I don’t post what http://www.freewillastrology.com/horoscopes tells me very often, but I like this week.

“In countries where large percentages of the population believe in hell, there seems to be less corruption and a higher standard of living,” concluded a study by the Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis. My translation: Many people are motivated to do the right thing out of primal dread. I bring this up, Virgo, because it is critical for you to wean yourself of any attraction you might have to letting fear serve as a central motivator. I’m happy to report that in the coming months, you will have an unprecedented opportunity to retrain yourself to do just that. By September 2005, your quest for success and goodness could very well be inspired primarily by your love of life.”

I do have an unprecedented opportunity. I am already already making steps toward living my life for reasons other than fear. Breaking up with Tom was one of the hardest things I have ever done. It scared the stuffing out of me. I did it because I had to. We weren’t good for one another. I’m moving out earlier than strictly necessary because it is the best thing to do. I’m terrified.

I’m going to keep on keeping on. I had a necklace when I was little. It was a gold heart. Around the periphery it said over and over, “Live to Love to Live to Love” so that you couldn’t tell which word was supposed to be the first one. I’ve never been able to get it out of my head. I don’t know whether I live in order to have the opportunity to love or if I love to live. There is also a country song (isn’t there always) “Love to be wanted” the chorus is:
“Do you love to be wanted or want to be loved
When you let your hair down and push comes to shove
Is all that I have always enough
Do you love to be wanted or want to be loved”

Sometimes I hear that in my head and I wonder. I know that I have gotten a lot of attention in the past year. I know that I have encouraged it. I have thought over and over in my life that I just want to be loved. Is it true though? Do I want to be loved or do I just love to be wanted in order feed my over weening ego?

I ramble too much when I don’t want to pack. *sigh*