Sometimes I am afraid that one day I will start crying and never be able to stop again. I will cry while I eat, while I sleep, while I shit. I have always deeply identified with Latin American magical realism books. Strange things just happen to me. Fantastic things. And one day I will flood a town. My tears will wash everything away.
I feel like I am floating away. I feel disembodied. I haven’t been sad in the past few days. I’ve been busy. Maybe it is the rain. Rain often makes me cry.
My arms hurt too much to pontificate on why. But I’m still here. I don’t actually feel lonely exactly–I would have to be alone more to enable that. I just feel disconnected, invisible, silent.
Still not dead.
I see you and I hear you. Hang in there. Hope tomorrow is better. Today sucked big ones for me too. Being a mom is like being alone without ever being alone which is justifiably lonely. Hope you got some you time today.
I found you. Hi. I missed some stuff in the last month or so. Sorry. Caught up now. *reconnect*
Again, I can identify to a lesser extent. When I have the bad episodes, it seems like the crying will never stop. I’m to the place where I almost never cry unless it’s related to a mood swing. I hate crying. I hate how I get physically when I cry. I love when well-meaning people suggest I just “have a good cry, get it all out”. If I could cry it out of me, I’d have been rid of this years, decades ago. Unless I have decades more crying to do to get it out. Maybe one day between us and all the other people, we’ll have cried enough to wash it away.