Hello and welcome. I presume you are all here because you know M & E, right? I just wanted to make sure we were all in the right place.
Today we get to participate in a modern day fairy tale. When people write love stories about getting to grow up with and marry the right person–they are writing about couples like M&E. Precious few people get it right so young. I have been lucky enough to know these two since almost the beginning of their relationship. I hope you will all bear with me as I ramble at them about the commitment they are making.
It feels presumptuous for me to tell you anything about relationships. You two have been together longer than I have been married. Luckily for you I have never let my lack of complete authority stop me from speaking.
Marriage is one of the hardest and best things you will do with your life. In picking this person you are saying, “I am good on my own but I am better with you.” You are consciously choosing someone to be your helper and partner in life. It is a great honor and a great responsibility.
Marriage has changed a great deal over the multiple millenium that such unions have existed. I feel like we live in an exciting time for marriage. At no point in the past did couples have as much freedom to define their roles as we do right now. You do not need to have a marriage that will make someone else happy or satisfy their needs. You need to have a marriage built on mutual understanding of your unique quirks and desires. No other marriage will look exactly like yours.
The people who are here with you now are the witnesses for this new marriage. This change in your life and your identity. In choosing to get married you are choosing to say, “The good of us together as a family needs to come before our individual wants.” That will mean hard choices sometimes. That will mean having to bite your tongue when you are feeling impatient. It will mean needing to learn how to express your wants and needs so that they can be met–if your needs aren’t being met then your family is not actually functioning. No one can be a martyr.
(Obviously addressing crowd.) Everyone here is a witness to this new marriage. You are here, ostensibly, because you love these people. I charge each of you with being a friend to their marriage. Help them grow together instead of apart. Being married is not always easy. It takes community and support and love from a lot of people to make a really great marriage. I say that we are all here for a modern fairy tale because these two have all of the elements for a great marriage–they are so lucky to have all of you.
Alright. That’s all the babble I have right now. The internet strongly implies I will need around 3,000 words for ~30 minutes of talking. I didn’t hit 500 words in this first babble and I know it isn’t polished or ready yet. Luckily I have two more months. I’m not even working against a harsh deadline yet. It’s an ok beginning for now. I’m out of typing.
that is beautiful ♥
Thank you! They both have enormous very supportive families and I want to reflect that. I sent them a long email with a bunch of questions this morning. I don’t think I can write the next part till they answer. 🙂
Is this the same Internet that insisted that I should be planning a ceremony that was only 20 minutes TOPS? 😉 (I objected. Strenuously. Although we didn’t time the actual result, between various people walking and reading and singing and talking and promising and kissing, I’d estimate it ran 35 minutes.)
“At no point in the past did couples have as much freedom to define their roles as we do right now. You do not need to have a marriage that will make someone else happy or satisfy their needs. You need to have a marriage built on mutual understanding of your unique quirks and desires. No other marriage will look exactly like yours.” Excellent point!! There is a ton of good advice — and humor — in what you have already.
Picky note: plural is “millennia”. And perhaps… “You’re here because you support these people”? Maybe they’re having only very close friends and family, but there might be complicated relationships with people in the room that the “ostensibly” will aggravate. One biiiiig reason we kept our actual wedding so very tiny, and then opened up the cupcake-church thing to a wider circle of friends and acquaintances.
I’m going by what the bride and groom said, “About 30 minutes of talking” and they are very uninterested in having poems or singing or any kinds of reading.
Thank you for correcting my word usage. I hate sounding as ignorant as I am. 😉 Actually the wedding is going to be huge. They are having a lot of out-of-state relatives they barely know who are enthusiastic about coming. I’m ok with being told it isn’t as funny as it was in my head. 🙂 Very early draft. Many revisions to come.
“I charge each of you with being a friend to their marriage.”
omg, Best line ever. I’m stealing this if I ever do another wedding toast.