They have their eye on toys they would like to have in their long-term bedrooms that they can’t have now and they are counting and recounting their growing hoards like Smaug. It’s funny.

They are starting to think hard about how they want to furnish their rooms. We took a quick trip to the charity shop and they were overjoyed by the offerings. And I quote “Even Ikea seems overpriced! I could furnish my whole room for £100 and have money left over for art supplies and toys!”

Our current plan is to start at the charity shop with the absolute minimum we need to get by, get nice mattresses, then just… wait and accumulate money and see if we truly want or need things. After a year or so I will do a lot more evaluation of what I think we need. In my head, putting permanent installation bookshelves from floor to ceiling on one wall of the lounge with a moving ladder would be awesome. (It’s a tall ceiling.)

Apparently futons want replacing in five to ten years depending on weight of the person and how heavily they are used. I am not sure how long Middle Child will continue to want to sleep with us. Eldest Child has said that for the first month or two she might do it half the time then after that she thinks she is ready to just move into her own space. I strongly suspect MC will want to be in the same room as us at night for at least the first year in the new house. I don’t think he has five years of room sharing left in him. Her Sweetness… that’s going to be a longer time.

With five family bedrooms, the annex, and the studio it is interesting thinking about how we will use space. Her Sweetness won’t be big enough for the studio to be a playroom for several years yet. I wouldn’t be comfortable just kicking her out to go play for a solid four years. Maybe until she is much bigger the studio will be the art room?

AND THIS COULD ALL FALL THROUGH AND MY DREAMS MIGHT BE FOR NAUGHT. I get that. But I want to dream anyway. I like this part of the process. I’m not getting my heart set. Just dreaming.

But I feel like all of us big people are going to really benefit from a place where we can make big messy projects that don’t have to be instantly cleaned up because they are in the main living space. EC and I can start experimenting with oil paint. MC wants to try a lot of art mediums that really require being able to leave stuff out for a few days.

Noah is going to turn his office into a video recording room. We will figure out sound stuff and lighting and he won’t have to take it down when he is done for the day. It will make working a lot more simple and relaxed. Fewer steps.

I suspect that the family sleeping room will morph into Her Sweetness’ room over time. That seems like the most logical process. Her toys will start out all over the house, of course. That’s how toddlers roll. Big kid toys will have to live in their rooms because a lot of their toys are things they won’t want to share for many years. They are so far past the toddler stage.

My bedroom will be by invitation only and mostly kids just can’t come in. I’m sure that when we are transitioning out of Her Sweetness’ room it will be complicated and involve some sneaking into my room.

I think that it’s going to be interesting having a dynamic with Noah where it isn’t our room. But I seriously don’t want it to be. I mean, I am sure he will sleep in there with me the vast majority of the time. But that will be because I want to invite him in not because that is simply his place.

This feels so achingly important to me. His office will need to have a place where he can sleep. He could potentially sleep in the annex sometimes if he doesn’t want to be in his office and I need space. We have years before Her Sweetness will want to be alone.

I. Will. Have. A. Space. For. ME.

When I am being a grumpy bitch I will have somewhere to go so I don’t feel like I am a piece of shit who doesn’t deserve to be in a family. I am part of a family. And sometimes I need to be alone in a room because I’m overstimulated as fuck. I won’t have to ask anyone to leave a space that is theirs in order to get room for me. My room is going to be so completely and totally off fucking limits.

I don’t have any real idea how I want to decorate it or use it yet. I want to spend a year just… waiting for the room to speak to me. I don’t want to get started quickly.

I don’t want to do almost any serious long-term work quickly. I want to have the picture fully formed in my head before I do anything. Like my tattoo. I dreamed about it for years before I got started. I’m impulsive and I’m not.

Like, the opposite wall in the lounge from where I think the bookshelves will ultimately go… the wall with the tree I think that one will be a mural wall. I am certain there will be trees involved to go with the trees that are already in the house. I am interested in having another tree bookcase possibly. But the size and shape and details are going to take a long time to percolate in my brain. I am going to do a lot of sketches. I won’t get started for a year or three.

I don’t want to put a single plant in the ground until I have been there for a year and I see how the light hits the ground. I want to learn how much care the current plants already take.

Sleep, creep, leap. I anticipate years three through five being very busy with projects.

In five years Eldest Child will be 16. Oh golly. Middle Child will be turning 14. Her Sweetness will be 6.

Hey USians, did you know that in Scotland 16 is when you are allowed to move out and be independent without emancipation? Holee shit. University students here can start at 16. It is utterly terrifying that my baby is five years away from adulthood. My baby isn’t such a baby anymore. I can’t wait to see how her art has progressed in that time. She is so much better than I was as a child. MC is better than I was too. They are both all of a sudden getting into drawing on the iPad. I am really excited to see their work. I will not permit unfettered access to video games. Drawing? Yes. Even on a screen.

I’m such a fucking control freak.

It’s not that they can’t play games at all! There is value in games! But balance, yo.

I need to stop typing. My fingers hurt. I have so many more thoughts though.