I’m having one of those “I don’t much like me” days and I am about to start doing something I really don’t want to do. So as I am heading in to this I would like to request that, if you feel motivated to do so–don’t worry about it if you don’t–please tell me something I have actually done that you respect and/or love me for. None of this nebulous, “You’re great!” stuff. I know people mean well… but really it always feels so non committal as to mean nothing.
Thank you for listening. 🙂
I rememeber when I first met you online, on frenzi. You were in a relationship that was dying, and you had made your (sometimes despairing) peace with that.
And I watched your finish your degree and get your teaching credentials, and now you’re *working* as a *teacher*.
That’s huge. You had a long-term goal, and you achieved it, and now you’re a self-supporting adult doing something you like. I am so impressed with that.
You stand up to your scars with a vengenece, your strength and dedication is always phenomenal to me. At such a young age, you set REAL goals and make REAL plans, and you get what you want… and on top of all of that, you hunt mia kids down, coach relationship skills in teenagers, call people on their shit and give honest feedback….
and tell me that you love me, and even though I wouldn’t accept it very gracefully from very many people, you do it in a way I can’t argue with, and it helps.
This.
I admire the patience and dedication you have to your kids, your talent in communicating with them, and it seems like almost every time you talk about something that happened at school I say “I wish I’d had more teachers like her.”
It actually makes me feel kind of inadequate when I consider teaching, because I think I could not possibly be as good at it, but that’s my own shit.
I am so out of it…
I had a rough morning and misread this…hence the earlier comment now deleted that made no sense…
Things that I have in me about you: Your forgiveness of my horrible behaviour while giving you a massage…the 50 dollars you sent to me in the mail for the blanket…when you didn’t have to. The great poetry that you shared with me. Allowing me into your home. The hug you gave me when we met for coffee for the first time.
Even though we don’t see one another nearly often enough, you’ve made me feel welcome with your kindness. When I was so very sick at Gaskell’s two years ago, you spent time you could have been dancing with pretty boys keeping me company and making certain that I stayed hydrated. You care about others, even virtual strangers.
There are more instances, but those are best discussed over tea.
Your tattoo. That is a massive piece to start with (hell, it’s a massive piece at any time!) and it’s some heavy stuff. I seriously admire you for looking at your life with enough clarity and honesty to be able to say “I need to do this. I can do this.” and then doing it.
Wow.
My inner dance snob says you dance really well. Even after not dancing for a while, you still dance well.
Your “therapy homework” entry from today. Putting that out here was/is pretty damn amazing, courageous and admirable. So there!
However, what makes you so impressive is that you don’t take that stuff and use it to excuse anything about you or play “the victim”. And that’s rare.
You teach. And not just in the “stand in the front of the classroom and occupy space” sense, but I get the impression that your students actually *learn*. Perhaps you’re too deep within the school system to realize how much that rocks. But it does.
I also admire your, well, outness – as much as you can recently. There are sides of you that you refuse to hide, even if you’re having trouble processing all of it.
“If I knew myself, I’d run away.” – Goethe. But you’re not running (walking a bit, but slowly enough so that you can be reminded to come back). You’re working on improving yourself in ways that most people never have the courage to do, and have been for a while.
I also admire and respect your sometimes brutal honesty. I know that if I want your opinion about something, I’m going to get your honest opinion. I’m sure this has caused you problems over the years, but fuck that. Honesty is worthwhile.
I love you for your bright inquiring mind, that keeps pushing for more … more …
I love that you have gone into teaching because you care so much. For others, it was just something they chose, but for you it is a calling.
I love that you are a champion of the truth and the right and the good.
I love that you have a HUGE heartful of love to give others.
And, since you asked for a very concrete example … I love and appreciate you for the time you spent with me one night, nearly five years ago now, listening to my confusion and pain over the conflicting emotions I was feeling about my sexuality and my spirituality. You shared some of your own feelings that night, but mostly, you listened and really heard my pain. And you reached in, and helped me see that there was no reason for me to keep struggling with sexuality vs. spirituality. I mark that very night as the moment I started accepting, and loving, my whole self — without shame. Thank you for that.
you’re not your mom.
ha!
listen, pal o’ mine, whatever the hell the scene was you did the other day you gotta look twiced at next time. obviously a mind-fuck of major proportions.
i help stay happy by not visiting the rooms that rip the living guts outta me. i don’t care what no damned experts say. something’s are simply better left alone and i’m happy to die without resolving some problems.
oh
– you’re honest.
– and you love it when geezers give you advice.
– and you’re always looking for where the line is, too.
and that’s all the hell you’re getting from me!
You may want to screen this…
But you are great, wonderful, incredible, beutiful, sexy (uber sexy), vivacious, intelligent, sexy (oop’s I said that), well you get the point. As for specifics…hmmm…let’s see….ahh!! I have it! We are sitting in a class, discussing the scene politic, and you say “I am personally responsible for more than half of the guy’s in the scene in San Francisco using protection for sex, because I told them if you won’t use protection you can’t F___ me!” The truly wonderful part of this is no one I have yet met who knows you disputes this. Your Kool!!!
well, I don’t know about great deeds or anything, since I’ve only spent an afternoon with you, but I thought that you were a very intelligent, and very motivated person, and that it would be nice to get to know you better.
I am sorry that you are going through such a hard time right now. I thought you were pretty great.
This is a little thing, but I was thinking how good your new username is. Your old username was also neat, of course, but I think the new one really says a lot about you, and I respect you for choosing to change it because I think that how we label ourselves can actually affect who we are. It’s like a little affirmation of yourself every time you use it. (And that’s the most floofy thing I’ve said in ages. Heh.)
I have mad respect for the fact that you are a teacher, and a damn good one who motivates her students to achieve and gets them to come to class, and doesn’t judge them based on preconceived ideas.
You have more self discipline than almost anyone I know. For years now I have watched you drive yourself forward towards your goal of teaching and getting your degree. I have seen you abstain from event after event and gathering after gathering because you have the self control to do so. You have an integrity that I actually reference as a benchmark when people ask me what integrity means.
Honesty. You are always brutally honest with me. I can count on you to tell me the truth without fail. I know you won’t pull punches or sugar-coat it either. And frankly, whether I am happy with you or not, I have always appreciated it. Sometimes I need to hear that I have fucked up. And I need to hear when I need to do something. I don’t need to hear what people think I want to hear. I need to hear the truth. Even if it makes me angry, or I don’t agree with your truth. I need to know I will get the whole unadulterated truth.
I respect you more than pretty much anyone I know. I may not always agree or even want to see you for a while so that I can cool off, but there has never been a moment where I have not trusted you, respected you, and admired you for the amazing person you are.
this is an easy one.
I am very impressed by some of the assignments you produce for your students. I especially like the one that went with the “Great Gatsby.” I wish I had had an English teacher like you when I was in school.
When you’re not sure about how to feel about yourself, call. Self-esteem reassurance is part of the “slave-star” service.
I can’t tell you how much I appreciated you coming over when I was so distraught last year. You comforted me and took care of me and gave me your honest opinions about why I was so unhappy. That’s what family means to me.
Thank you.
Re: You may want to screen this…
I deeply applogize. I do remember this now that you correct me. I did not mean to slander (as the way I worded it sounds) I guess I was simply overeager to express kudo’s to you, and didn’t think through to get my facts straight. Again sorry. But you still Rock!!
I just came across your recent posts, so I’m a bit late.
You’re always honest, and you don’t talk down to people; tt’s very refreshing.
My comment, it has disappeared. But I got yours. I’m usually good for visiting afternoon, evening and night. It’ll work out. X
put your money where your mouth was
1) We had quite a few rounds over body type and inclusion / exclusion in the leather community. I said to you once, if you have an idea of what you’d want a class to be like and who you’d want to demo, put your money where your mouth is and teach that class. You & your partner at the time did just that. I respect you for doing more than whining… you made your vision a reality.
2) You are damned opinionated but are willing to listen. I thought we’d never be friends because it appeared that “skinny chicks” were your mortal enemy 🙂 (back to the body type discussions)… You never shut me out and we continued to discuss the issue over time (several years, I think). And through that point of contention, we became friends. We both changed. And I think we both grew from that. And I found a friend where I thought I’d found a pin-in-the-ass. A nice surprise. So much so that I’m still checking in from 3000 miles away and about two decades apart.
Re: put your money where your mouth was
The funny thing is: I don’t actually think of you as “skinny”. You have a very healthy body that you have primarily as a result of years of exercising a lot. I have complete and total respect (mixed with envy) for your figure. 🙂 Also, for the record, I have friends who are *significantly* skinner than you. 😉
Thank you for taking the time to find out that even though I am a pain there is some good to be found in me. I’ve always had a tremendous amount of respect for you and I just generally like you.