Oh yeah. This is why Tom didn’t know I cried so much. He slept through it. I like to go to bed at eight and wake up between three and four and cry. I have hours available to me before anyone interrupts, not as many hours as I used to and that is probably for the best.

Today I was crying thinking about Noah. I get mad at him for his group associations. He represents a lot of problematic interactions for me. He doesn’t embody them. Noah is the only person I’ve ever met who has been not only tolerant but enthusiastic about me. He really likes me. He was the first sexual partner I had who was thrilled about me having slept with a lot of people. He likes the things I have done. He likes the person I am.

Noah is the only person who is willing to beat me about the head with the fact that he likes me. He will let me wake him up over and over every night because I don’t sleep well and I wake up and I want to be near him. He doesn’t get mad even though the kids wake him up over and over. Noah doesn’t get mad at me because I wander off from most parties and cry for a while. He comes and holds me while I sob.