Not so good.

13 Replies

Symptoms:
* Agitation, restlessness, and irritability [check]
* Dramatic change in appetite, often with weight gain or loss [check]
* Extreme difficulty concentrating (or thinking) [check]
* Fatigue and lack of energy [check]
* Feelings of hopelessness and helplessness [check]
* Feelings of worthlessness, self-hate, and inappropriate guilt [check]
* Inactivity and withdrawal from usual activities, a loss of interest or pleasure in activities that were once enjoyed (such as sex) [check]
* Thoughts of death or suicide [I think getting that close to dying cured me of this one, but I do really want to cut.]
* Trouble sleeping or excessive sleeping [check]
* Feeling socially isolated, or unconnected [check]
* Lack of pleasure in all or most activities [check]
* Loss of energy experienced [check]
* Negative feelings toward the baby [luckily the worst of this is, “Just shut the fuck up already” when she doesn’t want to settle down]

I really wish I had a relationship with a doctor. I know intellectually that postpartum depression isn’t something to ignore or take lightly but right this minute finding a care provider is such an enormous hurdle that I don’t know what I am going to do. 🙁 I understand that postpartum depression is often/usually a bigger deal than even just standard depression–I’m not sure i understand why. Somehow I usually muddle through because I have it so strongly ingrained that it doesn’t matter how I *feel* there are still things I have to *do*.

13 thoughts on “Not so good.”

  3. jenny_sellinger

    can you hire a housekeeper to take care of incidentals while you snuggle and play with your kiddos? Or if too much kid time is the stress, to play with the kiddos while you do your other interests?

    ppd is worse because those feelings of anger at the baby can spiral into a guilt-anger-guilt loop.

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  5. satyrlovesong

    *smiles* Good to talk to you, if only for a moment. Call if you get a chance, but if not I’ll try to check back with you later in the weekend.

    Reply ↓
  6. danaoshee

    My doctor is inconvenient to your location, and I don’t even know if she’s in plan for you – but she’s been pretty awesome for both me and Almus and has been non-judgmental about everything.
    Just in case, she’s Stephanie Wong at camino medical group in mountain view. She’s frequently not taking new patients, technically, but telling her you’re referred by me has gotten people in and I can always message her for you. (several coworkers are now going to her – I recommend her when people have dr problems, and everyone seems to like her.)

    Also, good luck and *hugs*.

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  7. darthsunshine

    I’m sorry you’re in the clutches of depression. And I completely sympathize with the hurdle that finding a doctor can be. It sucks. Wishing you well from far away.

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  10. rbus

    i know the *last* thing you want is for somebody to say “back when I had post-partum depression I cured it by living for five weeks in the Utah High Plateaus naked in a toilet-paper tent pitched on top of a fire-ant hill eating nothing but organic pinecone soup made with distilled brown-bat piss and poured over sauteed mooseshit dumplings and stir-fried polliwogs with a lightning rod shoved up my ass so i could channel the universal, semi-electrical and totally knowing healing power of the universe thru my chakras while singing “The Yellow Rose of Texas” in the key of E-flat minor and rapidly moving my eyes in a north-south-east-west direction. And did I mention I was naked?”

    so…
    I’m not gonna say it.
    nope.
    not this time…

    I am gonna ask if you’ve considered the blood loss and subsequent anemia could be causing the depression?

    http://www.suite101.com/content/anemia-and-depression-after-childbirth-a203376

    Reply ↓

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