This morning Shanna was having a hard time. She wanted to nurse. And nurse. And nurse. And nurse. Eventually I came to the conclusion she just wasn’t going to be done any hour soon and I had stuff to get done and places to go. So I pulled her off the boob and went about getting stuff done. She cried really hard and I had to struggle with my “bad mommy” feelings. After I finished doing what I needed to do I picked her up again and held her on my lap and rocked her and sang her a few songs. She continued crying for a while but it gradually tapered a bit. I told her that I understand that she’s very frustrated with me but sometimes she can’t spend the whole day on the boob. She finally calmed down and I grabbed the stuff to head out for errands and socializing. She then had a good day.
My lesson from this: it’s ok to hold her while she cries and not fix it. Even if I can fix it, maybe I won’t really be fixing what is going on in a permanent way. Sometimes there is no permanent fix. And life has to go on anyway.
Having this kind of relationship with my kids has been good for us. They come to me, and maybe sometimes they’re hoping Mom will be able to help fix something, but because I didn’t get stuck in the “I have to fix this” mode, they’ve gotten pretty good at finding their own fixes. Mostly, now, they’re just glad to be able to come to me, share whatever it is, and having me listen, maybe even holding them while they cry, and just loving them.
It took me a longer time to get to the point where I “got” this. I’m happy for you and Shanna that you’ve learned this early.