That’s a phrase bandied about in full-term breastfeeding circles. Full-term meaning at least until two years old. Two years is the minimum recommended time for nursing as stated by the WHO. Ok, so I’m not exactly one to follow all the guidelines as set down by the WHO so why do I pay attention to this one? If you look at biological studies comparing brain size/development humans should nurse for 2-7 years if compared to our nearest primate relatives. That’s a long time. Milk is necessary for the development of most mammals and no other mammal in nature weans in order to give the milk of another species.
At this point Shanna is physically developed enough to be able to digest milk from other species and I’m certainly not opposed to dairy (mmmm ice cream) but nursing is different. My milk not only is the absolute perfect blend of nutrients for my species, my milk is specifically calibrated for my child. That cannot be duplicated by a bottle of cow milk.
Why am I talking about this? Because when you are pregnant most women lose their milk. There are some women (I’ve seen this as 30%) who maintain supply all the way through a pregnancy. It is also possible to dry nurse through a pregnancy and then move on to tandem nursing. The reason behind dry nursing is that nursing is not just about physical/dietary needs, it also fulfills important bonding/psychological needs. I already have a hard time with unnecessary nipple stimulation. It will be much worse when I am pregnant. I’m nervous about dry nursing. I’m also worried about Shanna losing out on having milk solidly until she is two. That is the biological minimum humans should have. I’m not sure I’m willing to compromise on giving her the minimum.
But that means spacing our kids out more than I really wanted to. That means probably waiting at least another seven months. I have mixed feelings about that. The Meniere’s has been progressing quite a bit just lately and that makes me nervous. It looks like we definitely won’t be trying for three kids so spacing out Shanna and Little TBD is less of a problem than it otherwise could be. I’m not sure how I feel about spacing between kids in terms of potential future getting along/competitive stuff. All of that is guesswork anyway.
So yeah. It looks like the mature, responsible decision is to wait. It’s only seven months. The problem is that I don’t wanna.
FWIW, my experience is that kids spaced closer than two years have a *lot* more issues with sibling rivalry and the unhappiness pertaining thereto.
Les Dudes are 5-1/2 years apart. (Why? Mostly because it took me that long to get it up for another toddler. I love babies and I love adolescents/teenagers, but the toddler/preschool/early grade school years are not fun for me.) Psychologically, each of them actually resembles an only child more than they do an eldest/youngest. And they are inseparably close — one of the things I’m proudest of as a parent is that I raised two brothers who love each other as much as they do.
I know rightkindofme has compelling medical reasons for closer spacing, but all the examples I have seen of 5 year spacing seem both biologically, psychologically, theoreticallly, and actually, a really good thing. If I were to consider having another child, that would be the ideal spacing I would want. However, I’m not gonna. 🙂
having had a brother 2 years older, and a brother 2 years younger, my experience is that it’s more the guidance of the parents along with the personality of the children rather than the timing/spacing that determines sibling relationships.
my older bother and i (2 years), and older bother and younger (4 years), were locked in constant struggle. however, my young brother (2 years) and i have always been the best of friends and only grow closer with age.
i would’ve never had 2 kids without a 3rd – and then ended up with twins to moot the point.
besides, planning or no, your next baybee will arrive when it does (cause baybees are like that).
having a choice it great, but you’ll likely be overjoyed with any timing, doncha think?
The Pioneer Woman is in your camp: http://thepioneerwoman.com/blog/2009/08/gestating_lactating_aging_and_other_monday_morning_matters/
LOL!
I seem to remember something about breastfeeding reducing your fertility as a natural way of spacing children. Unfortunately, all the source tags are gone off that particular memory, leaving just the unannotated tidbit, but you might want to look into it.
Lactational Amenoreha or some spelling like that. I’m feeling lazy so I’m not going to look it up. 🙂
For the first six months of full time on demand breastfeeding you have a 1% chance of getting pregnant. In the second six months of full time on demand breastfeeding you have a 2% chance. It is mostly linked to how often your kid nurses at night.
In Western cultures kids are pushed into solid foods earlier and that means we regain fertility faster. Hunter gatherer societies tend to see natural four year cycles of infertility between children because your body is working really hard at feeding the kid you have.
So yeah. I know about this already. 🙂
yeah, I figured you already knew about it, but thanks for sharing the info!
this ended up being a big factor for us. we seriously considered a two year spacing, but it just didn’t feel right to start trying before river was about 21 months. that way I figured he’d probably be able to nurse ’til about two even if my milk dried up during the second trimester (which I think may be happening now, at least to some extent). so, we’ll have about a 2.5 year spacing, which I also like because it seems to combine the two most common theories I’ve heard (two years or less so they’ll be close, or at least three years, so the older one gets a full three years to bond with the parents first). of course, you could also look at it the opposite way, and guess that at 2.5 years you might not get either of those benefits 😛 but really, practically for us it came down to as close as possible while still trying to nurse for at least two years. I know kids with a larger spacing can get along great, but I’m also kind of hoping that a closish spacing will mean more possibility of shared interests and projects, which will really be convenient if the kids don’t end up in school eventually.
I do see some advantages to the really long spacing (five years or so) but personally I didn’t really feel up for the intense first five years of attachment parenting twice in a row.
Oops, that was a couple of tangents I guess. Sorry you’re having trouble waiting, and hope you figure out the spacing that feels right to you!
These are all tangents that I’m thinking about. 🙂 I already know that my kids will not be in school so I’m pretty conscious of the whole ‘being alone’ bit. I wouldn’t feel comfortable homeschooling an only child and to me, given my life experiences, it wouldn’t feel much different if I had five year spacing between kids.
I’ve also heard from the camp of people who point out that when you have larger spacings Younger Kid is often allowed less freedom to pursue his/her interests as they are dragged along to whatever Older Kid has established as the activity (martial arts, sports, art, whatever). That’s something that I consider as well. When the kids are closer in age you don’t have as much of getting settled into activity and then having to potentially change things up.
I also have thought pretty hard about how I would feel about having the ‘baby’ stage drag on and on. My mother had kids in diapers non-stop for almost fifteen years. That makes me want to slit my wrists. The spacings in my family are five years, three years, five years and I really hated all of it. Noah has only two years between him and his next sibling and that was miserable for him. So yeah. I think it’s just a crapshoot. 😀
If it helps at all, I’d never voluntarily have kids closer than 3 years apart. People make it work, but all the toddler/baby pairs I know have really clingy toddlers and parents going loopy trying to protect the baby from the older baby.
And while they’re close when they’re older, so are all the 5+ years apart people I know. And I’ve seen a few close sibling pairs that aren’t close at all because their parents assumed they’d be close and did nothing to foster that and instead just nagged at them about how they should be BFFs.
Just my 2 cents:
I conceived my daughter unintentionally when my son was 14 months old. It was tough when my milk dried up during pregnancy, but then my colostrum came in and DS went right back to breastfeeding. When DD was born, I tandem nursed them. 2 years later, there has never been any serious sibling rivalry, they play together all the time, and cuddle together at night.
I don’t think sibling rivalry or parenting problems have anything to do with spacing. I have seen it happen with children born close together and with children born several years apart. Either arrangement can be worked out peacefully and joyously.
– Alisa