friends-only on lj isn’t *exactly* public…

I have been internally struggling with how much I want to write about the kids. Privacy and all. I've set my privacy bar at a very non-standard place. It's not transitive. So it's awkward.

I was watching a movie on Netflix about a beauty school in Afghanistan. It's kind of interesting. Then Calli woke up. I could hear her knocking softly on the door and saying, "Mama." When I got there and opened the door (carefully so I didn't hit her in the dark) the first thing she did was sign "milk". Yeah.

We settled in on the rocking chair. She nursed on both sides and then fell asleep on my chest. From start to finish of picking her up until I laid her back down in her bed was twenty five minutes. I saw the clock as I left and returned to the garage.

It felt like a lifetime. I think that a lot of my physical nursing discomfort with Calli has been anxiety around the pot. I feel bad that I smoke pot and nurse. I have done a lot of medical research and I have consulted with a number of medical professionals on this topic. It's not great but it's better than any of the other drugs I could be on, honestly. There is still this miasma of shame and guilt. It makes me tense. At this point I don't have a lot of milk left anyway. She's nearly two.

It is going to be hard to finish weaning. She's not ready. She only nurses once or twice a day but it is very important to her. If she doesn't get to nurse at those crucial times she feels really bad. She cries and cries. It breaks her heart. Nursing is a very complex experience on both sides. It still provides enormous health benefits to both of us. (My risks for various cancers and diabetes goes down by the year.) It is very good for both of us to do this.

And when I sit down and nurse her I focus on her in a way I don't the rest of the time. When I sit down and nurse and trace her face with my finger I see how much she has gotten from me.

Shanna feels like a mini-me in a variety of ways that bring me great joy. I feel like if I got to go down a list of traits that describe me and pick which ones to give to my kids Shanna got the things I would pick to give away. Shanna makes me very happy. Seeing her move around the world convinces me that there is good to come and I have to be here to see it.

Calli is a different experience. Calli is a lot like me, don't get me wrong, but if I had to pick the traits to pass on I probably wouldn't have selected quite the list Calli got. Calli is like a lot of the parts of me I struggle to accept. But this morning as I nursed her I found peace with that.

Instead of feeling bad I felt joy that she was there to remind me that even the parts of me I struggle with are good and worthy of emulation.For better or worse this tiny person sees me and sees someone good and wonderful. Someone she wants to be just like. So she picks things to pattern off of. If I don't like the patterns she is picking up, maybe I'd best watch my behavior-hey?

They are so different. Calli's birthday is next month. I asked her if she wanted to have a party for her birthday. She said yes, adamantly. I asked her if she wanted a big party or a little party. That took a little negotiation and explanation. Shanna campaigned hard for a huge party. She started listing off names of people to invite. Calli vetoed almost everyone.

Calli wants the woman who comes to our house every two weeks, her Godmamas whom she sees every month, and the family that has provided the most care taking for her since birth. She strongly vetoed every other name we could come up with.

Shanna invites every person she talks to on the bus and the train to her birthday party. It's hilarious. I'm starting to think I should reserve a spot at Lake Elizabeth and start letting her hand out business cards. If she wants that, she can have it. Calli doesn't want that.

Calli likes quiet small groups. She's overwhelmed by sound and too many people. She doesn't enjoy it. She likes having the few people she is comfortable around visit and that's it.

They mirror very different parts of me. I like it. I like watching them. I feel really good about the ways in which they are different. I feel like they embody the extreme ends of my personality. I feel like a constant peace keeper. "Shanna, don't pressure Calli to do things. If she says no you have to respect her wishes." They are both persistent. It's really wonderful.

I thought about all the things I love about Calli while I was nursing her. Including the fact that she continues to need me so intensely and viscerally. I thank anything that will listen for my children. To my children I am the most important and wonderful person in the world. They are probably going to be the only people I ever feel really comfortable around. They are the extent of my clan.

I haven't weaned Calli and I don't know when I will. It's one day at a time. Some day she will no longer need this from me. I hope I can continue to meet her needs for a while longer.

93 thoughts on “friends-only on lj isn’t *exactly* public…

  1. cerulean_me

    Elliot’s epilepsy became a blessing in disguise for me. I felt awful, awful guilt about using marijuana while nursing Elliot. That said, I felt more guilt about shrieking in anxiety at my big kids or having anxiety attacks so bad that I couldn’t function. So I sucked it up. I would nurse the boy, then would carefully leave Elliot in the swing or with his dad, or our housemate, go out side and smoke fast, come in, ditch my clothes, shower, throw clean clothes on and then go back to him. Because at least I could protect him from the chemicals on me…

    When he was diagnosed with epilepsy at 5mo and started on meds at 6mo, I asked his neuro (one of the best pediatric neurologists in the bay area) about the meds I was taking (including pot) possibly interacting with his meds. She told me that were she in my position, should would smoke BEFORE nursing so that some of the marijuana in my milk might help prevent seizures in Elliot. So that made me feel a lot better… but before that? I really understand where you are coming from.

    Doncha wish you could pick and choose the traits we handed down to our kids? 😉

    Lillian loves hanging out with Callie. She always wanted a sister, and Callie was so happy to hide quietly in Lillian’s room and play dolls or color pictures quietly one on one. It’s fun to have her over. 🙂

    Reply
  2. cerulean_me

    Elliot’s epilepsy became a blessing in disguise for me. I felt awful, awful guilt about using marijuana while nursing Elliot. That said, I felt more guilt about shrieking in anxiety at my big kids or having anxiety attacks so bad that I couldn’t function. So I sucked it up. I would nurse the boy, then would carefully leave Elliot in the swing or with his dad, or our housemate, go out side and smoke fast, come in, ditch my clothes, shower, throw clean clothes on and then go back to him. Because at least I could protect him from the chemicals on me…

    When he was diagnosed with epilepsy at 5mo and started on meds at 6mo, I asked his neuro (one of the best pediatric neurologists in the bay area) about the meds I was taking (including pot) possibly interacting with his meds. She told me that were she in my position, should would smoke BEFORE nursing so that some of the marijuana in my milk might help prevent seizures in Elliot. So that made me feel a lot better… but before that? I really understand where you are coming from.

    Doncha wish you could pick and choose the traits we handed down to our kids? 😉

    Lillian loves hanging out with Callie. She always wanted a sister, and Callie was so happy to hide quietly in Lillian’s room and play dolls or color pictures quietly one on one. It’s fun to have her over. 🙂

    Reply
  3. cerulean_me

    Elliot’s epilepsy became a blessing in disguise for me. I felt awful, awful guilt about using marijuana while nursing Elliot. That said, I felt more guilt about shrieking in anxiety at my big kids or having anxiety attacks so bad that I couldn’t function. So I sucked it up. I would nurse the boy, then would carefully leave Elliot in the swing or with his dad, or our housemate, go out side and smoke fast, come in, ditch my clothes, shower, throw clean clothes on and then go back to him. Because at least I could protect him from the chemicals on me…

    When he was diagnosed with epilepsy at 5mo and started on meds at 6mo, I asked his neuro (one of the best pediatric neurologists in the bay area) about the meds I was taking (including pot) possibly interacting with his meds. She told me that were she in my position, should would smoke BEFORE nursing so that some of the marijuana in my milk might help prevent seizures in Elliot. So that made me feel a lot better… but before that? I really understand where you are coming from.

    Doncha wish you could pick and choose the traits we handed down to our kids? 😉

    Lillian loves hanging out with Callie. She always wanted a sister, and Callie was so happy to hide quietly in Lillian’s room and play dolls or color pictures quietly one on one. It’s fun to have her over. 🙂

    Reply
  4. cerulean_me

    Elliot’s epilepsy became a blessing in disguise for me. I felt awful, awful guilt about using marijuana while nursing Elliot. That said, I felt more guilt about shrieking in anxiety at my big kids or having anxiety attacks so bad that I couldn’t function. So I sucked it up. I would nurse the boy, then would carefully leave Elliot in the swing or with his dad, or our housemate, go out side and smoke fast, come in, ditch my clothes, shower, throw clean clothes on and then go back to him. Because at least I could protect him from the chemicals on me…

    When he was diagnosed with epilepsy at 5mo and started on meds at 6mo, I asked his neuro (one of the best pediatric neurologists in the bay area) about the meds I was taking (including pot) possibly interacting with his meds. She told me that were she in my position, should would smoke BEFORE nursing so that some of the marijuana in my milk might help prevent seizures in Elliot. So that made me feel a lot better… but before that? I really understand where you are coming from.

    Doncha wish you could pick and choose the traits we handed down to our kids? 😉

    Lillian loves hanging out with Callie. She always wanted a sister, and Callie was so happy to hide quietly in Lillian’s room and play dolls or color pictures quietly one on one. It’s fun to have her over. 🙂

    Reply
  5. cerulean_me

    Elliot’s epilepsy became a blessing in disguise for me. I felt awful, awful guilt about using marijuana while nursing Elliot. That said, I felt more guilt about shrieking in anxiety at my big kids or having anxiety attacks so bad that I couldn’t function. So I sucked it up. I would nurse the boy, then would carefully leave Elliot in the swing or with his dad, or our housemate, go out side and smoke fast, come in, ditch my clothes, shower, throw clean clothes on and then go back to him. Because at least I could protect him from the chemicals on me…

    When he was diagnosed with epilepsy at 5mo and started on meds at 6mo, I asked his neuro (one of the best pediatric neurologists in the bay area) about the meds I was taking (including pot) possibly interacting with his meds. She told me that were she in my position, should would smoke BEFORE nursing so that some of the marijuana in my milk might help prevent seizures in Elliot. So that made me feel a lot better… but before that? I really understand where you are coming from.

    Doncha wish you could pick and choose the traits we handed down to our kids? 😉

    Lillian loves hanging out with Callie. She always wanted a sister, and Callie was so happy to hide quietly in Lillian’s room and play dolls or color pictures quietly one on one. It’s fun to have her over. 🙂

    Reply
  6. cerulean_me

    Elliot’s epilepsy became a blessing in disguise for me. I felt awful, awful guilt about using marijuana while nursing Elliot. That said, I felt more guilt about shrieking in anxiety at my big kids or having anxiety attacks so bad that I couldn’t function. So I sucked it up. I would nurse the boy, then would carefully leave Elliot in the swing or with his dad, or our housemate, go out side and smoke fast, come in, ditch my clothes, shower, throw clean clothes on and then go back to him. Because at least I could protect him from the chemicals on me…

    When he was diagnosed with epilepsy at 5mo and started on meds at 6mo, I asked his neuro (one of the best pediatric neurologists in the bay area) about the meds I was taking (including pot) possibly interacting with his meds. She told me that were she in my position, should would smoke BEFORE nursing so that some of the marijuana in my milk might help prevent seizures in Elliot. So that made me feel a lot better… but before that? I really understand where you are coming from.

    Doncha wish you could pick and choose the traits we handed down to our kids? 😉

    Lillian loves hanging out with Callie. She always wanted a sister, and Callie was so happy to hide quietly in Lillian’s room and play dolls or color pictures quietly one on one. It’s fun to have her over. 🙂

    Reply
  7. cerulean_me

    Elliot’s epilepsy became a blessing in disguise for me. I felt awful, awful guilt about using marijuana while nursing Elliot. That said, I felt more guilt about shrieking in anxiety at my big kids or having anxiety attacks so bad that I couldn’t function. So I sucked it up. I would nurse the boy, then would carefully leave Elliot in the swing or with his dad, or our housemate, go out side and smoke fast, come in, ditch my clothes, shower, throw clean clothes on and then go back to him. Because at least I could protect him from the chemicals on me…

    When he was diagnosed with epilepsy at 5mo and started on meds at 6mo, I asked his neuro (one of the best pediatric neurologists in the bay area) about the meds I was taking (including pot) possibly interacting with his meds. She told me that were she in my position, should would smoke BEFORE nursing so that some of the marijuana in my milk might help prevent seizures in Elliot. So that made me feel a lot better… but before that? I really understand where you are coming from.

    Doncha wish you could pick and choose the traits we handed down to our kids? 😉

    Lillian loves hanging out with Callie. She always wanted a sister, and Callie was so happy to hide quietly in Lillian’s room and play dolls or color pictures quietly one on one. It’s fun to have her over. 🙂

    Reply
  8. cerulean_me

    Elliot’s epilepsy became a blessing in disguise for me. I felt awful, awful guilt about using marijuana while nursing Elliot. That said, I felt more guilt about shrieking in anxiety at my big kids or having anxiety attacks so bad that I couldn’t function. So I sucked it up. I would nurse the boy, then would carefully leave Elliot in the swing or with his dad, or our housemate, go out side and smoke fast, come in, ditch my clothes, shower, throw clean clothes on and then go back to him. Because at least I could protect him from the chemicals on me…

    When he was diagnosed with epilepsy at 5mo and started on meds at 6mo, I asked his neuro (one of the best pediatric neurologists in the bay area) about the meds I was taking (including pot) possibly interacting with his meds. She told me that were she in my position, should would smoke BEFORE nursing so that some of the marijuana in my milk might help prevent seizures in Elliot. So that made me feel a lot better… but before that? I really understand where you are coming from.

    Doncha wish you could pick and choose the traits we handed down to our kids? 😉

    Lillian loves hanging out with Callie. She always wanted a sister, and Callie was so happy to hide quietly in Lillian’s room and play dolls or color pictures quietly one on one. It’s fun to have her over. 🙂

    Reply
  9. cerulean_me

    Elliot’s epilepsy became a blessing in disguise for me. I felt awful, awful guilt about using marijuana while nursing Elliot. That said, I felt more guilt about shrieking in anxiety at my big kids or having anxiety attacks so bad that I couldn’t function. So I sucked it up. I would nurse the boy, then would carefully leave Elliot in the swing or with his dad, or our housemate, go out side and smoke fast, come in, ditch my clothes, shower, throw clean clothes on and then go back to him. Because at least I could protect him from the chemicals on me…

    When he was diagnosed with epilepsy at 5mo and started on meds at 6mo, I asked his neuro (one of the best pediatric neurologists in the bay area) about the meds I was taking (including pot) possibly interacting with his meds. She told me that were she in my position, should would smoke BEFORE nursing so that some of the marijuana in my milk might help prevent seizures in Elliot. So that made me feel a lot better… but before that? I really understand where you are coming from.

    Doncha wish you could pick and choose the traits we handed down to our kids? 😉

    Lillian loves hanging out with Callie. She always wanted a sister, and Callie was so happy to hide quietly in Lillian’s room and play dolls or color pictures quietly one on one. It’s fun to have her over. 🙂

    Reply
  10. cerulean_me

    Elliot’s epilepsy became a blessing in disguise for me. I felt awful, awful guilt about using marijuana while nursing Elliot. That said, I felt more guilt about shrieking in anxiety at my big kids or having anxiety attacks so bad that I couldn’t function. So I sucked it up. I would nurse the boy, then would carefully leave Elliot in the swing or with his dad, or our housemate, go out side and smoke fast, come in, ditch my clothes, shower, throw clean clothes on and then go back to him. Because at least I could protect him from the chemicals on me…

    When he was diagnosed with epilepsy at 5mo and started on meds at 6mo, I asked his neuro (one of the best pediatric neurologists in the bay area) about the meds I was taking (including pot) possibly interacting with his meds. She told me that were she in my position, should would smoke BEFORE nursing so that some of the marijuana in my milk might help prevent seizures in Elliot. So that made me feel a lot better… but before that? I really understand where you are coming from.

    Doncha wish you could pick and choose the traits we handed down to our kids? 😉

    Lillian loves hanging out with Callie. She always wanted a sister, and Callie was so happy to hide quietly in Lillian’s room and play dolls or color pictures quietly one on one. It’s fun to have her over. 🙂

    Reply
  11. cerulean_me

    Elliot’s epilepsy became a blessing in disguise for me. I felt awful, awful guilt about using marijuana while nursing Elliot. That said, I felt more guilt about shrieking in anxiety at my big kids or having anxiety attacks so bad that I couldn’t function. So I sucked it up. I would nurse the boy, then would carefully leave Elliot in the swing or with his dad, or our housemate, go out side and smoke fast, come in, ditch my clothes, shower, throw clean clothes on and then go back to him. Because at least I could protect him from the chemicals on me…

    When he was diagnosed with epilepsy at 5mo and started on meds at 6mo, I asked his neuro (one of the best pediatric neurologists in the bay area) about the meds I was taking (including pot) possibly interacting with his meds. She told me that were she in my position, should would smoke BEFORE nursing so that some of the marijuana in my milk might help prevent seizures in Elliot. So that made me feel a lot better… but before that? I really understand where you are coming from.

    Doncha wish you could pick and choose the traits we handed down to our kids? 😉

    Lillian loves hanging out with Callie. She always wanted a sister, and Callie was so happy to hide quietly in Lillian’s room and play dolls or color pictures quietly one on one. It’s fun to have her over. 🙂

    Reply
  12. cerulean_me

    Elliot’s epilepsy became a blessing in disguise for me. I felt awful, awful guilt about using marijuana while nursing Elliot. That said, I felt more guilt about shrieking in anxiety at my big kids or having anxiety attacks so bad that I couldn’t function. So I sucked it up. I would nurse the boy, then would carefully leave Elliot in the swing or with his dad, or our housemate, go out side and smoke fast, come in, ditch my clothes, shower, throw clean clothes on and then go back to him. Because at least I could protect him from the chemicals on me…

    When he was diagnosed with epilepsy at 5mo and started on meds at 6mo, I asked his neuro (one of the best pediatric neurologists in the bay area) about the meds I was taking (including pot) possibly interacting with his meds. She told me that were she in my position, should would smoke BEFORE nursing so that some of the marijuana in my milk might help prevent seizures in Elliot. So that made me feel a lot better… but before that? I really understand where you are coming from.

    Doncha wish you could pick and choose the traits we handed down to our kids? 😉

    Lillian loves hanging out with Callie. She always wanted a sister, and Callie was so happy to hide quietly in Lillian’s room and play dolls or color pictures quietly one on one. It’s fun to have her over. 🙂

    Reply
  13. cerulean_me

    Elliot’s epilepsy became a blessing in disguise for me. I felt awful, awful guilt about using marijuana while nursing Elliot. That said, I felt more guilt about shrieking in anxiety at my big kids or having anxiety attacks so bad that I couldn’t function. So I sucked it up. I would nurse the boy, then would carefully leave Elliot in the swing or with his dad, or our housemate, go out side and smoke fast, come in, ditch my clothes, shower, throw clean clothes on and then go back to him. Because at least I could protect him from the chemicals on me…

    When he was diagnosed with epilepsy at 5mo and started on meds at 6mo, I asked his neuro (one of the best pediatric neurologists in the bay area) about the meds I was taking (including pot) possibly interacting with his meds. She told me that were she in my position, should would smoke BEFORE nursing so that some of the marijuana in my milk might help prevent seizures in Elliot. So that made me feel a lot better… but before that? I really understand where you are coming from.

    Doncha wish you could pick and choose the traits we handed down to our kids? 😉

    Lillian loves hanging out with Callie. She always wanted a sister, and Callie was so happy to hide quietly in Lillian’s room and play dolls or color pictures quietly one on one. It’s fun to have her over. 🙂

    Reply
  14. cerulean_me

    Elliot’s epilepsy became a blessing in disguise for me. I felt awful, awful guilt about using marijuana while nursing Elliot. That said, I felt more guilt about shrieking in anxiety at my big kids or having anxiety attacks so bad that I couldn’t function. So I sucked it up. I would nurse the boy, then would carefully leave Elliot in the swing or with his dad, or our housemate, go out side and smoke fast, come in, ditch my clothes, shower, throw clean clothes on and then go back to him. Because at least I could protect him from the chemicals on me…

    When he was diagnosed with epilepsy at 5mo and started on meds at 6mo, I asked his neuro (one of the best pediatric neurologists in the bay area) about the meds I was taking (including pot) possibly interacting with his meds. She told me that were she in my position, should would smoke BEFORE nursing so that some of the marijuana in my milk might help prevent seizures in Elliot. So that made me feel a lot better… but before that? I really understand where you are coming from.

    Doncha wish you could pick and choose the traits we handed down to our kids? 😉

    Lillian loves hanging out with Callie. She always wanted a sister, and Callie was so happy to hide quietly in Lillian’s room and play dolls or color pictures quietly one on one. It’s fun to have her over. 🙂

    Reply
  15. cerulean_me

    Elliot’s epilepsy became a blessing in disguise for me. I felt awful, awful guilt about using marijuana while nursing Elliot. That said, I felt more guilt about shrieking in anxiety at my big kids or having anxiety attacks so bad that I couldn’t function. So I sucked it up. I would nurse the boy, then would carefully leave Elliot in the swing or with his dad, or our housemate, go out side and smoke fast, come in, ditch my clothes, shower, throw clean clothes on and then go back to him. Because at least I could protect him from the chemicals on me…

    When he was diagnosed with epilepsy at 5mo and started on meds at 6mo, I asked his neuro (one of the best pediatric neurologists in the bay area) about the meds I was taking (including pot) possibly interacting with his meds. She told me that were she in my position, should would smoke BEFORE nursing so that some of the marijuana in my milk might help prevent seizures in Elliot. So that made me feel a lot better… but before that? I really understand where you are coming from.

    Doncha wish you could pick and choose the traits we handed down to our kids? 😉

    Lillian loves hanging out with Callie. She always wanted a sister, and Callie was so happy to hide quietly in Lillian’s room and play dolls or color pictures quietly one on one. It’s fun to have her over. 🙂

    Reply
  16. cerulean_me

    Elliot’s epilepsy became a blessing in disguise for me. I felt awful, awful guilt about using marijuana while nursing Elliot. That said, I felt more guilt about shrieking in anxiety at my big kids or having anxiety attacks so bad that I couldn’t function. So I sucked it up. I would nurse the boy, then would carefully leave Elliot in the swing or with his dad, or our housemate, go out side and smoke fast, come in, ditch my clothes, shower, throw clean clothes on and then go back to him. Because at least I could protect him from the chemicals on me…

    When he was diagnosed with epilepsy at 5mo and started on meds at 6mo, I asked his neuro (one of the best pediatric neurologists in the bay area) about the meds I was taking (including pot) possibly interacting with his meds. She told me that were she in my position, should would smoke BEFORE nursing so that some of the marijuana in my milk might help prevent seizures in Elliot. So that made me feel a lot better… but before that? I really understand where you are coming from.

    Doncha wish you could pick and choose the traits we handed down to our kids? 😉

    Lillian loves hanging out with Callie. She always wanted a sister, and Callie was so happy to hide quietly in Lillian’s room and play dolls or color pictures quietly one on one. It’s fun to have her over. 🙂

    Reply
  17. cerulean_me

    Elliot’s epilepsy became a blessing in disguise for me. I felt awful, awful guilt about using marijuana while nursing Elliot. That said, I felt more guilt about shrieking in anxiety at my big kids or having anxiety attacks so bad that I couldn’t function. So I sucked it up. I would nurse the boy, then would carefully leave Elliot in the swing or with his dad, or our housemate, go out side and smoke fast, come in, ditch my clothes, shower, throw clean clothes on and then go back to him. Because at least I could protect him from the chemicals on me…

    When he was diagnosed with epilepsy at 5mo and started on meds at 6mo, I asked his neuro (one of the best pediatric neurologists in the bay area) about the meds I was taking (including pot) possibly interacting with his meds. She told me that were she in my position, should would smoke BEFORE nursing so that some of the marijuana in my milk might help prevent seizures in Elliot. So that made me feel a lot better… but before that? I really understand where you are coming from.

    Doncha wish you could pick and choose the traits we handed down to our kids? 😉

    Lillian loves hanging out with Callie. She always wanted a sister, and Callie was so happy to hide quietly in Lillian’s room and play dolls or color pictures quietly one on one. It’s fun to have her over. 🙂

    Reply
  18. cerulean_me

    Elliot’s epilepsy became a blessing in disguise for me. I felt awful, awful guilt about using marijuana while nursing Elliot. That said, I felt more guilt about shrieking in anxiety at my big kids or having anxiety attacks so bad that I couldn’t function. So I sucked it up. I would nurse the boy, then would carefully leave Elliot in the swing or with his dad, or our housemate, go out side and smoke fast, come in, ditch my clothes, shower, throw clean clothes on and then go back to him. Because at least I could protect him from the chemicals on me…

    When he was diagnosed with epilepsy at 5mo and started on meds at 6mo, I asked his neuro (one of the best pediatric neurologists in the bay area) about the meds I was taking (including pot) possibly interacting with his meds. She told me that were she in my position, should would smoke BEFORE nursing so that some of the marijuana in my milk might help prevent seizures in Elliot. So that made me feel a lot better… but before that? I really understand where you are coming from.

    Doncha wish you could pick and choose the traits we handed down to our kids? 😉

    Lillian loves hanging out with Callie. She always wanted a sister, and Callie was so happy to hide quietly in Lillian’s room and play dolls or color pictures quietly one on one. It’s fun to have her over. 🙂

    Reply
  19. cerulean_me

    Elliot’s epilepsy became a blessing in disguise for me. I felt awful, awful guilt about using marijuana while nursing Elliot. That said, I felt more guilt about shrieking in anxiety at my big kids or having anxiety attacks so bad that I couldn’t function. So I sucked it up. I would nurse the boy, then would carefully leave Elliot in the swing or with his dad, or our housemate, go out side and smoke fast, come in, ditch my clothes, shower, throw clean clothes on and then go back to him. Because at least I could protect him from the chemicals on me…

    When he was diagnosed with epilepsy at 5mo and started on meds at 6mo, I asked his neuro (one of the best pediatric neurologists in the bay area) about the meds I was taking (including pot) possibly interacting with his meds. She told me that were she in my position, should would smoke BEFORE nursing so that some of the marijuana in my milk might help prevent seizures in Elliot. So that made me feel a lot better… but before that? I really understand where you are coming from.

    Doncha wish you could pick and choose the traits we handed down to our kids? 😉

    Lillian loves hanging out with Callie. She always wanted a sister, and Callie was so happy to hide quietly in Lillian’s room and play dolls or color pictures quietly one on one. It’s fun to have her over. 🙂

    Reply
  20. cerulean_me

    Elliot’s epilepsy became a blessing in disguise for me. I felt awful, awful guilt about using marijuana while nursing Elliot. That said, I felt more guilt about shrieking in anxiety at my big kids or having anxiety attacks so bad that I couldn’t function. So I sucked it up. I would nurse the boy, then would carefully leave Elliot in the swing or with his dad, or our housemate, go out side and smoke fast, come in, ditch my clothes, shower, throw clean clothes on and then go back to him. Because at least I could protect him from the chemicals on me…

    When he was diagnosed with epilepsy at 5mo and started on meds at 6mo, I asked his neuro (one of the best pediatric neurologists in the bay area) about the meds I was taking (including pot) possibly interacting with his meds. She told me that were she in my position, should would smoke BEFORE nursing so that some of the marijuana in my milk might help prevent seizures in Elliot. So that made me feel a lot better… but before that? I really understand where you are coming from.

    Doncha wish you could pick and choose the traits we handed down to our kids? 😉

    Lillian loves hanging out with Callie. She always wanted a sister, and Callie was so happy to hide quietly in Lillian’s room and play dolls or color pictures quietly one on one. It’s fun to have her over. 🙂

    Reply
  21. cerulean_me

    Elliot’s epilepsy became a blessing in disguise for me. I felt awful, awful guilt about using marijuana while nursing Elliot. That said, I felt more guilt about shrieking in anxiety at my big kids or having anxiety attacks so bad that I couldn’t function. So I sucked it up. I would nurse the boy, then would carefully leave Elliot in the swing or with his dad, or our housemate, go out side and smoke fast, come in, ditch my clothes, shower, throw clean clothes on and then go back to him. Because at least I could protect him from the chemicals on me…

    When he was diagnosed with epilepsy at 5mo and started on meds at 6mo, I asked his neuro (one of the best pediatric neurologists in the bay area) about the meds I was taking (including pot) possibly interacting with his meds. She told me that were she in my position, should would smoke BEFORE nursing so that some of the marijuana in my milk might help prevent seizures in Elliot. So that made me feel a lot better… but before that? I really understand where you are coming from.

    Doncha wish you could pick and choose the traits we handed down to our kids? 😉

    Lillian loves hanging out with Callie. She always wanted a sister, and Callie was so happy to hide quietly in Lillian’s room and play dolls or color pictures quietly one on one. It’s fun to have her over. 🙂

    Reply
  22. cerulean_me

    Elliot’s epilepsy became a blessing in disguise for me. I felt awful, awful guilt about using marijuana while nursing Elliot. That said, I felt more guilt about shrieking in anxiety at my big kids or having anxiety attacks so bad that I couldn’t function. So I sucked it up. I would nurse the boy, then would carefully leave Elliot in the swing or with his dad, or our housemate, go out side and smoke fast, come in, ditch my clothes, shower, throw clean clothes on and then go back to him. Because at least I could protect him from the chemicals on me…

    When he was diagnosed with epilepsy at 5mo and started on meds at 6mo, I asked his neuro (one of the best pediatric neurologists in the bay area) about the meds I was taking (including pot) possibly interacting with his meds. She told me that were she in my position, should would smoke BEFORE nursing so that some of the marijuana in my milk might help prevent seizures in Elliot. So that made me feel a lot better… but before that? I really understand where you are coming from.

    Doncha wish you could pick and choose the traits we handed down to our kids? 😉

    Lillian loves hanging out with Callie. She always wanted a sister, and Callie was so happy to hide quietly in Lillian’s room and play dolls or color pictures quietly one on one. It’s fun to have her over. 🙂

    Reply
  23. cerulean_me

    Elliot’s epilepsy became a blessing in disguise for me. I felt awful, awful guilt about using marijuana while nursing Elliot. That said, I felt more guilt about shrieking in anxiety at my big kids or having anxiety attacks so bad that I couldn’t function. So I sucked it up. I would nurse the boy, then would carefully leave Elliot in the swing or with his dad, or our housemate, go out side and smoke fast, come in, ditch my clothes, shower, throw clean clothes on and then go back to him. Because at least I could protect him from the chemicals on me…

    When he was diagnosed with epilepsy at 5mo and started on meds at 6mo, I asked his neuro (one of the best pediatric neurologists in the bay area) about the meds I was taking (including pot) possibly interacting with his meds. She told me that were she in my position, should would smoke BEFORE nursing so that some of the marijuana in my milk might help prevent seizures in Elliot. So that made me feel a lot better… but before that? I really understand where you are coming from.

    Doncha wish you could pick and choose the traits we handed down to our kids? 😉

    Lillian loves hanging out with Callie. She always wanted a sister, and Callie was so happy to hide quietly in Lillian’s room and play dolls or color pictures quietly one on one. It’s fun to have her over. 🙂

    Reply
  24. cerulean_me

    Elliot’s epilepsy became a blessing in disguise for me. I felt awful, awful guilt about using marijuana while nursing Elliot. That said, I felt more guilt about shrieking in anxiety at my big kids or having anxiety attacks so bad that I couldn’t function. So I sucked it up. I would nurse the boy, then would carefully leave Elliot in the swing or with his dad, or our housemate, go out side and smoke fast, come in, ditch my clothes, shower, throw clean clothes on and then go back to him. Because at least I could protect him from the chemicals on me…

    When he was diagnosed with epilepsy at 5mo and started on meds at 6mo, I asked his neuro (one of the best pediatric neurologists in the bay area) about the meds I was taking (including pot) possibly interacting with his meds. She told me that were she in my position, should would smoke BEFORE nursing so that some of the marijuana in my milk might help prevent seizures in Elliot. So that made me feel a lot better… but before that? I really understand where you are coming from.

    Doncha wish you could pick and choose the traits we handed down to our kids? 😉

    Lillian loves hanging out with Callie. She always wanted a sister, and Callie was so happy to hide quietly in Lillian’s room and play dolls or color pictures quietly one on one. It’s fun to have her over. 🙂

    Reply
  25. cerulean_me

    Elliot’s epilepsy became a blessing in disguise for me. I felt awful, awful guilt about using marijuana while nursing Elliot. That said, I felt more guilt about shrieking in anxiety at my big kids or having anxiety attacks so bad that I couldn’t function. So I sucked it up. I would nurse the boy, then would carefully leave Elliot in the swing or with his dad, or our housemate, go out side and smoke fast, come in, ditch my clothes, shower, throw clean clothes on and then go back to him. Because at least I could protect him from the chemicals on me…

    When he was diagnosed with epilepsy at 5mo and started on meds at 6mo, I asked his neuro (one of the best pediatric neurologists in the bay area) about the meds I was taking (including pot) possibly interacting with his meds. She told me that were she in my position, should would smoke BEFORE nursing so that some of the marijuana in my milk might help prevent seizures in Elliot. So that made me feel a lot better… but before that? I really understand where you are coming from.

    Doncha wish you could pick and choose the traits we handed down to our kids? 😉

    Lillian loves hanging out with Callie. She always wanted a sister, and Callie was so happy to hide quietly in Lillian’s room and play dolls or color pictures quietly one on one. It’s fun to have her over. 🙂

    Reply
  26. cerulean_me

    Elliot’s epilepsy became a blessing in disguise for me. I felt awful, awful guilt about using marijuana while nursing Elliot. That said, I felt more guilt about shrieking in anxiety at my big kids or having anxiety attacks so bad that I couldn’t function. So I sucked it up. I would nurse the boy, then would carefully leave Elliot in the swing or with his dad, or our housemate, go out side and smoke fast, come in, ditch my clothes, shower, throw clean clothes on and then go back to him. Because at least I could protect him from the chemicals on me…

    When he was diagnosed with epilepsy at 5mo and started on meds at 6mo, I asked his neuro (one of the best pediatric neurologists in the bay area) about the meds I was taking (including pot) possibly interacting with his meds. She told me that were she in my position, should would smoke BEFORE nursing so that some of the marijuana in my milk might help prevent seizures in Elliot. So that made me feel a lot better… but before that? I really understand where you are coming from.

    Doncha wish you could pick and choose the traits we handed down to our kids? 😉

    Lillian loves hanging out with Callie. She always wanted a sister, and Callie was so happy to hide quietly in Lillian’s room and play dolls or color pictures quietly one on one. It’s fun to have her over. 🙂

    Reply
  27. cerulean_me

    Elliot’s epilepsy became a blessing in disguise for me. I felt awful, awful guilt about using marijuana while nursing Elliot. That said, I felt more guilt about shrieking in anxiety at my big kids or having anxiety attacks so bad that I couldn’t function. So I sucked it up. I would nurse the boy, then would carefully leave Elliot in the swing or with his dad, or our housemate, go out side and smoke fast, come in, ditch my clothes, shower, throw clean clothes on and then go back to him. Because at least I could protect him from the chemicals on me…

    When he was diagnosed with epilepsy at 5mo and started on meds at 6mo, I asked his neuro (one of the best pediatric neurologists in the bay area) about the meds I was taking (including pot) possibly interacting with his meds. She told me that were she in my position, should would smoke BEFORE nursing so that some of the marijuana in my milk might help prevent seizures in Elliot. So that made me feel a lot better… but before that? I really understand where you are coming from.

    Doncha wish you could pick and choose the traits we handed down to our kids? 😉

    Lillian loves hanging out with Callie. She always wanted a sister, and Callie was so happy to hide quietly in Lillian’s room and play dolls or color pictures quietly one on one. It’s fun to have her over. 🙂

    Reply
  28. cerulean_me

    Elliot’s epilepsy became a blessing in disguise for me. I felt awful, awful guilt about using marijuana while nursing Elliot. That said, I felt more guilt about shrieking in anxiety at my big kids or having anxiety attacks so bad that I couldn’t function. So I sucked it up. I would nurse the boy, then would carefully leave Elliot in the swing or with his dad, or our housemate, go out side and smoke fast, come in, ditch my clothes, shower, throw clean clothes on and then go back to him. Because at least I could protect him from the chemicals on me…

    When he was diagnosed with epilepsy at 5mo and started on meds at 6mo, I asked his neuro (one of the best pediatric neurologists in the bay area) about the meds I was taking (including pot) possibly interacting with his meds. She told me that were she in my position, should would smoke BEFORE nursing so that some of the marijuana in my milk might help prevent seizures in Elliot. So that made me feel a lot better… but before that? I really understand where you are coming from.

    Doncha wish you could pick and choose the traits we handed down to our kids? 😉

    Lillian loves hanging out with Callie. She always wanted a sister, and Callie was so happy to hide quietly in Lillian’s room and play dolls or color pictures quietly one on one. It’s fun to have her over. 🙂

    Reply
  29. cerulean_me

    Elliot’s epilepsy became a blessing in disguise for me. I felt awful, awful guilt about using marijuana while nursing Elliot. That said, I felt more guilt about shrieking in anxiety at my big kids or having anxiety attacks so bad that I couldn’t function. So I sucked it up. I would nurse the boy, then would carefully leave Elliot in the swing or with his dad, or our housemate, go out side and smoke fast, come in, ditch my clothes, shower, throw clean clothes on and then go back to him. Because at least I could protect him from the chemicals on me…

    When he was diagnosed with epilepsy at 5mo and started on meds at 6mo, I asked his neuro (one of the best pediatric neurologists in the bay area) about the meds I was taking (including pot) possibly interacting with his meds. She told me that were she in my position, should would smoke BEFORE nursing so that some of the marijuana in my milk might help prevent seizures in Elliot. So that made me feel a lot better… but before that? I really understand where you are coming from.

    Doncha wish you could pick and choose the traits we handed down to our kids? 😉

    Lillian loves hanging out with Callie. She always wanted a sister, and Callie was so happy to hide quietly in Lillian’s room and play dolls or color pictures quietly one on one. It’s fun to have her over. 🙂

    Reply
  30. cerulean_me

    Elliot’s epilepsy became a blessing in disguise for me. I felt awful, awful guilt about using marijuana while nursing Elliot. That said, I felt more guilt about shrieking in anxiety at my big kids or having anxiety attacks so bad that I couldn’t function. So I sucked it up. I would nurse the boy, then would carefully leave Elliot in the swing or with his dad, or our housemate, go out side and smoke fast, come in, ditch my clothes, shower, throw clean clothes on and then go back to him. Because at least I could protect him from the chemicals on me…

    When he was diagnosed with epilepsy at 5mo and started on meds at 6mo, I asked his neuro (one of the best pediatric neurologists in the bay area) about the meds I was taking (including pot) possibly interacting with his meds. She told me that were she in my position, should would smoke BEFORE nursing so that some of the marijuana in my milk might help prevent seizures in Elliot. So that made me feel a lot better… but before that? I really understand where you are coming from.

    Doncha wish you could pick and choose the traits we handed down to our kids? 😉

    Lillian loves hanging out with Callie. She always wanted a sister, and Callie was so happy to hide quietly in Lillian’s room and play dolls or color pictures quietly one on one. It’s fun to have her over. 🙂

    Reply
  31. metaphortunate

    I love the way you write about your kids, and your running, and your life.

    I just stopped pumping at work for the Junebug but am still nursing him morning and evening. I hope I get to keep doing that for a while.

    Reply
  32. metaphortunate

    I love the way you write about your kids, and your running, and your life.

    I just stopped pumping at work for the Junebug but am still nursing him morning and evening. I hope I get to keep doing that for a while.

    Reply
  33. metaphortunate

    I love the way you write about your kids, and your running, and your life.

    I just stopped pumping at work for the Junebug but am still nursing him morning and evening. I hope I get to keep doing that for a while.

    Reply
  34. metaphortunate

    I love the way you write about your kids, and your running, and your life.

    I just stopped pumping at work for the Junebug but am still nursing him morning and evening. I hope I get to keep doing that for a while.

    Reply
  35. metaphortunate

    I love the way you write about your kids, and your running, and your life.

    I just stopped pumping at work for the Junebug but am still nursing him morning and evening. I hope I get to keep doing that for a while.

    Reply
  36. metaphortunate

    I love the way you write about your kids, and your running, and your life.

    I just stopped pumping at work for the Junebug but am still nursing him morning and evening. I hope I get to keep doing that for a while.

    Reply
  37. metaphortunate

    I love the way you write about your kids, and your running, and your life.

    I just stopped pumping at work for the Junebug but am still nursing him morning and evening. I hope I get to keep doing that for a while.

    Reply
  38. metaphortunate

    I love the way you write about your kids, and your running, and your life.

    I just stopped pumping at work for the Junebug but am still nursing him morning and evening. I hope I get to keep doing that for a while.

    Reply
  39. metaphortunate

    I love the way you write about your kids, and your running, and your life.

    I just stopped pumping at work for the Junebug but am still nursing him morning and evening. I hope I get to keep doing that for a while.

    Reply
  40. metaphortunate

    I love the way you write about your kids, and your running, and your life.

    I just stopped pumping at work for the Junebug but am still nursing him morning and evening. I hope I get to keep doing that for a while.

    Reply
  41. metaphortunate

    I love the way you write about your kids, and your running, and your life.

    I just stopped pumping at work for the Junebug but am still nursing him morning and evening. I hope I get to keep doing that for a while.

    Reply
  42. metaphortunate

    I love the way you write about your kids, and your running, and your life.

    I just stopped pumping at work for the Junebug but am still nursing him morning and evening. I hope I get to keep doing that for a while.

    Reply
  43. metaphortunate

    I love the way you write about your kids, and your running, and your life.

    I just stopped pumping at work for the Junebug but am still nursing him morning and evening. I hope I get to keep doing that for a while.

    Reply
  44. metaphortunate

    I love the way you write about your kids, and your running, and your life.

    I just stopped pumping at work for the Junebug but am still nursing him morning and evening. I hope I get to keep doing that for a while.

    Reply
  45. metaphortunate

    I love the way you write about your kids, and your running, and your life.

    I just stopped pumping at work for the Junebug but am still nursing him morning and evening. I hope I get to keep doing that for a while.

    Reply
  46. metaphortunate

    I love the way you write about your kids, and your running, and your life.

    I just stopped pumping at work for the Junebug but am still nursing him morning and evening. I hope I get to keep doing that for a while.

    Reply
  47. metaphortunate

    I love the way you write about your kids, and your running, and your life.

    I just stopped pumping at work for the Junebug but am still nursing him morning and evening. I hope I get to keep doing that for a while.

    Reply
  48. metaphortunate

    I love the way you write about your kids, and your running, and your life.

    I just stopped pumping at work for the Junebug but am still nursing him morning and evening. I hope I get to keep doing that for a while.

    Reply
  49. metaphortunate

    I love the way you write about your kids, and your running, and your life.

    I just stopped pumping at work for the Junebug but am still nursing him morning and evening. I hope I get to keep doing that for a while.

    Reply
  50. metaphortunate

    I love the way you write about your kids, and your running, and your life.

    I just stopped pumping at work for the Junebug but am still nursing him morning and evening. I hope I get to keep doing that for a while.

    Reply
  51. metaphortunate

    I love the way you write about your kids, and your running, and your life.

    I just stopped pumping at work for the Junebug but am still nursing him morning and evening. I hope I get to keep doing that for a while.

    Reply
  52. metaphortunate

    I love the way you write about your kids, and your running, and your life.

    I just stopped pumping at work for the Junebug but am still nursing him morning and evening. I hope I get to keep doing that for a while.

    Reply
  53. metaphortunate

    I love the way you write about your kids, and your running, and your life.

    I just stopped pumping at work for the Junebug but am still nursing him morning and evening. I hope I get to keep doing that for a while.

    Reply
  54. metaphortunate

    I love the way you write about your kids, and your running, and your life.

    I just stopped pumping at work for the Junebug but am still nursing him morning and evening. I hope I get to keep doing that for a while.

    Reply
  55. metaphortunate

    I love the way you write about your kids, and your running, and your life.

    I just stopped pumping at work for the Junebug but am still nursing him morning and evening. I hope I get to keep doing that for a while.

    Reply
  56. metaphortunate

    I love the way you write about your kids, and your running, and your life.

    I just stopped pumping at work for the Junebug but am still nursing him morning and evening. I hope I get to keep doing that for a while.

    Reply
  57. metaphortunate

    I love the way you write about your kids, and your running, and your life.

    I just stopped pumping at work for the Junebug but am still nursing him morning and evening. I hope I get to keep doing that for a while.

    Reply
  58. metaphortunate

    I love the way you write about your kids, and your running, and your life.

    I just stopped pumping at work for the Junebug but am still nursing him morning and evening. I hope I get to keep doing that for a while.

    Reply
  59. metaphortunate

    I love the way you write about your kids, and your running, and your life.

    I just stopped pumping at work for the Junebug but am still nursing him morning and evening. I hope I get to keep doing that for a while.

    Reply
  60. metaphortunate

    I love the way you write about your kids, and your running, and your life.

    I just stopped pumping at work for the Junebug but am still nursing him morning and evening. I hope I get to keep doing that for a while.

    Reply
  61. metaphortunate

    I love the way you write about your kids, and your running, and your life.

    I just stopped pumping at work for the Junebug but am still nursing him morning and evening. I hope I get to keep doing that for a while.

    Reply
  62. blacksheep_lj

    We are pretty firmly once a day, at bedtime, now. And I feel conflicted about how long it will go on. I’m tired of arguing with her about the sharp little puppy teeth on my nipples, but I also know how important that bonding time is for both Squishy and I. I clearly am still making plenty of milk, so my body still seems to think we should keep it up. I don’t know. When Frogling weaned at 2 1/2 she’d been skipping days, not asking at all fairly often, and I just told her I needed to stop one day. I know it was because I was newly and unexpectedly pregnant, but I don’t really remember “the last time we nursed.” I hope I can make it through a few more months and have it fade away as gently as possible.

    Reply
  63. blacksheep_lj

    We are pretty firmly once a day, at bedtime, now. And I feel conflicted about how long it will go on. I’m tired of arguing with her about the sharp little puppy teeth on my nipples, but I also know how important that bonding time is for both Squishy and I. I clearly am still making plenty of milk, so my body still seems to think we should keep it up. I don’t know. When Frogling weaned at 2 1/2 she’d been skipping days, not asking at all fairly often, and I just told her I needed to stop one day. I know it was because I was newly and unexpectedly pregnant, but I don’t really remember “the last time we nursed.” I hope I can make it through a few more months and have it fade away as gently as possible.

    Reply
  64. blacksheep_lj

    We are pretty firmly once a day, at bedtime, now. And I feel conflicted about how long it will go on. I’m tired of arguing with her about the sharp little puppy teeth on my nipples, but I also know how important that bonding time is for both Squishy and I. I clearly am still making plenty of milk, so my body still seems to think we should keep it up. I don’t know. When Frogling weaned at 2 1/2 she’d been skipping days, not asking at all fairly often, and I just told her I needed to stop one day. I know it was because I was newly and unexpectedly pregnant, but I don’t really remember “the last time we nursed.” I hope I can make it through a few more months and have it fade away as gently as possible.

    Reply
  65. blacksheep_lj

    We are pretty firmly once a day, at bedtime, now. And I feel conflicted about how long it will go on. I’m tired of arguing with her about the sharp little puppy teeth on my nipples, but I also know how important that bonding time is for both Squishy and I. I clearly am still making plenty of milk, so my body still seems to think we should keep it up. I don’t know. When Frogling weaned at 2 1/2 she’d been skipping days, not asking at all fairly often, and I just told her I needed to stop one day. I know it was because I was newly and unexpectedly pregnant, but I don’t really remember “the last time we nursed.” I hope I can make it through a few more months and have it fade away as gently as possible.

    Reply
  66. blacksheep_lj

    We are pretty firmly once a day, at bedtime, now. And I feel conflicted about how long it will go on. I’m tired of arguing with her about the sharp little puppy teeth on my nipples, but I also know how important that bonding time is for both Squishy and I. I clearly am still making plenty of milk, so my body still seems to think we should keep it up. I don’t know. When Frogling weaned at 2 1/2 she’d been skipping days, not asking at all fairly often, and I just told her I needed to stop one day. I know it was because I was newly and unexpectedly pregnant, but I don’t really remember “the last time we nursed.” I hope I can make it through a few more months and have it fade away as gently as possible.

    Reply
  67. blacksheep_lj

    We are pretty firmly once a day, at bedtime, now. And I feel conflicted about how long it will go on. I’m tired of arguing with her about the sharp little puppy teeth on my nipples, but I also know how important that bonding time is for both Squishy and I. I clearly am still making plenty of milk, so my body still seems to think we should keep it up. I don’t know. When Frogling weaned at 2 1/2 she’d been skipping days, not asking at all fairly often, and I just told her I needed to stop one day. I know it was because I was newly and unexpectedly pregnant, but I don’t really remember “the last time we nursed.” I hope I can make it through a few more months and have it fade away as gently as possible.

    Reply
  68. blacksheep_lj

    We are pretty firmly once a day, at bedtime, now. And I feel conflicted about how long it will go on. I’m tired of arguing with her about the sharp little puppy teeth on my nipples, but I also know how important that bonding time is for both Squishy and I. I clearly am still making plenty of milk, so my body still seems to think we should keep it up. I don’t know. When Frogling weaned at 2 1/2 she’d been skipping days, not asking at all fairly often, and I just told her I needed to stop one day. I know it was because I was newly and unexpectedly pregnant, but I don’t really remember “the last time we nursed.” I hope I can make it through a few more months and have it fade away as gently as possible.

    Reply
  69. blacksheep_lj

    We are pretty firmly once a day, at bedtime, now. And I feel conflicted about how long it will go on. I’m tired of arguing with her about the sharp little puppy teeth on my nipples, but I also know how important that bonding time is for both Squishy and I. I clearly am still making plenty of milk, so my body still seems to think we should keep it up. I don’t know. When Frogling weaned at 2 1/2 she’d been skipping days, not asking at all fairly often, and I just told her I needed to stop one day. I know it was because I was newly and unexpectedly pregnant, but I don’t really remember “the last time we nursed.” I hope I can make it through a few more months and have it fade away as gently as possible.

    Reply
  70. blacksheep_lj

    We are pretty firmly once a day, at bedtime, now. And I feel conflicted about how long it will go on. I’m tired of arguing with her about the sharp little puppy teeth on my nipples, but I also know how important that bonding time is for both Squishy and I. I clearly am still making plenty of milk, so my body still seems to think we should keep it up. I don’t know. When Frogling weaned at 2 1/2 she’d been skipping days, not asking at all fairly often, and I just told her I needed to stop one day. I know it was because I was newly and unexpectedly pregnant, but I don’t really remember “the last time we nursed.” I hope I can make it through a few more months and have it fade away as gently as possible.

    Reply
  71. blacksheep_lj

    We are pretty firmly once a day, at bedtime, now. And I feel conflicted about how long it will go on. I’m tired of arguing with her about the sharp little puppy teeth on my nipples, but I also know how important that bonding time is for both Squishy and I. I clearly am still making plenty of milk, so my body still seems to think we should keep it up. I don’t know. When Frogling weaned at 2 1/2 she’d been skipping days, not asking at all fairly often, and I just told her I needed to stop one day. I know it was because I was newly and unexpectedly pregnant, but I don’t really remember “the last time we nursed.” I hope I can make it through a few more months and have it fade away as gently as possible.

    Reply
  72. blacksheep_lj

    We are pretty firmly once a day, at bedtime, now. And I feel conflicted about how long it will go on. I’m tired of arguing with her about the sharp little puppy teeth on my nipples, but I also know how important that bonding time is for both Squishy and I. I clearly am still making plenty of milk, so my body still seems to think we should keep it up. I don’t know. When Frogling weaned at 2 1/2 she’d been skipping days, not asking at all fairly often, and I just told her I needed to stop one day. I know it was because I was newly and unexpectedly pregnant, but I don’t really remember “the last time we nursed.” I hope I can make it through a few more months and have it fade away as gently as possible.

    Reply
  73. blacksheep_lj

    We are pretty firmly once a day, at bedtime, now. And I feel conflicted about how long it will go on. I’m tired of arguing with her about the sharp little puppy teeth on my nipples, but I also know how important that bonding time is for both Squishy and I. I clearly am still making plenty of milk, so my body still seems to think we should keep it up. I don’t know. When Frogling weaned at 2 1/2 she’d been skipping days, not asking at all fairly often, and I just told her I needed to stop one day. I know it was because I was newly and unexpectedly pregnant, but I don’t really remember “the last time we nursed.” I hope I can make it through a few more months and have it fade away as gently as possible.

    Reply
  74. blacksheep_lj

    We are pretty firmly once a day, at bedtime, now. And I feel conflicted about how long it will go on. I’m tired of arguing with her about the sharp little puppy teeth on my nipples, but I also know how important that bonding time is for both Squishy and I. I clearly am still making plenty of milk, so my body still seems to think we should keep it up. I don’t know. When Frogling weaned at 2 1/2 she’d been skipping days, not asking at all fairly often, and I just told her I needed to stop one day. I know it was because I was newly and unexpectedly pregnant, but I don’t really remember “the last time we nursed.” I hope I can make it through a few more months and have it fade away as gently as possible.

    Reply
  75. blacksheep_lj

    We are pretty firmly once a day, at bedtime, now. And I feel conflicted about how long it will go on. I’m tired of arguing with her about the sharp little puppy teeth on my nipples, but I also know how important that bonding time is for both Squishy and I. I clearly am still making plenty of milk, so my body still seems to think we should keep it up. I don’t know. When Frogling weaned at 2 1/2 she’d been skipping days, not asking at all fairly often, and I just told her I needed to stop one day. I know it was because I was newly and unexpectedly pregnant, but I don’t really remember “the last time we nursed.” I hope I can make it through a few more months and have it fade away as gently as possible.

    Reply
  76. blacksheep_lj

    We are pretty firmly once a day, at bedtime, now. And I feel conflicted about how long it will go on. I’m tired of arguing with her about the sharp little puppy teeth on my nipples, but I also know how important that bonding time is for both Squishy and I. I clearly am still making plenty of milk, so my body still seems to think we should keep it up. I don’t know. When Frogling weaned at 2 1/2 she’d been skipping days, not asking at all fairly often, and I just told her I needed to stop one day. I know it was because I was newly and unexpectedly pregnant, but I don’t really remember “the last time we nursed.” I hope I can make it through a few more months and have it fade away as gently as possible.

    Reply
  77. blacksheep_lj

    We are pretty firmly once a day, at bedtime, now. And I feel conflicted about how long it will go on. I’m tired of arguing with her about the sharp little puppy teeth on my nipples, but I also know how important that bonding time is for both Squishy and I. I clearly am still making plenty of milk, so my body still seems to think we should keep it up. I don’t know. When Frogling weaned at 2 1/2 she’d been skipping days, not asking at all fairly often, and I just told her I needed to stop one day. I know it was because I was newly and unexpectedly pregnant, but I don’t really remember “the last time we nursed.” I hope I can make it through a few more months and have it fade away as gently as possible.

    Reply
  78. blacksheep_lj

    We are pretty firmly once a day, at bedtime, now. And I feel conflicted about how long it will go on. I’m tired of arguing with her about the sharp little puppy teeth on my nipples, but I also know how important that bonding time is for both Squishy and I. I clearly am still making plenty of milk, so my body still seems to think we should keep it up. I don’t know. When Frogling weaned at 2 1/2 she’d been skipping days, not asking at all fairly often, and I just told her I needed to stop one day. I know it was because I was newly and unexpectedly pregnant, but I don’t really remember “the last time we nursed.” I hope I can make it through a few more months and have it fade away as gently as possible.

    Reply
  79. blacksheep_lj

    We are pretty firmly once a day, at bedtime, now. And I feel conflicted about how long it will go on. I’m tired of arguing with her about the sharp little puppy teeth on my nipples, but I also know how important that bonding time is for both Squishy and I. I clearly am still making plenty of milk, so my body still seems to think we should keep it up. I don’t know. When Frogling weaned at 2 1/2 she’d been skipping days, not asking at all fairly often, and I just told her I needed to stop one day. I know it was because I was newly and unexpectedly pregnant, but I don’t really remember “the last time we nursed.” I hope I can make it through a few more months and have it fade away as gently as possible.

    Reply
  80. blacksheep_lj

    We are pretty firmly once a day, at bedtime, now. And I feel conflicted about how long it will go on. I’m tired of arguing with her about the sharp little puppy teeth on my nipples, but I also know how important that bonding time is for both Squishy and I. I clearly am still making plenty of milk, so my body still seems to think we should keep it up. I don’t know. When Frogling weaned at 2 1/2 she’d been skipping days, not asking at all fairly often, and I just told her I needed to stop one day. I know it was because I was newly and unexpectedly pregnant, but I don’t really remember “the last time we nursed.” I hope I can make it through a few more months and have it fade away as gently as possible.

    Reply
  81. blacksheep_lj

    We are pretty firmly once a day, at bedtime, now. And I feel conflicted about how long it will go on. I’m tired of arguing with her about the sharp little puppy teeth on my nipples, but I also know how important that bonding time is for both Squishy and I. I clearly am still making plenty of milk, so my body still seems to think we should keep it up. I don’t know. When Frogling weaned at 2 1/2 she’d been skipping days, not asking at all fairly often, and I just told her I needed to stop one day. I know it was because I was newly and unexpectedly pregnant, but I don’t really remember “the last time we nursed.” I hope I can make it through a few more months and have it fade away as gently as possible.

    Reply
  82. blacksheep_lj

    We are pretty firmly once a day, at bedtime, now. And I feel conflicted about how long it will go on. I’m tired of arguing with her about the sharp little puppy teeth on my nipples, but I also know how important that bonding time is for both Squishy and I. I clearly am still making plenty of milk, so my body still seems to think we should keep it up. I don’t know. When Frogling weaned at 2 1/2 she’d been skipping days, not asking at all fairly often, and I just told her I needed to stop one day. I know it was because I was newly and unexpectedly pregnant, but I don’t really remember “the last time we nursed.” I hope I can make it through a few more months and have it fade away as gently as possible.

    Reply
  83. blacksheep_lj

    We are pretty firmly once a day, at bedtime, now. And I feel conflicted about how long it will go on. I’m tired of arguing with her about the sharp little puppy teeth on my nipples, but I also know how important that bonding time is for both Squishy and I. I clearly am still making plenty of milk, so my body still seems to think we should keep it up. I don’t know. When Frogling weaned at 2 1/2 she’d been skipping days, not asking at all fairly often, and I just told her I needed to stop one day. I know it was because I was newly and unexpectedly pregnant, but I don’t really remember “the last time we nursed.” I hope I can make it through a few more months and have it fade away as gently as possible.

    Reply
  84. blacksheep_lj

    We are pretty firmly once a day, at bedtime, now. And I feel conflicted about how long it will go on. I’m tired of arguing with her about the sharp little puppy teeth on my nipples, but I also know how important that bonding time is for both Squishy and I. I clearly am still making plenty of milk, so my body still seems to think we should keep it up. I don’t know. When Frogling weaned at 2 1/2 she’d been skipping days, not asking at all fairly often, and I just told her I needed to stop one day. I know it was because I was newly and unexpectedly pregnant, but I don’t really remember “the last time we nursed.” I hope I can make it through a few more months and have it fade away as gently as possible.

    Reply
  85. blacksheep_lj

    We are pretty firmly once a day, at bedtime, now. And I feel conflicted about how long it will go on. I’m tired of arguing with her about the sharp little puppy teeth on my nipples, but I also know how important that bonding time is for both Squishy and I. I clearly am still making plenty of milk, so my body still seems to think we should keep it up. I don’t know. When Frogling weaned at 2 1/2 she’d been skipping days, not asking at all fairly often, and I just told her I needed to stop one day. I know it was because I was newly and unexpectedly pregnant, but I don’t really remember “the last time we nursed.” I hope I can make it through a few more months and have it fade away as gently as possible.

    Reply
  86. blacksheep_lj

    We are pretty firmly once a day, at bedtime, now. And I feel conflicted about how long it will go on. I’m tired of arguing with her about the sharp little puppy teeth on my nipples, but I also know how important that bonding time is for both Squishy and I. I clearly am still making plenty of milk, so my body still seems to think we should keep it up. I don’t know. When Frogling weaned at 2 1/2 she’d been skipping days, not asking at all fairly often, and I just told her I needed to stop one day. I know it was because I was newly and unexpectedly pregnant, but I don’t really remember “the last time we nursed.” I hope I can make it through a few more months and have it fade away as gently as possible.

    Reply
  87. blacksheep_lj

    We are pretty firmly once a day, at bedtime, now. And I feel conflicted about how long it will go on. I’m tired of arguing with her about the sharp little puppy teeth on my nipples, but I also know how important that bonding time is for both Squishy and I. I clearly am still making plenty of milk, so my body still seems to think we should keep it up. I don’t know. When Frogling weaned at 2 1/2 she’d been skipping days, not asking at all fairly often, and I just told her I needed to stop one day. I know it was because I was newly and unexpectedly pregnant, but I don’t really remember “the last time we nursed.” I hope I can make it through a few more months and have it fade away as gently as possible.

    Reply
  88. blacksheep_lj

    We are pretty firmly once a day, at bedtime, now. And I feel conflicted about how long it will go on. I’m tired of arguing with her about the sharp little puppy teeth on my nipples, but I also know how important that bonding time is for both Squishy and I. I clearly am still making plenty of milk, so my body still seems to think we should keep it up. I don’t know. When Frogling weaned at 2 1/2 she’d been skipping days, not asking at all fairly often, and I just told her I needed to stop one day. I know it was because I was newly and unexpectedly pregnant, but I don’t really remember “the last time we nursed.” I hope I can make it through a few more months and have it fade away as gently as possible.

    Reply
  89. blacksheep_lj

    We are pretty firmly once a day, at bedtime, now. And I feel conflicted about how long it will go on. I’m tired of arguing with her about the sharp little puppy teeth on my nipples, but I also know how important that bonding time is for both Squishy and I. I clearly am still making plenty of milk, so my body still seems to think we should keep it up. I don’t know. When Frogling weaned at 2 1/2 she’d been skipping days, not asking at all fairly often, and I just told her I needed to stop one day. I know it was because I was newly and unexpectedly pregnant, but I don’t really remember “the last time we nursed.” I hope I can make it through a few more months and have it fade away as gently as possible.

    Reply
  90. blacksheep_lj

    We are pretty firmly once a day, at bedtime, now. And I feel conflicted about how long it will go on. I’m tired of arguing with her about the sharp little puppy teeth on my nipples, but I also know how important that bonding time is for both Squishy and I. I clearly am still making plenty of milk, so my body still seems to think we should keep it up. I don’t know. When Frogling weaned at 2 1/2 she’d been skipping days, not asking at all fairly often, and I just told her I needed to stop one day. I know it was because I was newly and unexpectedly pregnant, but I don’t really remember “the last time we nursed.” I hope I can make it through a few more months and have it fade away as gently as possible.

    Reply
  91. blacksheep_lj

    We are pretty firmly once a day, at bedtime, now. And I feel conflicted about how long it will go on. I’m tired of arguing with her about the sharp little puppy teeth on my nipples, but I also know how important that bonding time is for both Squishy and I. I clearly am still making plenty of milk, so my body still seems to think we should keep it up. I don’t know. When Frogling weaned at 2 1/2 she’d been skipping days, not asking at all fairly often, and I just told her I needed to stop one day. I know it was because I was newly and unexpectedly pregnant, but I don’t really remember “the last time we nursed.” I hope I can make it through a few more months and have it fade away as gently as possible.

    Reply
  92. blacksheep_lj

    We are pretty firmly once a day, at bedtime, now. And I feel conflicted about how long it will go on. I’m tired of arguing with her about the sharp little puppy teeth on my nipples, but I also know how important that bonding time is for both Squishy and I. I clearly am still making plenty of milk, so my body still seems to think we should keep it up. I don’t know. When Frogling weaned at 2 1/2 she’d been skipping days, not asking at all fairly often, and I just told her I needed to stop one day. I know it was because I was newly and unexpectedly pregnant, but I don’t really remember “the last time we nursed.” I hope I can make it through a few more months and have it fade away as gently as possible.

    Reply
  93. blacksheep_lj

    We are pretty firmly once a day, at bedtime, now. And I feel conflicted about how long it will go on. I’m tired of arguing with her about the sharp little puppy teeth on my nipples, but I also know how important that bonding time is for both Squishy and I. I clearly am still making plenty of milk, so my body still seems to think we should keep it up. I don’t know. When Frogling weaned at 2 1/2 she’d been skipping days, not asking at all fairly often, and I just told her I needed to stop one day. I know it was because I was newly and unexpectedly pregnant, but I don’t really remember “the last time we nursed.” I hope I can make it through a few more months and have it fade away as gently as possible.

    Reply

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