He tells Virgos:
It’s the perfect time to kill off old habits that drag you down and to sever bad connections that bring out the worst in you. Therefore, I suggest you make an undercover search-and-destroy visit to the murkiest parts of the underworld. When you get back, invite skeletons to come out of the closet and monsters to crawl out from beneath the bed for a nice long heart-to-heart talk full of tough love. And in general, don’t you dare avert your gaze from any song and dance that might half-scare you and half-inspire you into triumphing over evil. P.S. In every decay there’ll be beauty; in every loss there’ll be a glimmer of future joy.
Given that today I started off being all angsty and insecure and stupid this horoscope is way too timely.
I was asked what I get from my insecurity and how it has kept me safe. It was an interesting thing to think about. As the day has gone on and I have thought about that a few times and each time it really swims to the top of my brain and I think about the very specific things I have gotten from my insecurity I become more ok with the fact that it’s not a terrible thing for me to feel some insecurity in general.
I would like to ask: how do you (every single individual one of you) handle feeling like you are “Not the best”?
I would like to ask: how do you (every single individual one of you) handle feeling like you are “Not the best”?
Um. Pretty much, I try to say “No duh.” and then move on. I’m not The Best. Almost nobody is. In a world of billions, one person is The Best. And good for them. My goal is not The Best. My goal is As Good As I Can.
Sometimes I even believe that.
*nod*
Do you want to be the best at any one thing?
Do I want to? Definitely.
But I don’t imagine it’s worth the amount of time energy and dedication that it would require me to pour into it. Being the best at one specific thing (assuming I have the talent to put the effort and skill into) means that a lot of other parts of my life fall into disrepair and neglect. My life is going to be too short to spend that much of it on a single limited aspect of it.
Do I want to? Definitely.
But I don’t imagine it’s worth the amount of time energy and dedication that it would require me to pour into it. Being the best at one specific thing (assuming I have the talent to put the effort and skill into) means that a lot of other parts of my life fall into disrepair and neglect. My life is going to be too short to spend that much of it on a single limited aspect of it.
*nod*
Do you want to be the best at any one thing?
I would like to ask: how do you (every single individual one of you) handle feeling like you are “Not the best”?
Um. Pretty much, I try to say “No duh.” and then move on. I’m not The Best. Almost nobody is. In a world of billions, one person is The Best. And good for them. My goal is not The Best. My goal is As Good As I Can.
Sometimes I even believe that.
Wow. That’s an intense question the what one gets from insecurity.
I’ll have to think on it.
I’ve got me Moon and Pluto in Virgo actually.
Okey, how do I handle feeling like I’m not the best? Um…
Hrm.
I pretty much always feel that way. Some days it’s worse than others of course. I do have a pretty large helping of self doubt that follows me around. I think mostly, I try to just give kind self talk, when it gets bad. And mostly I ignore it. If I can, as I can. I have to move on, I can’t just get frozen in fear. That’s no fun anyway.
When I was a child I was exceptionally shy. I remember when I got to about 12 conciously deciding to just fuck it.
I had people at school who regularly treated me like shit because I was shy and for other stupid reasons like I didn’t have fancy clothes ect.
I thought, that these people treated me like they hated me anyway, why cring when they talk to me and curl up in my hole? I am what I am and they probably will never like me so fuck it and fuck them, I won’t try to be “nice” for them or hide myself cause they’re such assholes.
So I kinda forced myself outta being so shy. And the shy thing had a lot to do with allowing others to tell me I am less than. Or even allowing myself to feel bad about being “less than”.
Mostly though I deal with it with a lot of self talk.
Sometimes when I see something or someone who has an ability or thing I want for myself I feel like a fuck up, like I can’t reach that place that they have. I’ve tried to turn that around and use those people as inspirations. I find that if I envy something that’s an indication of my own desire to become something. So I choose to let it inspire me and teach me about what I want.
Sometimes what I want to become seems so far away that it’s rather painful to want it. But the alternative is far worse. If I don’t reach for and create what I want I’m likely to become sad and bored and depressed and hate myself and my life. So I must have a relationship with that that inpires me.
Honestly I’m rather grateful for any inspiration. If I didn’t have it this world would look rather grey. I probably wouldn’t see the point without it.
So, self doubt and feeling less than and not the best is all kinda dealt with attempting to be kind with myself and pretty much just getting back on the horse.
~~~
Off topic. I like you pretty.
It’s nice being able to talk to you.
Wow. That’s an intense question the what one gets from insecurity.
I’ll have to think on it.
I’ve got me Moon and Pluto in Virgo actually.
Okey, how do I handle feeling like I’m not the best? Um…
Hrm.
I pretty much always feel that way. Some days it’s worse than others of course. I do have a pretty large helping of self doubt that follows me around. I think mostly, I try to just give kind self talk, when it gets bad. And mostly I ignore it. If I can, as I can. I have to move on, I can’t just get frozen in fear. That’s no fun anyway.
When I was a child I was exceptionally shy. I remember when I got to about 12 conciously deciding to just fuck it.
I had people at school who regularly treated me like shit because I was shy and for other stupid reasons like I didn’t have fancy clothes ect.
I thought, that these people treated me like they hated me anyway, why cring when they talk to me and curl up in my hole? I am what I am and they probably will never like me so fuck it and fuck them, I won’t try to be “nice” for them or hide myself cause they’re such assholes.
So I kinda forced myself outta being so shy. And the shy thing had a lot to do with allowing others to tell me I am less than. Or even allowing myself to feel bad about being “less than”.
Mostly though I deal with it with a lot of self talk.
Sometimes when I see something or someone who has an ability or thing I want for myself I feel like a fuck up, like I can’t reach that place that they have. I’ve tried to turn that around and use those people as inspirations. I find that if I envy something that’s an indication of my own desire to become something. So I choose to let it inspire me and teach me about what I want.
Sometimes what I want to become seems so far away that it’s rather painful to want it. But the alternative is far worse. If I don’t reach for and create what I want I’m likely to become sad and bored and depressed and hate myself and my life. So I must have a relationship with that that inpires me.
Honestly I’m rather grateful for any inspiration. If I didn’t have it this world would look rather grey. I probably wouldn’t see the point without it.
So, self doubt and feeling less than and not the best is all kinda dealt with attempting to be kind with myself and pretty much just getting back on the horse.
~~~
Off topic. I like you pretty.
It’s nice being able to talk to you.
I narrow the question down to “the best me”. In a way, your username says it all to me — am I being the right kind of me, right now, to achieve being the best possible me?
Am I the best dancer in the world? No. Will I ever be? No. I have not made that a priority in my life, and it will not happen. Will I be the best dancer I can be? I think I may have been that already, but I might better that achievement, if I make it a priority and put the energy and time into it that such a priority would require. And I still might not achieve that — there are things out of my control that affect the results (physical health, limitations on free time, etc.). I try very hard to accept that.
I think I’m getting off track here. But I think part of what I’m trying to get to is, since I *know* I can’t possibly be the best at everything I am, I concentrate most on the things that matter to me, on my priorities. So I guess there are three distinct pieces to it — accepting my limitations and lack of total control, determining what matters to me most, and focusing my efforts on that. If I can be the best me that I can be, now, with the tools I’ve been given and the baggage I’ve acquired, I call it a good day. Good enough, anyway.
I narrow the question down to “the best me”. In a way, your username says it all to me — am I being the right kind of me, right now, to achieve being the best possible me?
Am I the best dancer in the world? No. Will I ever be? No. I have not made that a priority in my life, and it will not happen. Will I be the best dancer I can be? I think I may have been that already, but I might better that achievement, if I make it a priority and put the energy and time into it that such a priority would require. And I still might not achieve that — there are things out of my control that affect the results (physical health, limitations on free time, etc.). I try very hard to accept that.
I think I’m getting off track here. But I think part of what I’m trying to get to is, since I *know* I can’t possibly be the best at everything I am, I concentrate most on the things that matter to me, on my priorities. So I guess there are three distinct pieces to it — accepting my limitations and lack of total control, determining what matters to me most, and focusing my efforts on that. If I can be the best me that I can be, now, with the tools I’ve been given and the baggage I’ve acquired, I call it a good day. Good enough, anyway.
Also, if we’re talking about the specific “best” I’ve seen you mention in a couple of places, then I have other things to say, offline.
Also, if we’re talking about the specific “best” I’ve seen you mention in a couple of places, then I have other things to say, offline.
It depends how much I care about what I’m “not the best” at, and whether I’m “not the best” or “not very good”. Also on whether I’m good enough to get what I want.
So one answer is that I divide it up like that. I’m okay with it if I get what I want. Or if I’m good, but not literally the best.
Sometimes there’s a place where I’m not good enough, not all that good, not getting what I want. Then the questions become, “what am I doing to fix that? How long should it take? Am I on track to make that happen?”
It depends how much I care about what I’m “not the best” at, and whether I’m “not the best” or “not very good”. Also on whether I’m good enough to get what I want.
So one answer is that I divide it up like that. I’m okay with it if I get what I want. Or if I’m good, but not literally the best.
Sometimes there’s a place where I’m not good enough, not all that good, not getting what I want. Then the questions become, “what am I doing to fix that? How long should it take? Am I on track to make that happen?”
Honestly, not well. I don’t feel insecure about it though. I feel challenged. Why aren’t I the best? How does one become the best? Is that something I want to take on? If yes, I get to it and become as good as I can be. Usually I become the best, but not always. And that rankles me. I try harder. If I am still not the best, I give up and just live with being damned good at it. Not that I am happy about, just that I learn to live with it. I am the best at a number of things, so I take solace in them. I know that probably doesn’t help you much, but that’s how I deal with not being the best.
Honestly, not well. I don’t feel insecure about it though. I feel challenged. Why aren’t I the best? How does one become the best? Is that something I want to take on? If yes, I get to it and become as good as I can be. Usually I become the best, but not always. And that rankles me. I try harder. If I am still not the best, I give up and just live with being damned good at it. Not that I am happy about, just that I learn to live with it. I am the best at a number of things, so I take solace in them. I know that probably doesn’t help you much, but that’s how I deal with not being the best.
It’s the days I feel like I *am* the best that worry me. I’m not, at anything, and feeling like I am is delusional in some really alarming ways.
There are a bunch of things I’m very damn good at, and a bunch more at which I suck, which is about the way it should be, what with being human and all.
It’s the days I feel like I *am* the best that worry me. I’m not, at anything, and feeling like I am is delusional in some really alarming ways.
There are a bunch of things I’m very damn good at, and a bunch more at which I suck, which is about the way it should be, what with being human and all.
Two ways…
1: I tend to work from compensation on average…so constantly trying for “good enough” (which I overshoot sometimes, and sometimes don’t quite ring the bell).
2: I get distracted. By something else…anything else…there is alot of stuff that just needs doing…which keeps me from thinking about how not the best I am at things. Doesn’t matter that I’m not the best cook, we still need to eat.
When I’m feeling all enlightened and evolved, I see “best” as a reference to “this now is not how I expect/want it to be…”, which is a projection of past attachments. Letting go of those attachments, when I’m able to, even briefly, gives me some relief.
Two ways…
1: I tend to work from compensation on average…so constantly trying for “good enough” (which I overshoot sometimes, and sometimes don’t quite ring the bell).
2: I get distracted. By something else…anything else…there is alot of stuff that just needs doing…which keeps me from thinking about how not the best I am at things. Doesn’t matter that I’m not the best cook, we still need to eat.
When I’m feeling all enlightened and evolved, I see “best” as a reference to “this now is not how I expect/want it to be…”, which is a projection of past attachments. Letting go of those attachments, when I’m able to, even briefly, gives me some relief.
I haven’t ever felt like I was “the best”. That I can remember, anyway.
but “not good enough?” Yeah.
I go try and do something useful.
or I get something to eat or water to drink
or I go move my body
or sometimes I masturbate
or run around on the internet (current addiction: Order of the Stick) YMMV if you didn’t game much…
or I pounce a boy
or clean something
or organize something
or chuck out something broken…
I haven’t ever felt like I was “the best”. That I can remember, anyway.
but “not good enough?” Yeah.
I go try and do something useful.
or I get something to eat or water to drink
or I go move my body
or sometimes I masturbate
or run around on the internet (current addiction: Order of the Stick) YMMV if you didn’t game much…
or I pounce a boy
or clean something
or organize something
or chuck out something broken…
How do I handle feeling like I am “not the best”?
In most situations, that’s not the feeling that gets me. My insecurities come out more by feeling “not good enough” – which triggers perfectionistic tendencies, bordering on an OCD type response. And I’m tough on myself about things because of it. Always needing to do better – to be more. But it’s not that I’m really trying to be the best, because head and heart both get the fact that I’m not ever likely to be “the best” at anything. Damned good, yes. The best, no. And that’s okay.
It’s in the moments where I am compared to a specific someone else that my demons rear their ugly heads. Like, I know my partner has had some amazing people in his life, prior to me. I’m okay with knowing that, on a meta level, but I don’t want to hear about it on a specific level. Because that plays into that “not good enough” thing that gnaws at my gut, if I let it.
So, I have this copy of “Desiderata” that I keep on my desk, when I’m working, or by my bed where I can see it first thing in the morning and last thing at night, if I’m not. Somewhere where it can be a reminder to me. There are two sections of the poem that I will read to myself, over and over, when the demons are clawing at me:
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
and
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
As cheesy as it may seem, those words help me get through the ugly moments.
How do I handle feeling like I am “not the best”?
In most situations, that’s not the feeling that gets me. My insecurities come out more by feeling “not good enough” – which triggers perfectionistic tendencies, bordering on an OCD type response. And I’m tough on myself about things because of it. Always needing to do better – to be more. But it’s not that I’m really trying to be the best, because head and heart both get the fact that I’m not ever likely to be “the best” at anything. Damned good, yes. The best, no. And that’s okay.
It’s in the moments where I am compared to a specific someone else that my demons rear their ugly heads. Like, I know my partner has had some amazing people in his life, prior to me. I’m okay with knowing that, on a meta level, but I don’t want to hear about it on a specific level. Because that plays into that “not good enough” thing that gnaws at my gut, if I let it.
So, I have this copy of “Desiderata” that I keep on my desk, when I’m working, or by my bed where I can see it first thing in the morning and last thing at night, if I’m not. Somewhere where it can be a reminder to me. There are two sections of the poem that I will read to myself, over and over, when the demons are clawing at me:
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
and
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
As cheesy as it may seem, those words help me get through the ugly moments.