Yesterday was rad. The kids and I got along all day. No one had even the slightest hint of conflict. We were all mellow. We went to a super fun birthday party at a trampoline place. I jumped for well over an hour. I am physically exhausted.

So it was awesome sauce that we had a great day. I’m grateful. We needed one.

Then this morning I woke up to an email on my unschooling mailing list inviting me to a show performed by one of my rapists. Now it is 2:30 in the morning and I am completely awake because I have no idea what to do. Should I just ignore it? Should I say something? That will be opening myself up to abuse. Big time.

I think if lots of people got mad at me for “being a liar” right now I don’t have the spoons to manage that. I don’t think I could cope without self harm. That would be too much for me right now. I don’t have a lot of reserve self esteem this minute.

I’m very tempted to not say anything. But that seems kind of evil.

Sometimes it is hard to remind myself that other people really don’t care what has happened to me. They care if they are a potential target and as long as they aren’t then my experiences are irrelevant. Paul wouldn’t hurt them therefore Paul is fine.

I just…

If it was the home school group where I am a well known figure I would speak up in the first instant. I’m not well known on this other list. I only know a handful of people and I don’t know any of the really active list participants. I don’t feel safe enough to say anything.

I’m sorta tempted to move the discussion to the home school list where I *am* known and give the warning that people really shouldn’t bring their kids near him. He’s not a good person.

Not just because of what he did with me. Because I’m not the only story. Because there are a lot of stories from a lot of girls that indicate that his strong personal preference is to be violating the limits of the people around him. He’s not a good person.

But man I’m not up for being attacked as a liar today.