13 thoughts on “A discussion spur.”

  2. terpsichoros

    This is of course, mostly about sex – lots of men have an absolutely huge sense of entitlement, or at least have no need to show gratitude, for anything else. (I think that for this behavior outside the sexual sphere, the difference between men and women is much smaller.)

    Men who can come off as not being pathetically grateful for everything a woman gives them tend to be much more attractive to women, though there’s a point where that passes from being non-pathetic to feeling entitled, which is a turn-off. That point varies a lot depending on the woman.

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  3. karenbynight

    I have no context for this statement, and it seems unnecessarily inflammatory and sweeping.

    But I will say on the subject that my understanding of the sexes increased by leaps and bounds the day that a specific difference between them was pointed out to me: Thanks to vast cultural and physical differences between being a teenage boy and being a teenage girl, men develop their sexuality in a context where the failure mode is likely to be too little attention, while women develop their sexuality in a context where the failure mode is likely to be too much attention. In extremes, it’s the difference between neglect and harassment, but even the “norm” seems to be centered around different points for the sexes.

    You see this play out in adulthood by vastly different attitudes towards the idea that any attention is good attention. It’s easy to vilify one sex or another for this difference, but the truth is that either sex, if they want to play with MOTOS, is likely to be more successful if they work to incorporate the other sex’s more common viewpoint on “enough attention” into their flirting and relationship strategies.

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    1. Krissy Gibbs Post author

      “I have no context for this statement, and it seems unnecessarily inflammatory and sweeping.”

      Things that aren’t inflammatory and sweeping generally do not spark debate. 🙂

      I’m not weighing in on my opinion at this point because I’m curious how other people will take it.

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  4. mollena

    Whatever the demographic of men to whom this might apply….

    …..it dies not include any of my former partners.

    *cough*

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  6. i_am_dsh

    I agree with Terpsichoros that this is probably sexual.
    In my experience, men (at least those not in a comfortable long term relationship) tend to be grateful for sex. They may not come out an say it…

    I also agree with Karenbynight that women are not socialized to be grateful for sex – in fact, the socialization is to be suspicious of it, the gatekeepers of it… But women are socialized to be grateful for other things. If you were to count pleases & thank-yous in conversation, etc. I’m sure women would show that politeness and gratitude more often than men.

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  7. essaying

    Hm. Back when I was first teaching, I taught classes for novice dominant women and their partners. One of the exercises was for the partner to give the woman a foot rub, and for the woman to direct the partner in how she wanted to be rubbed. My two assistants and I were kept *very* busy during that exercise, running from woman to woman exhorting them to for god’s sake give directions and not to sit back and, well, be pathetically grateful for what they were getting.

    FWIW…

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