Hi. Long time no talk. I miss you. I miss you all the time. I don’t know if you miss me or not. I have never been very nice to you. I’m sorry for that.

A lot of things happened. It has taken a long time but I really don’t blame you. You had a very hard life. I can’t really imagine what it is like to have a life as hard as yours has been.

I’m sorry that I am one more person hurting you. I’m sorry you don’t get to know my children while they grow up. I’ve read a lot about incest. If I want to break behavior patterns in my family I have to keep my kids away from all of the supporting behaviors. That is the best I can do right now to keep my kids safe. And I have to.

I’m really sorry that I’m hurting you in this process. I would really like to write to you about them. I don’t know if that would hurt you more or if it might ease the pain you feel. I don’t know if complete mystery is easier than a partial story.

Every single day I am sorry that I don’t get to share them with you.

Some day, when my kids don’t need me any more I want to study incest. I want to figure out how to help people change the dangerous behaviors so that families don’t have to be separated to break the patterns. Right now there really isn’t a better answer. I’ve looked. I’ve spent years searching.

I am so sorry mama. It isn’t your fault.

I love you. I have always loved you. I will always love you.

I’m so sorry.