So we are going back east to see Puppy’s family. I’m terrified. My background of crappiness with Tom’s family and Stephen’s family mean that I am petrified of meeting yet more people who hate me and will make my life a living hell.
Yeah, and there is constantly a problem with Puppy having to balance his time between his parents. I’m nervous about dealing with the balancing act between them. I’ve never been great about divided loyalty crap, when people tell me to choose I choose neither. But there is already some friction between his parents about who we are spending which day with and I feel somewhat bewildered by the hostility. We are going to spend a freakin week camping with his father and his dad is being snippy because we are coming in a day early so we can spend two days with Puppy’s mom?! I don’t get it. Puppy spent most of his time growing up with his mom and yet basically all of his stories are about his father’s family. I asked him about that–he said that his father’s family is the one that traumatized him and what can you really say about happy day to day life? He was trying to be funny…. but there is an undercurrent there that worries me.
He told me that there is a 90% likelihood that his aunt or his grandfather will make a nasty crack about my weight. Since forewarned is forearmed I am already thinking about exactly what kind of response I want to give. I told him that I will not be nice and he said that is fine. It makes me really nervous to know it is coming though. *sigh*
Speaking of families… my mom has sworn up and down that next week she will be giving me back the money she owes me (her inheritence check should be arriving). I’m not sure how much I believe her, but we’ll see… It would be nice. I would be able to pay the deposit for the kitty and pay for the plane ticket for the trip east. Yay. I am not quite as nervous about money as I once was. It’s a good feeling.
As someone who generally does fairly well with the inlaws, want pointers? I’ve only ever had one boyfriend whose folks didn’t at least grudgingly approve of me — so far at least. Part of it is remember your on stage. This is a job interview.
It seems like a really rough upcoming visit with a dysfunctional family. Woo boy!
My grandmother used to advise me only to date orphans. I understand why, though I think that would narrow my dating pool far too much.
Girl, take the high ground. Sounds like insecurity and bitterness run rampant in his family and you don’t need to get involved in that. If someone makes a comment about your weight, let it roll off. I don’t know why but it’s something that grandparents concern themselves with a lot, but that doesn’t mean you need to make it your concern (or your fight). When my grandmother was alive and I was in high school, she was worried about how fat I was. When I went to college, she was worried about how skinny I was. I was neither fat nor skinny, it’s just a grandma’s concern. I think it’s their indicator of happy & healthy, and their way of showing that they love us.
His dad is obviously still bitter about his ex-wife and he’s probably afraid his son loves his mom more than him. That’s okay. Don’t make it your issue.
Here’s a good tip: listen for their commitments.
His dad is committed to a great relationship with his son.
His mom is committed to a great relationship with her son.
His aunt and grandfather are committed that whoever he picks is healthy and happy.
If you think about it that way, it’s easier to laugh the rest off.
Your weight?!? unless you’ve gained 50+ pounds since I saw you last you’ve got nothing to worry about.
Remember that people pick on others for what they are insecure about themselves.
Funny story about grandmothers and weight… J’s grandmother used to scold him and his brother for eating too much when they were in their early teens. Kids at that age, growing that fast, really can’t consume too many calories. She always ate like a bird at family meals. The kicker? She’s 5′ 3″ 300+ lbs and so fat she can’t walk anymore.
So, yeah… take it as a reflection on their own insecurities, having nothing to do with reality.
Since forewarned is forearmed I am already thinking about exactly what kind of response I want to give.
Why is it your problem? It’s his family. He’s the one who should be telling them to go do deep knee bends over a shark tank.
I agree – he shouldn’t be expecting *you* to be prepared, he should be preparing to tell them to well…..go do deep knee bends over a shark tank! He really needs to man up and get some spine on this issue. It’s already been a point of conflict for you guys, and him standing by and letting it happen will only be making a bigger mess. Y’all need to be real clear that you’re healthy and beautiful and anyone who says otherwise needs to fuck off.