I vent my feelings here because, in general, I can’t talk about my feelings out loud. Small pitchers have big ears and all that. I’m not trying to needle people or cause anyone to feel guilty.

When people need a break from me I am genuinely ok with that. Do I feel sad, yes. But I have a lot of respect for people learning how to say, “I can’t handle this right now.” I hope people come back after their breaks. I don’t chase people down and beg them to be my friend because I consider that a frightful waste of energy and I have enough shit to do.

But if someone decides they were mad enough to need a break but not mad enough to not want to know me… that’s really nice. That feels like maybe I have redeeming value. It feels like maybe I don’t deserve All The Awful.

Sometimes friends come back. I try hard not to uhm emote in a way that will additionally drive people away. I may have done ok this time. That’s good.

Cryptic shit is cryptic. Some people decided they weren’t mad enough to stop speaking to me permanently. That feels good. Good timing too. I have to be kind of a tornado of productivity starting in 4, 3, 2, 1…..