Anonymous.
Yeah. Anonymous like.
Post something. Post anything you want, a song, a story, a comment, a fantasy, a question, or a criticism. You don’t have to be nice to me. Though of course, I would prefer that you are… If you hurt my feelings I will try to not take it too personally cause you don’t have the nerve to actually say it to my face.
I really liked the last time I did this. I got some great masturbation fodder and I could use more of that. Being all monogamous like and only seeing my partner a few days a week is frustrating.
But you don’t have to say anything dirty. 🙂 Anything you like. Really. This is going to be public for a week or two. Have fun.
I’ve had lovely, intense, and lurid age play fantasies with you as my little girl.
Hmm, nice. Have to go masturbate myself now. In your name. 😉
masturbation material? do you think about anything but sex? why are you being monogamous anyway? doesn’t sound to me like you’re really into it. not that masturbation and monogamy is a problem, but if you are needing a crutch to survive it this soon it seems doomed. choosing monogamy isn’t a snap decision kind of thing. it takes YEARS. have you been thinking about it for years? maybe you have and have been quiet about it, but it sure seems to me like just a couple of months ago you were one of the most dedicated to poly people I know.
I think about a lot of things besides sex. 🙂 I tend to post about them less because they aren’t much fun for the “viewing audience” as it were. Would you really be interested in reading more about what I am doing with chain mail, or my homework, or my daily chores, or the interactions I have with my family? These things generally isn’t that exciting so I just don’t mention them.
Why am I being monogamous? Because I’m crazy. Because I had a chemical reaction to meeting Puppy that made me feel like, “Oh my god. This is something” in a way that I don’t feel with many people. I would be so cheesy as to say that I pretty much felt like I was falling in love with him before our first real date. So when I found out that giving a relationship with him a real chance meant monogamy, I decided that it was worth it.
Well, I have only been doing poly for about 15 months. Before that I was monogamous. I was with my former partner (this lets me know that you are a new reader–ha!) for 4 years. Our relationship was open for the last 9 months. Technically it was open for the first 4 months as well. So we were monogamous for 3 years. I was really happy with the monogamy… until his sex drive completely disappeared. I like having sex a lot. A whole lot more than many people. It wasn’t ok with me that we only had sex about once a month when I had to pretty much beg for it. So I asked to open the relationship. I will slam the hell out of myself here and say that I am not a very good poly person in that I really did get into “poly” for the sex and it was obviously the basis of most of my relationships/interactions. I tried really hard to treat my partners well and respectfully and I developed wonderful friendships with most of them, but yeah… I really was after the sex.
Why in the hell does monogamy take years to decide about? That is one of the most asinine comments I have ever heard. Give me a freakin break. Look around at our society buddy. In our culture–monogamy is expected, pretty much from day one, in general. I’m following the freakin culture norm again, not deviating from it how I often do. And the last 15 months have been pretty much my experience with poly. Sure, I went through a similar hussy phase almost 5 years ago, but yeah. It lasted 4 months and I wanted out of it pretty bad.
I know that there is the very real possibility I am doing something stupid. But I regret things I haven’t tried far more than I regret things that blow up in my face. I have a really powerful chemical reaction to this man, so I’m trying to see if it will pan out. If I saw him more times a week then I wouldn’t seem so frustrated about sex. But I think it is premature to see him that often. I get this frustrated if I go multiple days without sex often no matter what. Why should it be any more of a negative reflection on my now singular partner now than it was a negative reflection on my formerly many partners? I have a high sex drive. That is life. *shrug*
“Would you really be interested in reading more about what I am doing with chain mail, or my homework, or my daily chores, or the interactions I have with my family?”
Yes, if you would be inclined to share them, then I would appreciate seeing that view into you.
“Why am I being monogamous? Because I’m crazy. Because I had a chemical reaction to meeting Puppy that made me feel like, “Oh my god. This is something” in a way that I don’t feel with many people. I would be so cheesy as to say that I pretty much felt like I was falling in love with him before our first real date. So when I found out that giving a relationship with him a real chance meant monogamy, I decided that it was worth it.”
I appreciate your ability to allow yourself to go with your feelings even if it might blow up in your face. That to me is a very special quality.
I will seriously reflect on something I would want to know or share with you, but I appreciated this glimpse into your thoughts and I wanted to let you know.
Yeah, like riding the little bus special.
Interesting…that, in many ways, what you say is true, but I am assuming that you can and do control your behavior regardless of your emotions on a pretty regular basis. Allowing oneself to become overcome and swept away with one’s emotions on that rare occasion is indeed special in a rare and precious flower sort of way… 😉
can you tell me the whole story of how you acquired the boots in your icon? your inspiration for them, and who you went to? I’ve been so curious for the details.
I went to London knowing that I wanted to find some really awesome boots. I had a vague idea of what I was looking for, but I wasn’t sure where to find them.
I went through a bunch of manufacturers and didn’t find what I was looking for.
Eventually we stumbled into the shop of http://www.terrydehavilland.com/ thinking that we were going to a commercial store. Instead we went to a small industrial space where he sits and makes his shoes and boots. He and his partner were very cool about having us just randomly show up. We talked to them for quite a while about shoes and boots and current styles and things that have gone in and out of fashion. He is a really sweet guy and he has been making extreme shoes for almost three decades. It was awesome to speak with him about this stuff.
During this visit I decided almost spontaneously that I didn’t want to keep hunting for the perfect boots. I would have Terry custom make them. I had the budget for it (barely) and I knew that I would get exactly what I wanted. And I did. They are gorgeous and amazing and exactly what I had been dreaming of. They are worth every penny I spent on them. And that was a whole freak load.
sadly, I can’t get that link to actually show me SHOES. I think perhaps the site isn’t finshed…..ah…..shooooooooooooes…..
Where did you grow up? Did you graduate from high school, or leave early?
Missed that whole “anonymous” bit didn’t you. *giggle*
I grew up all over. I graduated after not really attending straight through. That is probably confusing.
I have had more than 40 address’ in my lifetime. I have attended 31 schools. I will alternatively refer to having grown up in LA or in the bay area. My family was mostly around So Cal until I was 11. Then we moved north and have been near Los Gatos most of the time since.
I went to five high schools. I attended LGHS for the first six weeks of my freshman year and for my sophmore year and it is the name on my diploma.
I attended Leigh High for two months during my freshman year then I went on independent study through Wilson. For the first semseter of my junior year I was at North High School in Bakersfield. I transfered to Ridgeview in the second semester and was there for three days. They were mainstreaming the special ed kids into the AP classes and lowered the classroom material so the SE kids could pass. I Don’t Fucking Think So. I did independent study the rest of the year. Then I came back north and went to West Valley College as part of an advance program through LGHS and did my units and graduated on time with the kids who remembered me from middle school.
Was that complicated enough for you?
Los Gatos, I remember was a beautiful area when I lived in Cuppertino.
Yep, I did, and so did other folks. So there, nyah.
Yep, it was. Me, I only went to 1 school, for 2 of the required 3 years, and didn’t graduate. But I did take the Get Out Of School Free test, so I was legal and all. Independent study never occurred to us; it would have been ideal for me.
How do you deal with being frustrated by not having your monogamous partner around? In what ways are you frustrated? Emotionally? Sexually? Spiritually?
Do you ever have online relationships?
What about BDSM draws you the most? Is it the sexual aspects of having “kinky sex”?
Describe your ideal partner or primary partner.
Thanks in advance.
I masturbate! 🙂 And think dirty thoughts. And occasionally I write interactive porn with friends online. (It is kinda like cyber, only somewhat less cheesy. Hey. Let my have my ideals, damnit.) I am physically/sexually frustrated because I like having sex at least once a day and I’m not getting that right now. Following on the heels of a couple of weeks of abstinence because we waiting to have sex together means that I have some pent up sexual energy. I am actually incredibly emotionally satisfied at this point. I feel really positive about his level of interest in me and mine in him. We talk to one another every day so I am feeling really delighted with the general attention I am getting and I feel like he really pays attention to me when he talks to me. I couldn’t be happier with the emotional aspects. 🙂 Spiritually… well, he is the most supportive partner of my spirituality I have had in a long time. Basically since I dated a Christian. He is remarkably tolerant of beliefs that he doesn’t share and he encourages me to follow through on the things that I want in a spiritual sense.
Define “relationships.” I met my beloved BlackSheep through blogging. She has become a close and wonderful friend in real life as well as our near constant mutual online stalking. Laurel is my very favoritest clue-by-four wielder and I don’t think I have ever met her in person. Many of my relationships exist as much or more in IM than they do IRL. I’m ok with that. But I don’t do formal bdsm relationships online if that is what you are asking.
Well, what draws me to bdsm is the fact that pain and submission get me off. You wanted something deeper than that, but… yeah. That’s the bare bones of it. I feel like being submissive is as much a part of me as liking books. It’s just there. It is just what feels right.
Good lord. You must not be on my friends list. I think I have done this. Because I am pretty freakin picky and specific there are a whole shit load of things. Some of the basics include: kinky (specifically a sadistic dominant who is into bondage, single tails, canes, electrical play,and clamps), strong enough to win a wrestling match with me without trying too hard, intelligent enough that I can feel awed, can fix things (like house stuff and car stuff–I don’t know why, but it is important to me), someone who is INCREDIBLY patient cause I can try the nerves of a freakin saint, someone with a silly sense of humor who is happy to play with me in a child-like manner (which is different than being childish), someone who wants to have sex A LOT, someone who has similar political views (I’m a Libertarian and pretty vehement about it), someone who wants to have children, someone who likes doing active things, someone who doesn’t watch much if any tv, ….. I know a lot of things about what is important to me and I should run off to the grocery store now. 🙂
Worshipping at the Altar of an Arbitrary God
I’m his cumslut–so the bracelet I wear brands me. I am his cock-worshipping whore. I’ve written a prayer to his cock, and he used to make me repeat it at night before kissing his cock, either in person, or a picture of it if need be. But cockworship and servitude, like all religions, requires sacrifice. A god who is sometimes unfathomable, but not wrong. And when I am submitting, his power is like that for me. I am a strong woman, so the power I have given him over me is powerful. I had much to surrender, and he is not afraid of taking it. A few weeks ago, he had me post here for suggestions on how I might be allowed to come more often, what devlish penalties I might be required to pay. And some of you came up with wonderfully wicked ideas, for which I thank you now. Because I must thank you, just as the penitant sinner thanks a flogger for cleansing her of the sin. The humiliation of having strangers give that kind of advice, is like a fire on your skin. It hurts, but it leaves you so pure and elated. Stripped more naked. To your core. In the end, he chose to take the control I gave him and subject me to capriciousness. A six sided die. When I want to come, I can roll it. A different torture or pleasure awaits me at each number–and one of those numbers means I won’t be able to come at all. That will be hard for me. That will be a struggle, to submit to it, not because of any specific want of his, but because he wants me to feel what it is to suffer for arbitrary reasons. Can I give him that? I will try. And if he will promise to make of me the whore I so desperately want to be, I think I will succeed.
Re: Worshipping at the Altar of an Arbitrary God
Oh that is fucking cool.
Hmmmm….
dirty thoughts. Yes. 🙂