We got an email telling us to come get our passports because the decision is made. Did they tell us the decision? No they did not. Our solicitor says that the way they are giving us the results is promising but we won’t find out until we can make it to the office during business hours tomorrow.

Today is full of appointments: my last massage ever with awesome/racist/she is trying to be less shitty massage therapist lady, kid dentist, dry cleaning pick up, and a manicure because the manicures suck in the UK. Tomorrow I have a follow up appointment with my GP. She removed a mole a week ago and she will give me the results of the toxicology tomorrow. I assume I am fine because I genuinely have no other signs of anything like cancer. It’ll be no big deal.

Tomorrow we will drive back to Portland. We will find out if Dad wants to see us this weekend or not. He ignored my last email. I don’t blame him. He thought we would be spending the whole summer with him and… yeah no. For lots of good reasons. It’s ok if he feels rejected or upset. But I am not going to change my behavior.

We have 9 days till we get on a plane for Bangkok. We will hopefully spend 8 days in Bangkok. Then we will go home.

Fremont is not home anymore. It’s kind of interesting how being here for a week solidifies that for me in my heart. This is not my home. It’s brown. It’s dry. I heard on the radio that California is 40/50 among the states for being friendly. That was slightly worse than I expected after driving all over the country… but not much? I think Alaska is one of the friendliest states. Alaska really is amazing.

I am moving somewhere where I don’t have to feel like my presence is a colonization. I have spent my entire life being aware that I am the descendant of colonizers and that’s a problem. Well, maybe not my entire life but certainly a very high percentage of it.

What will it be like to be white in a place where that doesn’t make me evil? Frankly it’s fucking awesome.

Not long ago a Black woman I am blessed to learn with said she only travels to places where people want to see a face like hers. I understand why she said that. I am not saying that all of Scotland wants me. But… I get why she said that.