I just found out that a woman I know through the scene, Jill, died in November. I don’t know anything about how she passed. I haven’t talked to her in a while and I feel really bad. Long after we stopped seeing one another at social events we met and had dinner every so often. She was one of the people I touched base with and felt like she *saw* me. We never spent a lot of time together but I really valued our conversations. Now she is gone. And I haven’t talked to her recently enough to even know. I feel like such a completely horrible friend.
for certain Jill wouldn’t want you feeling horrible.
let it go.
Hey, I get to grieve. If nothing else just that she didn’t get to fulfill all of her dreams and that is very sad.
Grieving’s good.
Feeling like a horrible friend… not so much.
The hug still stands, though. Either way.
I found out about the death of a lover through a news letter weeks after he died in a bicycle accident. I was stunned. I saw him infrequently and our interaction was limited but he helped me through a difficult time in my life by illustrating quite clearly that I could trust again. He told me we would be forever friends. He was right.
He was the first person really close to me who died. I got on the phone and reached out to others that were important to me to let them know I was thinking about them and I cared. I patched up a broken friendship and I told him: “I don’t want to lose you without telling you how much I care.”
And I treasure that lesson today.