No, honey, I’m sorry. You can try it, but in the long run, it won’t work. And you may find you’ll come to regret it.
I did something very close to that when I left … no, fled … Tennessee. I shipped a box or two out here to friends. I managed to get some things into storage, before leaving. Then, I packed two large carry-on bags and rode a Greyhound Bus for three days to get here.
Nearly everything else I owned was either destroyed or disposed of by my ex. At the time, I said I didn’t care. That being able to emerge safe and sane was enough. I was wrong. There was a part of the severing/healing process that was taken out of my control. I lost connections to my past that I can never recover.
It may feel like you don’t want to take any of the “stuff” with you at the moment, but later you may just find you’ll look back and wish that you had brought a thing or two with you.
It sounds bizarre to say it, but there are times when it will feel like it would have been easier if your partner had died. Wait, wait … hear me out.
When someone dies, you have permission to discard all the bad memories, and keep all the good stuff. When a relationship dies, but the person is still upright and walking around, you seem not to be able (at least initially) to be able to keep any of the good. Which is part of the reason it hurts so damn much to go through the “who owns what” part of this process. Those memories belong to both of you. Good, as well as bad.
Go through the sorting. It’s a part of what you need, whether it feels like it right now or not.
Can I just leave everything and run away and never decide?
Yes, but I don’t think it’s really your style. You’d kick yourself nine times over for doing it. I really think you are the take things by the horns and deal with it sort. You’ll make it work.
You can in fact do so. But I don’t especially recommend either one.
As a more practical recommendation, don’t try and decide between “his” and “mine”. Look at all the stuff that has to be decided on, and only go for the you know in your heart is truly yours. The stuff that grabs your passion; that you won’t give up.
Leave the marginal cases for later, and let him know what you’re doing.
This is not a time for shades of gray. This is a time for simple black and white decisions. If it’s not clearly *yours* and you don’t *need* to have it, leave it for later.
I think all those people are wrong. You can just not decide. Maybe you need to get the Devo album with “Freedom of Choice” on it. Its a really good album from the 80’s. Of course, since you are into country music it might not appeal, but really, its a good album. It also has “Whip It”, which was a good song, and also is maybe relevant to you as well.
Nope, but you can do the dividing without him around. Put what you think is yours into boxes and ask him to double-check them for you. Ask him to do the same, if he’s willing.
I agree with tsgeisel, above, who says take what you know in your heart is yours, what you’re passionate about…
I think that you and your sweetie will still be able to talk about things, and if there is a mistake, you can say, hey, there’s this thing I forgot, or hey, there’s this thing of yours I took by mistake…
all I can say is, it gets easier eventually as time passes.
*many hugs*
No, honey, I’m sorry. You can try it, but in the long run, it won’t work. And you may find you’ll come to regret it.
I did something very close to that when I left … no, fled … Tennessee. I shipped a box or two out here to friends. I managed to get some things into storage, before leaving. Then, I packed two large carry-on bags and rode a Greyhound Bus for three days to get here.
Nearly everything else I owned was either destroyed or disposed of by my ex. At the time, I said I didn’t care. That being able to emerge safe and sane was enough. I was wrong. There was a part of the severing/healing process that was taken out of my control. I lost connections to my past that I can never recover.
It may feel like you don’t want to take any of the “stuff” with you at the moment, but later you may just find you’ll look back and wish that you had brought a thing or two with you.
It sounds bizarre to say it, but there are times when it will feel like it would have been easier if your partner had died. Wait, wait … hear me out.
When someone dies, you have permission to discard all the bad memories, and keep all the good stuff. When a relationship dies, but the person is still upright and walking around, you seem not to be able (at least initially) to be able to keep any of the good. Which is part of the reason it hurts so damn much to go through the “who owns what” part of this process. Those memories belong to both of you. Good, as well as bad.
Go through the sorting. It’s a part of what you need, whether it feels like it right now or not.
Can I just leave everything and run away and never decide?
Yes, but I don’t think it’s really your style. You’d kick yourself nine times over for doing it. I really think you are the take things by the horns and deal with it sort. You’ll make it work.
You can in fact do so. But I don’t especially recommend either one.
As a more practical recommendation, don’t try and decide between “his” and “mine”. Look at all the stuff that has to be decided on, and only go for the you know in your heart is truly yours. The stuff that grabs your passion; that you won’t give up.
Leave the marginal cases for later, and let him know what you’re doing.
This is not a time for shades of gray. This is a time for simple black and white decisions. If it’s not clearly *yours* and you don’t *need* to have it, leave it for later.
I think all those people are wrong. You can just not decide. Maybe you need to get the Devo album with “Freedom of Choice” on it. Its a really good album from the 80’s. Of course, since you are into country music it might not appeal, but really, its a good album. It also has “Whip It”, which was a good song, and also is maybe relevant to you as well.
Nope, but you can do the dividing without him around. Put what you think is yours into boxes and ask him to double-check them for you. Ask him to do the same, if he’s willing.
Honey, I’m sorry.
I agree with tsgeisel, above, who says take what you know in your heart is yours, what you’re passionate about…
I think that you and your sweetie will still be able to talk about things, and if there is a mistake, you can say, hey, there’s this thing I forgot, or hey, there’s this thing of yours I took by mistake…
all I can say is, it gets easier eventually as time passes.
*many hugs*