To all the lovely people who expressed concern last night I am sorry I was so exasperated in your direction. I think your support felt a little too intense given the actual severity of the news I received. It isn’t as if I am suicidal over this issue. My lasting health is not actually impacted. I am not in any danger and neither are any of my partners. So yeah.
But I do still feel a bit ickier. A lovely boy tried to give me a kiss goodbye and I turned my head away. I think I’m going to be keeping my mouth to myself for a little while. Puppy isn’t going to like it, but I need a little space for at least a few days.
Puppy has been really awesome. He has had a partner with HSV2 and studiously avoided contact with the “afflicted” area because he didn’t want to catch any bugs. He has really had very few partners and has been quite safe. In a fit of white knighthood he told me that he isn’t terribly worried that I have HSV1 and HPV because he loves me and is really ok with taking risks to be with me. He says: “You are a wonderful person who has a couple of mild chronic infections. Unfortunately they are communicable but if I had to list all the diseases I got from my brothers we’d be here all night and I still love those little rascals. I’ll love you even if I have to put up with a couple cold sores.” I thought this was a combination of really awesome and stupid. What if I had something worse? Would he charge in and say the same thing? It isn’t as if we are making life long commitments at this point… what about the health of his potential future partners? Shouldn’t he worry about them as much now as he has in the past? But then again, given the percentages of humans who have what I have… not a huge worry. I don’t have something “serious.” I have things that are no more dangerous to me than having strep throat or mono or appendicitis. Probably less dangerous at this point. The HPV was a bigger risk while it was active–but it has been dealt with and it is unlikely to ever be an issue again. So yeah.
I am simultaneously talking myself into thinking it isn’t a big deal and feeling bad about the situation. I am such a freak. So far I have had two people be nasty, two be very concerned and want more information, and two people who told me “I wouldn’t even tell anyone about this because it isn’t a big deal. Don’t worry about it.” Why are these things traveling in two’s? Everyone else has been awesome and supportive. Four people are unwilling to ever kiss me again. You know what… yeah. That’s like nothing. I think I will be more of a freak about new people. And I am going to avoid kissing at the Plough. I am so into disclosure that I’m not sure how I will handle this. No kissing unless I announce I have herpes? Great. Most people will probably shrug it off, but yeah. It sucks. It does actually bother me that a lot of people have said, “Oh, me too.” Hey! You could have said something! But I think I am weird about disclosure.
Why do you call him puppy?
Cause he is young and I can’t believe I am dating someone young.
Dude. I date old guys. What is this 25 year old crap?
Oh. And he will bark for me and it is the funniest fucking thing in the whole wide world.
I respect your desire for disclosure. I had actually misread your original post and thought you said HSV2 and I wasn’t freaked out by that either. I have had an ex with HSV2 and while it did alter our sex life in certain ways, it wasn’t the end of it. I certainly didn’t view her as gross or a freak. It meant we had sex with the lights on though…lol
Maybe I’m just a “dirty” boy as I am sometimes referred to by my lovely boxofchaos… 😉 but much worse stuff can happen.
Have a wonderful St. Patty’s Day!
I got some offers of support when I was diagnosed with HSV1 that really surprised me– I mean, is certainly the “How can I be there for you” sort of guy, but for me, it was a non-issue. I’ve mentioned it to people I am sexually involved with or pursuing sexual involvement with, but not to people that I kiss socially. It just doesn’t seem like people care.
I *suspect* that some of the negative reaction might be more about being sex negative than any actual epidemilogical concerns– that is, I suspect there are some people who are glad to see you being “punished” for being a slut, never mind that you didn’t actually contract this STI in a sexual setting.
I have herpes as well.
I remember when I found out. I felt dirty. I ended up going to counselling for it. It’s something you may want to consider – find a counsellor who is familiar with it and can help you understand how to keep yourself and your loved ones safe and healthy and help you deal with your own issues.
Good luck with it. and hugs.
Oh – I’m another one who’s really into “disclosure”.
You are more openly disclosing than a lot of folks. That’s not a bad thing, and if it’s abnormal, that is a shame and speaks more about people who don’t disclose, rather than those who do.
Perhaps if more people disclosed, disclosing would be easier and STIs would lose some of their social stigma. I’ve certainly been worse in the past in reacting to STIs. I have improved.