I had a very interesting conversation with a couple of friends yesterday about the concept of manipulating people and friendships and associations based on social perks. It was very odd. The book Les Liaisons Dangereuses came up more than once. It was very interesting to me to think about people consciously trying to manipulate their friendships. I started to wonder if I do it without noticing. I’m not sure I liked what I figured out. I’m not sure I choose my friendships based on what I can get from them. I do seem to gravitate towards people who know a lot of people though. I think I really like being someone who knows a lot of people and can arrange to get things done when I want them done. I’m not yet very good at implementing this, but it is something I have somewhat consciously worked towards. I do give myself a little bit of slack because I have years left to perfect this skill.
I don’t need to be the most popular person, goodness knows that with my mouth and lack of tact I never will be, but I sure like knowing the most popular people. Probably because the most popular people are popular because they are fun. A friend has told me recently that he thinks I know everyone, I don’t think it is true… yet. I’m working on it though. I know that within the little worlds I move in there is almost no one I can’t get an introduction to within 2 degrees. I like talking to people and I seem to do a better than average job of remembering people and details about them. I wish there was some way to turn “knowing people” into a career. I could do well.
It’s a politician
“I wish there was some way to turn “knowing people” into a career. I could do well.”
There is. They call the job “politician”.
Re: It’s a politician
*sigh*
That just doesn’t appeal to me.
Re: It’s a politician
Oh, and if this keeps up it is going to drive me batshit trying to figure out who you are.
sorry
Sorry. If it bothers you that much, I’ll not reply again.
Re: sorry
Alternatively, you could plan to introduce yourself at some point and fuck with my head until then.
Re: sorry
Your journal; your call. If there was a way to contact you complete off line, I’d be happy to identify myself. As far as I
know, we’ve never met; may not even live within 1,000 miles of each
other. At least, I don’t recognize the boots in your photo. 🙂
Re: sorry
I live in the bay area. If you hang out with dance people or if you go to DHP’s or you know the poly people or…. We will probably run into one another eventually. I don’t wear these often enough. They are understandably difficult to walk in. 🙂 Well, not difficult exactly–but impractical.
near miss
I’ve never been to a DHP. The other two groups see my shiny nose, on occasion. Which one of us will be going to the next several events with the rose in our teeth for identification purposes?
Re: near miss
*get out calendar*
I will be at Pryanksters on Wednesday.
Gaskell’s is Saturday!! I’m not sure about the rose business…
Do you know or or or ? I’m friends with all of them and they can point me out.
Re: near miss
I’ll try to remember to ask one of them for a formal introduction.
Yeah, she’d like that!
M.
You just know I wouldn’t mind you doing it. No taunting me. 😛
Hey, I meant it as a compliment! ;>
M.
I know, which is why I teased back. 🙂
I’m not sure I choose my friendships based on what I can get from them.
You may not be sure – but I know that I do. I choose the people that I make my friends over the other 6-billion people on this planet because I find them more suited to facilitating my fulfillment of my needs and wants. Those sometimes include intimacy, physical companionship, emotional support, good conversation, sharing my hobbies, learning, teaching, exploring, growing…
And sometimes included are introduction to other neat people, invitations to wild parties, rites of passage…
When choosing someone as a friend, they’re scoring than one-in-ten-million chance lottery ticket!!! Hell – even choosing just to share my attention with someone over the course of a party one evening puts them up in that better than one-in-a-million rare people that I choose to spend an evening with.
How do you choose to spend your one-in-a-million opportunities? Don’t you hope to get something back from that investment? Doesn’t seem all that disturbing a state to consider or even to embrace.
Hm. I guess I didn’t quite think about it from that perspective. It makes sense. 🙂 Thank you.
Manipulation
Monday morning things that make you go hmmm… how’d I miss this one?
Isn’t all communication manipulation on some level? You choose your words and signals to get to an intended result, whether you are aware of it or not. Some people are very strategic about this, does that make them “bad”, or perfectionist communicators?
Our personal lives are more well rounded and fulfilled when we circulate and build relationships with people who understand us…
Lots of professional environments depend on your ability to network… It’s not just for politicians anymore.
The world revolves around relationships and resources, and unless you’ve got an exclusive niche in the world, you’d better be prepared to work it.
I don’t feel bad for owning the word manipulation as a tool- don’t misunderstand, it is a tool that should be used transparently, and for the better good. If I am trying to develop a relationship with someone, (not as in intimate, you know what I mean) I tell them exactly that.